Would you find this offensive? *Trigger Warning*

I think pointing out any visible difference is unnecessary and has the potential to offend. Our bodies are just the physical thing that carry ‘us’ around and don’t need judging As good or bad in anyway.

International Day of Persons with Disabilities is 3 December. My workplace acknowledges it, and we’ve had quite a bit of disability-related training this year. So hopefully the tide is turning on that.

I do think that the comment made by OP’s friend was offensive, though. I think it’s both the “ee” on the end, and seeming to “other” the baby. I would have a different view if the comment had been along the lines of asking if the child had Down Syndrome - after the obligatory and socially conventional comment about how cute the baby is, of course.

That's a an incredibly awful thing to say and yes, I would be angered by it and my view of that person would be changed.

What a prize twat!

To be honest I would find someone saying in response to a picture of a newborn, ‘the baby looks black’ or ‘the baby looks gay’ offensive as well. Not because they are negative attributes or because it would be bad to look either but because someone bringing up specific attributes is almost certainly doing it to be rude, it’s not usually to comment on a baby’s skin colour or on whether or not they have a disability etc when being shown a photo so to do so suggests the person raising it is doing so to be rude. If someone comments on a baby being black it suggests they think white is the default and being black is noteworthy, otherwise why mention it at all? The same with the baby potentially having Down’s syndrome, so what if s/he does or doesn’t? Why bring it up at all within the context of looking at a photo unless you want to gossip about it or think it effects how cute the baby photo is?

Yes, it's a horrid thing to say. I understand why you had a cry , and I would have nothing more to do with that person.

Also puzzled as to how saying “your baby looks gay” would be a neutral statement as if there’s a specific way to look gay

This is my thinking too - hence not understanding why it was an offensive thing to say (other than the 'ee' on the end, potentially?)

That’s really not the same thing at all. Do you think being black or gay is the same as having a disability?

@Wodwo no its because it was obviously said in a mean way. Read the op. You are just being inflammatory

No, but telling people they look disabled whether they are or not is offensive

Can you not at all think why people might find that comment rude? If you were shown a photo of a baby that clearly had Down’s syndrome would you say ‘oh you have a disabled baby’, or ‘ah isn’t he cute’ like a normal person would? If you were introduced to someone that you thought had some downs features would you say to them ‘you look a bit Down syndrome-ee’?

Are people on here saying looking Down’s syndrome is offensive?

Trying to think why this would be offensive - was it because of the 'ee' at the end, as opposed to saying the child looks like they have Down syndrome?

Insensitive, rude, ableist, inappropriate, uncalled for.

That's not a nice thing for her to have said, and I'm so sorry you had to hear that. I bet your child is adorable and a delight, and this acquaintance/ friend is ignorant to the hurt and distress such comments actually make to people.

I hope the comment doesn't get back to the baby's parents either. Though if it did, it would serve the person right if they were ostracised for it.

I wouldn't find it offensive either - what is offensive about the remark? It doesn't sound like they were derogatory about Down syndrome, unless they said other stuff that was negative?

The way in which it was said denotes an ignorant and rude person.

If they genuinely thought the baby had Downs Syndrome there is no need to comment on the the baby having it unless it was to say something positive such as 'What a lovely smile' just as you would about a baby that doesn't have Downs Syndrome.

I don't think you should have said anything at the time as you were clearly upset and emotional.

Now you are composed you can address the comment and point out to the person that what they said was bang out of order.

I wouldn't find it offensive personally

YADNBU X

Horribly offensive. And don't beat yourself up about not speaking up OP- It sounds like you've been through a lot, you don't have to always be ready to pounce on these horrible ableist comments. TBH whoever she was talking to should have called her out on it.

1. this is someone’s pride and joy
2. what’s wrong with Down’s syndrome
3. insulting people for thongs they did not have a say in is wrong

That’s an incredibly insensitive comment