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AIBU?

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Original poster

I hate the cat

259 replies

WarriorWalrus · 10/07/2023 01:13

DD1, 17, got a cat for her 15th birthday, she had been begging for years and loves the cat to pieces, it was a joint bid for the cat, DD1 promising all the care until she left for uni, DD2, (now 14) promising to take over and DH saying he would do care when they aren't around.
Well DD1 just finished her a-levels, left to go travelling with her friends, not back until mid-August (she turns 18 at the start of August). DD2 hates the cat (the cat also hates her, I'm not sure why they have beef but its a no go, the cat just scratches DD2), DH feeds him and changes the litterbox but the cat seems to have decided in the absence of DD1, he wants me, we might have the only clingy cat in the world, but he waits for me to get home, follows me for a bit the goes to lay in DD1s room. Can't say DD1s name in earshot or the cat comes running and follows me again. Middle of the night he scratches my door to be let in, then sleeps in-between DH and I, he loves it, I hate it!!
7 days into DD1 being gone, I've heard from her 4 times, each time "How's Socrates (the cat), Can I see Socrates, show Socrates this video so he doesn't forget me", I send a response (pic of the cat usually) she reacts to it, I ask how she is and get left on read?? Like she only misses and cares for the cat!!!
And to think she is off to uni halls in sept, so this is just my life now!!
AIBU to hate the cat, do any cat whisperers have tips on how I can get the cat to give his love to DH or DD2 and leave me alone???

OP posts:
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Sadforcavtoo · 11/07/2023 11:19

Totally irrelevant to this topic but I totally made an account to say this
Tour de France fan????
If you’re not I look really silly right now

CAG83 · 11/07/2023 11:12

Do not get another cat! I'm sure you aren't contemplating that idea. It's a fallacy to think cats want another furry companion. I'm assuming your daughter will be back during holidays? It's perfectly reasonable to be annoyed at the situation but you need to stop letting him into your bedroom - eventually he will give up scratching but it does take time. Cats are nocturnal and it will affect your sleep and create more resentment. Try to give the cat some fuss in the evenings when maybe you watch TV? He will adjust to her absence in time.

Ketzele · 11/07/2023 11:06

Yeah, it's a big myth that all cats are aloof and don't need love. All mine have wanted me close, loved their cuddles, needed chat and reassurance.

I'm not going to pretend you can just force yourself to love the cat. But you do need to address the cats needs and I would definitely be researching how to repair the bond between cat and dd2.

You may also come to appreciate the opportunities Socrates gives you for connection with dd1 when she goes to uni. I have a dd the same age and I reckon 80% of our communication is me sending her little videos or stories about her cats' antics. She loves it and it keeps us close.

CatOnAHotShedRoof · 11/07/2023 10:25

What a lovely name for a cat ❤We adopted ours last year, as a companion for DS who is autistic. They have such a close bond and DCat loves me and DH too, but DD unfortunately hasn't bonded with him at all.

DCat has a disability - he had a road accident when he was v young and a front leg had to be amputated. He's adorable, and very loving, except when he's being a bit of a dick, chasing us up the stairs and biting our ankles!

I always thought I was a dog person before we had a cat, having grown up with dogs in the house, but cats are also wonderful creatures. He will come and lie on the bed and doze next to us if we're having a lie in. He's just lovely to have around the house, and I love how much of a difference he's made with DS.

I hate the cat
readingrocks · 11/07/2023 10:21

Our cat gets shut in the kitchen at night! It's a large kitchen and he has more than everything needs in there... no scratching at bedroom door and everyone sleeps well... I know you adore Socrates really but never, ever get a dog because you wouldn't cope with the affection!

JulieHoney · 11/07/2023 10:10

Cats pine when their person leaves. Socrates is looking to you because he’s lonely and misses DD.

Cupboard love is real. Get DD2 to feed him and give him treats, buy a couple of cat toys for her to play with him. Shut him in the kitchen overnight so he can’t disturb your sleep.

In a couple of weeks he’ll swap allegiance to DD2 until DD1 comes home.

NESS111 · 11/07/2023 10:02

The pic of him is lovely he is lonely big change for him having your daughter his owner away from him.

Mirabai · 11/07/2023 09:54

Keep him in the kitchen overnight, the rest is really quite sweet.

ButImNotOldEnough · 11/07/2023 09:40

Oh he is gorgeous! No advice unfortunately, I get upset when my two cats don’t follow me around 😂 they’re forever at my heels and I’ve not been able to pee without a cat in tow for 8 years now!

Tiredhotmess · 11/07/2023 08:57

I get that you're not really a cat person, I feel the same way about dogs. I don't hate them, but they are clingy, demanding and take up a lot of your time. Cats are generally a lot easier because they are more independent. We had a cat a few years ago who, in his old age, decided I was his chosen person. He became very clingy, would be in my face all the time, and wouldn't go to anyone else. He died at the grand old age of 21 and I miss him every single day, especially as our current cat is completely indifferent to me. I'd give anything for one of his cuddles again.
I'm sure your cat just wants reassurance. Is he allowed outside at all? He may just be bored and want some more stimulation, and if he is out of the house for some of the time this will give you a bit of a reprieve.
He is beautiful BTW 😍

Emmamoo89 · 11/07/2023 06:51

YABU

SallyWD · 11/07/2023 06:49

I hate this idea that cats are t affectionate or clingy. Every single cat I've had has been very attached to me!
Anyway, there's not much you can do but acceot his love and enjoy it!

Yellowlegobrick · 11/07/2023 06:03

Catpuss66
Not really because she's a human.

Not all humans love dogs. I like my cats but i dislike most dogs, I'm very aware of the threat they pose to people if stressed or badly trained and i can't stand the smell or the dog shit.

Catpuss66 · 11/07/2023 05:20

Brightandshining · 11/07/2023 01:26

Yanbu
You'll get a lot of hate tho... people foam at the mouth on here for anyone who doesn't go all goo eyes at any animal.. even if care of that animal is thrust upon you against your will and just constitutes another annoying burden for you when you have too many already.
People need to look after their own damn pets and not just expect someone else to pick up the pieces when they don't.
My mum has a dog she doesn't care for very well that I now have to care for and yes. I hate this dog. I try to do right by him but I absolutely hate him. I'll only feel relief when he eventually dies.

just remember you said that, because one day your children will say the same thing about you.

MCOut · 11/07/2023 02:11

😍 what a beauty!

It’s a lost cause OP. You have become the favoured human, embrace it. He’ll ditch you when she comes home

Brightandshining · 11/07/2023 01:26

Yanbu
You'll get a lot of hate tho... people foam at the mouth on here for anyone who doesn't go all goo eyes at any animal.. even if care of that animal is thrust upon you against your will and just constitutes another annoying burden for you when you have too many already.
People need to look after their own damn pets and not just expect someone else to pick up the pieces when they don't.
My mum has a dog she doesn't care for very well that I now have to care for and yes. I hate this dog. I try to do right by him but I absolutely hate him. I'll only feel relief when he eventually dies.

tunbridgeoutrage · 11/07/2023 00:57

Wow. Hell hath no fury like cat lovers who have been rubbed the wrong way.

TiaraBoo · 11/07/2023 00:57

I thought the cat was being a knob, but the cat loves you!
Mine just trained me to be her servant.

SH23B · 11/07/2023 00:46

Also if you don't want him in the room with you at night, don't let him in. He will soon get the message.

SH23B · 11/07/2023 00:45

Show him some affection, fuss him and love him. He'll soon go right off you.

Italiangreyhound · 11/07/2023 00:42

Oh he is gorgeous.

Shut him in the kitchen at night with a bed and litter box. Don't let him roam the house at night and get into your bed.

Catpuss66 · 11/07/2023 00:38

WarriorWalrus · 10/07/2023 01:44

Sure, This is him. Bain of my existence right now.
In all seriousness though, I don't hate him. Just wish he had selected someone else to be the centre of his world while DD is gone.
Also don't resent DD for asking about her cat, was making a joke out of how she is missing the cat but no one else!

Show quote history

Maybe your daughter felt more love from the cat, than you.

livelaughwine · 11/07/2023 00:20

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JustAnotherOpinion123 · 11/07/2023 00:16

And as other posters have said, Socrates loves you because you're not fussing over him. My cats all prefer my dh despite the fact that I feed them, because he doesn't squish their little faces and tell they're the cutest little fluffballs. Amping up the affection may help make him leave you alone... but you'll probably also find you want to be the favourite again when he does!

JustAnotherOpinion123 · 11/07/2023 00:14

If your dd1 had to fight so hard to get a cat, she may be making a point of asking about him so that you don't think she's gone off travelling and forgotten about his existence.

I got my eldest cat when I was in my late teens and at uni, and he lived with my parents for a bit. They'd always make snide comments about them looking after him and me not caring about him so I'd make a point of calling to ask about him so they'd know I hadn't forgotten about him.