B&SIL

My son is 5 months old.
B & SIL live 3.5-4 hours away.

They've been to visit us a few times, but they keep asking when we're going to visit them where they live.

Simple truth is we don't feel ready/mentally prepared for a journey that long just yet with baby because of stops and his sleep. It's also really draining and stressful for us going anywhere at the moment.

B & SIL visited again yesterday. SIL is absolutely brilliant and hands on. But both keep making comments like 'surely you can do a long journey with a baby now!' and 'we were actually going to ask you guys when you want to come and visit?'

Are we being unreasonable? Are we just being too cautious and should just go to visit to keep them happy? Or how do we politely say they're being unreasonable and need to stop taking it personally and be a bit more understanding?

I wold put them on an information diet and be very clear with your Dh that your stuff is not to be given away. Why would do that if you’re not finished having your family?

Definitely don't lend out any baby items you would like to use again.

In terms of everything else, I would probably agree with your DH that they just have no thoughts of their own and look up to you. It doesn't make it any less annoying but I wouldn't use up too much energy getting annoyed about it. Life is short. I feel sad for them in a way.

It's tough, and you need to stay strong on this, but given that they are just so blatant about who they are, if I were you I'd start treating it like entertainment.

Start hashtagging photos on Insta #EmigrateDreams and photos of Australia.

Start conversations about wanting to Foster blind cats.

Go vegan (out loud) and just keep seeing how far they take their obsessions with you both.

Omg do the funny name suggestion!
'we really want to call next baby X, we love it'

theyll drop the dogs name like a hot potato and take this !!

They sound absolutely unhinged. Ditch them, life's too short for their nonsense.

They sound like right CFs. Absolutely don't give them or lend them your baby stuff. Either sell it or store it somewhere secure.

I think it's hilarious if they use your dead dogs name for their child. Laugh each time they mention it, with a quick "sorry, sorry can't help it. It's just naming a cute little baby after a dead dog really tickles my funny bone" or similar.

Probably an angel told your SIL the week before that she had conceived. OP give your head a wobble and stop being jealous that your SIL is expecting the Promised Child.

Of course, because it is so special, it won't just have a bog standard 9 months gestation. For all we know it could eventually be born in 2026 when the stars align. Plenty of time for you to stock up on frankincense.

That would annoy me so much.
The only consolation for you is they obviously think you have fantastic taste and completely lack any imagination themselves.
They sound crazy and I would distance myself. When their baby is born everything will become a competition for them.
I think the craziest thing I read is that she is naming her baby after your deceased dog! I would make a lovely photo tribute of your dog on the wall, with its name in the middle. She might change her mind when she realises her child will eventually see they were named after a dog.

Wowza. Absolutely DO NOT lend them your baby stuff!!

my ex sil was like this. We found out we were pregnant and told the ex in-laws (pre divorce obvs) my ex sil was also pregnant but waiting until 12 weeks to say anything…

her dad told me to be gentle when I told ex sil as ‘she wanted to be first’

so glad I’m away from all those nutters now 🤣

I knew someone this happened too with her SiL! Many years ago now but very similar.
Her SiL used her dead cats name for a baby (lily) so at first we were quite, understanding as Lily was the in name.
And then she got pregnant with another daughter.
But then this friend who was full on blingy (think back to river island rhinestone belts and the start of scouse brows level bling) became pregnant with her own DD, she customised herself a Silver Cross coach pram, sprayed the metal bits neon pink and recovered it in purple fabric she covered with sparkling iridescent stones and pink silk flowers. (We thought it was the height of stylishness, oh bless us) but the SiL did it with her pram, just the colours the other way around.
But SiL was desperate to know the baby's name, (she was due a matter of weeks earlier) so my pal made up a spectacular name. It was the kind of name you could only imagine a small child giving a doll.
Anyway, her SiL used it.

It's it's just made me realise that poor baby will be leaving high-school soon and I'm feeling old now 😂

But yes, very strange behaviour OP, it sounds very competitive to me, but I once encouraged a friend to spray a beautiful vintage pram neon pink, don't listen to me ffs. Maybe she is a bit in awe of you x

Tell them nothing and more importantly, give them nothing! Those are your things and they’ve already proven they’ll just sell it and play the victim.

They’re fucking mental. Go low or no contact. Your husband is a total drip too.

How strange and annoying. It sounds like they (your SIL expecially) hold you in very high esteem and long to be like you, yet simultaneously resent the fact that they do! I have known a few people like this but not as extreme.

You could have some fun. Tell them if you have another child you are thinking of calling it (think up weird name) and see if they steal that name. Tell your DH you are attached to your baby items and want your second child to use them so won't be lending them to BiL and SiL who sound very attention seeking. Pack them away safely.

You would be unreasonable if you didn't nickname their child Indiana, as they're named after a dog.

>So one week pregnant is one week before they DTD isn't it?

The prophesied child, awaiting these long ages!

Start telling the wrong thing for lulz.

"Ooh, I love colour drenching. It's where the carpet, sofa, walls, skirting and curtains are the same colour. It's so modern! I'm definitely going for yellow. We will do it when I get paid!"

Oh, I changed my mind/DH wasn't keen.

Send a photo of you in a pixie cut wig in pink. "You thought I cut and dyed my hair! No, I just wanted a temporary change of look."

And so on.

You should have kept the dress a surprise for the day, and same with the bridesmaids dresses (once she knows the shop she'll call asking about the smith bridesmaid dresses). Say "tbh, I wasn't so happy with the service. My friend Jane got married last year and she used Milly's Boutique and said it was great!"

Baby names. Announce once it is born, or she will bagsy the name.

She sounds insane. Well done for putting up boundaries. Keep them up.

.

So pregnancy is dated from the date of your last period and most couples typically conceive around day 14.

So one week pregnant is one week before they DTD isn't it?

Bless them.

Stop telling them stuff, or if you do lie. And don’t lend/give them your baby stuff. That would be ridiculous if you plan to use it again for another baby.

As for them not spending much time with your child, be relieved as they frankly sound insufferable.

Your husband is an absolute fool. (Feel free to tell him)

This is your life.

Unless you hide your baby stuff and put your foot right down you're going to lose every time.

Are you prepared for that?

Tell them nothing.

Go low contact.

If you have to see them, keep every conversation about them only. They will love to talk about themselves for hours, I'm sure. Just don't reveal any personal stuff about you and your dh ever again.

Do not lend or give them anything ever. Say you need it.

Wow, the jealousy from them is very strong. How very bizarre. It's almost like single white female vibes.

I would totally do what others have suggested. If they ask you what you bought/how you redecorated etc then send them the most random and incorrect things possible.