That two parents working doesn’t work

I would say as well all the families I know in my friendship group, both parents work and the men are just as likely to be part time or compressed as the women which I think is great. A few have shared their parental leave as well.

I really do think there are lots of benefits to 2 part time parents compared to 1 full time and one SAHP if it’s an option, both parents have financial security, both are in jobs with option to ask to go back up to full time when kids are older, skills and CPD are kept up, pensions, paid annual leave, sick leave and special leave for both as well as the right to unpaid parental leave, assuming a heterosexual couple kids see both men and women in working and caring and housekeeping roles, workplaces see both men and women as likely to need flexibility for their families, dads get to spend more valuable time with their kids and see them grow up and their milestones, men will value childcare and housekeeping more when they are having to do it, plus a lot of benefits like child benefit and tax free childcare are set up that you won’t get them if there’s one very high earner so it’s better to have two lower earners.

Lone parents are meant to do everything and not complain or else they're LAZY. Work full time, do all the housework, 100% of the childcare, nobody to help out at all. SAHMs with husbands are hard workers and get sympathy, a SAHM who is a lone parent is a LAZY BENEFIT SCROUNGER.

Yes @Beezknees , my apologies, I forgot my place. And if you DO work and support your own children with no state support as a lone parent then you are milked like a dairy cow and taxed MORE than a household with two parents and the same household income. But we should shut up and suck it up, feckless mothers doing everything who should have just used their crystal balls to choose a better husband. 🤦🏻‍♀️🙄

Kids like routine, they like to know what’s coming next, and that a natural series of events will take place. I’m not opposed to some freelance parenting not when it came to sleeping and eating. Nursery definitely got that right.

What's the issue with scheduled naps?

My kids napped nicely at nursery.

At home they monkeyed about, wouldn't sleep or wanted me to lie down with them for ages and ages, or just kept going , refusing to sleep and running round like the Energizer Bunny until they were really really overtired and screeching and hysterical. Then they'd fall asleep at literally the worst and most inconvenient time.

They seemed happier and calmer at nursery.

Mine needs the structure. Without it, he'd get over tired and grumpy and his sleep would actually get worse.

A schedule works really well with him.

Lone parents are meant to do everything and not complain or else they're LAZY. Work full time, do all the housework, 100% of the childcare, nobody to help out at all. SAHMs with husbands are hard workers and get sympathy, a SAHM who is a lone parent is a LAZY BENEFIT SCROUNGER.

Scheduled naps? Bizarre. Never did that with DS, I just let him nap when he wanted to as long as it wasn't too close to bedtime.

I have a 2 year old and a 6 month old and none of our naps are scheduled. We just go with the flow of when they're tired.
I know lots of people prefer structure but it just doesn't work for us.
Would be difficult they were in nursery though and I can imagine they would become more structured as they would have more precise wake ups and bedtimes

How should lone parents manage then? How would they provide for their children if kids should have one parent not working? It's tiring of course, but you have two people to split earning and caring between, so 48 hours per day to do what a lone parent needs to do in 24.

Parenting is exhausting, expensive and a lot of juggling and means little time to yourself though, I agree.

I would never use the words 'farm out' or ask 'why bother having kids' because it's unnecessary and antagonistic.

There's a difference between saying ''I wouldn't use a nursery for my own child'' and ''Why do people bother having children if they are just going to farm them out to nurseries?''.

My baby has scheduled naps at home as well as at nursery. They have a sleeping area off of the main room (no door) which has actual cots for them to nap in.

In the main room, they have several different areas such as messy play, book area with puppets, sensory area with treasure baskets etc but they also have a cosy quiet area for them if they just want to relax for a bit.

Not all nurseries are the same. Imagine that.

@Sissynova to be fair mine were both so rubbish at naps that scheduling them was a bit useless. Nursery handled it, and had proper beds. Naps were on an as needed basis - DC2 dropped all naps before age 2 and nursery just dealt with it. They were both epic sleepers at night though.

Sissynova - I was quoting another poster who was questioning scheduled naps for babies / toddlers.

Fandabedodgy - some people are insecure about all kinds of things. But also, people have opinions about things they would not do and that's it. For instance, if you said, 'I think full time boarding school is wrong at age 7,' that's not because you're insecure about your own child's school arrangements. It's because boarding school is just something you yourself could not imagine for your child and would never consider.

@Citrines *"Blimey! Scheduled naps? Is that happening.."

Yes of course it is.*

Do you think scheduled naps only happen at nursery?? I don’t know a single person with a 6m-2.5year old who doesn’t have a routine with scheduled naps.

WTF is the point of having children, if you're just going to palm them on on various 'caregivers?

People write the kind of shite quote above because they are insecure about the decisions they have made for their own families and feel the need lash out at others who've chosen, or have, to make different decisions.

I feel sorry for these people. It is sad that they aren't confident about their choices and seek validation by attacking others.

Nothing like that at the nursery mine went to.

"Blimey! Scheduled naps? Is that happening.."

Yes of course it is. A nursery I went into, they had those plastic playmats and large 3D cushioned shapes and at a certain time, they told the toddlers to lie down on these and have a nap for 1-2 hours. Didn't even give them blankets or anything. Loads of them just lying there on foam plastic covered mats.

Decluttering will help a lot. It's managing all the stuff that takes the time. Declutter everything you can ( especially toys and clothes) and you'll have less to manage and basically pick up and move from place to place.

You have my sympathy though, I have 2 kids and work 4 days and it's hard!

They also need down time and space (and I don't mean scheduled naps with all the other kids - it's not the same).

Blimey! Scheduled naps? Is that happening in the conveniently crap imaginary nursery in your head that you think working parents send their children to, or did you go out of your way to find such appalling care for your own child?

I'm an extremely present parent even though I'm a single parent but the difference is I wfh and my employer gives me a ton of flexibility so I do all the pick ups/drop offs, school events plus I'm a school rep. I'd say I do a ton more than some of the couples where one parent is SAHM as they aren't at events or have nannies collecting their children. I wouldnt be able to manage as well if I had to go into the office more regularly as its just me. But as a SAHM parent, it would undoubtedly be much easier.

Let alone one who’ll tidy up, make the beds and start the dinner!

I think it's more the insinuation from some that you can't possibly be a present and involved parent if you're working full time that is irritating people.

@determinedtomakethiswork I'd say a cleaner every day is serious money. I have one weekly and I was even apprehensive about that but they make my life a ton easier!

Why should anyone else care about what the other is doing? Posters are discussing options. One option is to stay home if you can afford to. I don’t give two hoots about what anyone else is doing. That’s on them just as my choice to raise my own child is mine.