Last minute invite

Loulec · 2023-07-09T08:40:11+00:00

DS is 5 and in reception, he is very close with his best friend in class and told me this week it was his birthday. Last night at 9:58pm his friends’ mum text me to say she’s having family and friends over with bouncy castles and slides for a party and asks if my DS wants to come over to play for a few hours for the next day. To me my son was a complete after thought considering how close we already know they are and how late I’ve been told. Plus we do have plans for part of the day - weather permitting- but had I known before I would have made sure he can go. Am I wrong for declining the invitation?

Eve171 · 09/07/2023 15:53

Loulec · 09/07/2023 11:23

I said
hi * I’m sorry but ** cannot come as we already have plans and will be out for the day. I hope you all have a good time.

She then called me to question why we couldn’t change our plans and stuck to the point that we already had plans and her invite came last minute

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I'm sorry, but I don't believe this at all. Because surely you'd bring up that you were a last minute invite and you'd find out why she didn't originally include your kid and then you'd have more of a story to tell here.

NoTouch · 09/07/2023 14:20

Xeren · 09/07/2023 12:35

Well given that the birthday boy’s mum called up OP and berated her for not changing her plans and attend her precious child’s birthday party it sounds like that the other mum didn’t think they had much worth herself!

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Latest post shows the other mother is obviously a bit batshit, it is likely she has fucked up somehow, has a spoilt "worthy" brat at home who thinks OPs child is very "worthy" too and is trying to save the party.

You are clearly not going to answer the specific question I asked, so I'll leave it, but I would suggest you have a think about determining "worth" of your child based on their acceptance or decline of an invite to a 5 year olds party - it is unhealthy to think of your child in that way - either go if you are free or don't if you don't want to, don't overthink it, the 5 year olds won't either.

WandaWonder · 09/07/2023 12:51

If my child had an opportunity for a fun day and I was able to make it why would I come up with some drama about how it happened?

Yes I would take them

drpet49 · 09/07/2023 12:50

Loulec · 09/07/2023 11:23

I said
hi * I’m sorry but ** cannot come as we already have plans and will be out for the day. I hope you all have a good time.

She then called me to question why we couldn’t change our plans and stuck to the point that we already had plans and her invite came last minute

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She sounds batshit crazy. I’d keep a distance from her.

redskytwonight · 09/07/2023 12:41

Loulec · 09/07/2023 11:23

I said
hi * I’m sorry but ** cannot come as we already have plans and will be out for the day. I hope you all have a good time.

She then called me to question why we couldn’t change our plans and stuck to the point that we already had plans and her invite came last minute

Show quote history

This is sounding like the other parent dropped the ball. Her DC asked if your DS could come, she said "yes, of course he can" and then promptly forgot all about it until last night. She's now in a panic as you can't come and her DC is expecting your DS.

If it was easy to change your plans, I probably would, just to be obliging. But I woudln't go out of my way to do so (which sounds like your case).

Xeren · 09/07/2023 12:37

Loulec · 09/07/2023 11:10

Thanks for all opinions, only reason I asked was because the other mum said I was wrong for declining and wouldn’t accept that we already have plans. I don’t know them very well so I thought it was a bit off.

anyway we’re setting off early to have a lovely Sunday!

Yikes!

Hope you have a lovely day - enjoy!🥰

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 09/07/2023 12:37

If it is outside, it's likely she was waiting to see what the weather was looking like before inviting people. A few kids in the garden is ok but a few running round your house on a rainy day can be absolute chaos

Xeren · 09/07/2023 12:35

NoTouch · 09/07/2023 10:24

There was no hysteria (from me anyway!) but introducing rusty cages might be bordering on it. 🤣

The way forums work is posters discuss a subject which also includes discussion between posters, it would be very boring if it was only replies to op and not a developing conversation.

I can read the rest of you post, but was interested on how you specifically think your dc's "worth" would be affected either positively or negatively, and by whom, by accepting/declining an invite?

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Well given that the birthday boy’s mum called up OP and berated her for not changing her plans and attend her precious child’s birthday party it sounds like that the other mum didn’t think they had much worth herself!

WonderfulUsername · 09/07/2023 12:20

Loulec · 09/07/2023 11:10

Thanks for all opinions, only reason I asked was because the other mum said I was wrong for declining and wouldn’t accept that we already have plans. I don’t know them very well so I thought it was a bit off.

anyway we’re setting off early to have a lovely Sunday!

Really?

Babsexxx · 09/07/2023 12:08

Part of the day/weather dependant in your original post = flimsy.

chickenwings2 · 09/07/2023 11:38

Wow what an overreaction. I'd have just thought they were thinking should we invite a school friend then got in touch?

billy1966 · 09/07/2023 11:36

Her not accepting your declining the invitation is really strange 😳

Original poster

Loulec · 09/07/2023 11:23

Shinyandnew1 · 09/07/2023 11:12

the other mum said I was wrong for declining

Wrong? What exactly did you/she say?

-can X come tomorrow to play for y’a family party?
-ah, no I’m sorry-we already have plans
-you’re wrong.

?

I said
hi * I’m sorry but ** cannot come as we already have plans and will be out for the day. I hope you all have a good time.

She then called me to question why we couldn’t change our plans and stuck to the point that we already had plans and her invite came last minute

OP posts:

Shinyandnew1 · 09/07/2023 11:12

the other mum said I was wrong for declining

Wrong? What exactly did you/she say?

-can X come tomorrow to play for y’a family party?
-ah, no I’m sorry-we already have plans
-you’re wrong.

?

Original poster

Loulec · 09/07/2023 11:10

Thanks for all opinions, only reason I asked was because the other mum said I was wrong for declining and wouldn’t accept that we already have plans. I don’t know them very well so I thought it was a bit off.

anyway we’re setting off early to have a lovely Sunday!

OP posts:

Growlybear83 · 09/07/2023 11:10

What a bizarre over reaction. If your sore wants to go, why on earth wouldn't you take home if your plans can fit around it?

hairtodaygonetm · 09/07/2023 11:07

Createausername1970 · 09/07/2023 09:46

She might mean her family and her friends with kids? Is she definitely saying other kids from the same class? Your DC might be a special request from her DC?

Unless what you have planned will be awkward to rearrange, I would accept.

This was my thinking too.

FairAcre · 09/07/2023 11:04

Sounds to me like a lot of kids have dropped out and she is trying to make up numbers. I would continue with your original plans.

frazzledasarock · 09/07/2023 11:02

If you have plans. I’d decline. You’ll need to sort out a last minute birthday gift for the child too.

If you are able to take your son. Take Huma if it interferes with plans you’ve already made. I’d decline.

Original poster

Loulec · 09/07/2023 11:00

Babsexxx · 09/07/2023 09:42

Yabu your plans are flimsy you haven’t booked a really expensive day trip I presume? Good luck explaining that to ds tomorrow when he gets to school and hears all about it.

Sorry op yabu but the other mum is also! Fwiw.

Our plans aren’t flimsy, it would mean having to travel back early and cut the whole family’s day out to accommodate it. Also my sons not going to have a breakdown, he’s already been told and said he’ll play with him tomorrow at school.

OP posts:

MolkosTeenageAngst · 09/07/2023 10:59

If you’re busy it’s fine to decline. If you’re free to go and your son would enjoy it then it’s petty to decline just because you feel you should have been invited sooner. You don’t know why your son wasn’t invited earlier, could b a number of valid reasons. She could have not invited your so. at all, the fact he has been at all shows some level of want for your son to be there.

Rocknrollstar · 09/07/2023 10:53

I don’t think 5 year olds have a level of worth - he wont realise it was a last minute invite. It’s nice of them to think of him and you should let him go.

WimpoleHat · 09/07/2023 10:52

I agree - I think “family and friends” means adult friends and their kids, rather than a kids’ party where a chunk of the class is going. To be fair to her, this is a very different vibe (an adults’ gathering, with fun stuff for the kids rather than a kids’ party with adults there to supervise). So I don’t think it’s a snub to your DS at all, more an acknowledgement that his mate would really like him to come and play.

TiaraBoo · 09/07/2023 10:52

If my child wanted to go, I’d take them.
Like others, I see it as family and non-school friends and birthday boy suddenly realised he wants his friend to come.
(I believe my 5th birthday party was my parents having a bbq with their friends, neighbours and neighbours kids)

BeaLola · 09/07/2023 10:51

Poppins2016 · 09/07/2023 09:44

On balance, I think you would be wrong to decline. I understand it's rubbish being an afterthought, but you're making a point to the adult without considering the value that attending will bring to both children (who don't have any say in the politics surrounding the invitation/attendance).

And perhaps her DS has only just asked if yours could go

I would let your DS go and fit around it