Would you find this offensive? *Trigger Warning*

I'd not be socialising with that person again.

Yes, I think it was an offensive thing to say. Depending on how long ago it was, I think I would give the person a ring and chat about it. Explain how you felt when you heard it and why.

I was out for coffee with two friends and one of the friends make a comment that I considered to be racist (she didn't, and dismissed my concerns - we agreed that she wouldn't say that in front of me again though). Second friend who had been replying to a text zoned back into the conversation at the point but didn't say anything.

About a fortnight later I met up with the second friend who told me that she had phoned the first friend about the comment she made as she had been really upset by it and explained to the first friend why (she had a more direct reason to be upset by it than me). She got a heartfelt apology from the first friend who just didn't seem to understand. I was impressed and thought it was exactly the right thing to do. It taught me that sometimes it is more powerful to address things later without an audience - but to address them.

Disingenuous in the extreme and classic victim blaming.

It's quite possible to understand ableism in the overall social context, as here, without buying in to it.

Christ, this is patronising & nonsense.

Possibly because it was highly unlikely to have been meant in a 'kind' way.

Not noticing, caring or commenting would have been the right way to be

I don't know where to start. There are so many reasons that was wrong and offensive.

Please steer clear of them in the future

I can't believe some of the replies on here. YANBU OP and it's very easy to tell on here the posters who have had zero experience of having a child with any additional needs. Of course it was said in a negative way as OP said others at the table giggled so it certainly wasn't that the ladies at the table were concerned or asking a genuine question about the baby.

Its just a slightly dark humour comment meant to shock. If you choose to be offended on everyone else's behalf all the time you will have a pretty miserable life.

Tbh it depends how it was said.

If she was just being factual then there’s nothing wrong with saying it.

If she was taking the piss then obviously it’s not ok.

I do understand what you’re saying though and why you’d be offended. I would have been quite shocked too.

Many people don’t realise that most of my family are black or mixed-race and I am constantly getting offended by things that they say and I hate any topics of black rights being brought up or someone having a tan or a black person getting a job in power, as I know they’re going to say something that’s borderline racist and it’s going to get my back up but I don’t say anything as I’m not sure if I’m being overly defensive or not.

I would just try and avoid this woman in future.

I would have kicked off about this. And to be honest if have probably left the meal because I wouldn't have wanted to sit around people who would sit and chuckle at that.

On a side note, surely just writing the words "trigger warning" is pointless? I would have thought you need to provide the trigger, eg. "Trigger warning: ableism". I'm not sure you can just give a generic TW because how would people know whether or not it is going to 'trigger' them?

Are you saying that if you heard someone describe a baby as "looking Down syndrome-ee", you would assume they were being positive?

I've think we've a while to go before I would assume that.

The whole faux "why is it offensive" on here is fucking pathetic. Stop trying to be cool and be honest. It was clearly meant as a derogatory comment. Nothing to do with being snowflakes, it's just rude and unnecessary.

And no I don't see people with disabilities as lesser people before someone asks that. But this comment was obviously meant to be offensive by someone who does think that. Nobody makes a passing comment like that in an innocent way and anybody saying they would is talking bullshit

I think how it was said matters. It could have just been a mean comment about a baby's looks using a lazy stereotype. Or it could have been a concerned or neutral observation. I don't find the comment offensive in itself, but it totally could have been offensive depending on the context, which the op is best placed to interpret.

That's not to say you don't have every right to feel emotional about it, OP. You feel what you feel.

What was it that upset you, OP?
The idea that people may look at your LO and be aware they have chromosome differences?
That they were commenting on the appearance of a child?

I mean I'd say 'wow, look at that amazing hair!' 'Gosh his eyes are really dark!' or similar.

Does he has Down's syndrome? No, he just has very round eyes... or whatever.

I used to foster, and the mum of a teenager with Downs commented that one of my babies looked as though he had Downs.

He doesn't, but probably does have a chromosomal difference.

I don't see the problem with the comment to be honest.

Unless it was said in a nasty way.

I think the outrage at pattern recognition is ridiculous.

The generation a person is from has no bearing on how they act or respond. That is absolute lazy stereotypical thinking from those who came up with the trope and those who subscribe to it.

Describing anyone as looking "Down Syndrome-y" is unnecessary. If the baby is a child with Down Syndrome the parents will be very aware - Picking out particular characteristics and highlighting those for no reading whatsoever tells you more about the person saying it and less about the person being described.

I think you are over-reacting. Its just a comment and not even a derogatory one.

Yes I would find that offensive, and if a friend of mine I would 100% pick them up on it.

Ikr this generation get offended at the slightest thing......gen X would have been like...."where let me see"
It's ridiculous tbh. There's nothing wrong with having downs, or mentioning it. Generation of snowflakes because if they're offended by that just wait till you REALLY experience the world! What an overreaction.

It was pretty insensitive and clearly not meant as a compliment. I would probably have said something.

I do have a child with DS Op and unfortunately you do get used to people saying some pretty stupid things to you. Generally never meant maliciously, they just don't get it. I have developed a very thick skin!

What was everyone else's reaction?

This.