Sad about DMs 'work' done to face

Yep agree re threads, save up for a lower facelift, there is a thread on here somewhere where the poster posted pictures of her lower facelift procedure, she looked great and I think she didn’t have to have a general either just sedation.

Threads are dodgy as hell, avoid!

It’s her body OP.

Thanks, you said it was a rolls royce procedure so I assumed it was some fandangly thing they do

The problem with 'Harley Street' is that it doesnt mean anything, its just a street with offices that anyone can set up a business from. It doesnt mean someone working a business out of there has some sort of fantastic reputation/history/knowledge and skill

Ive been looking at thread lifts which are not surgery but which still cost a bomb

I literally only want my jowls sorting and my new turkey neck, theres nothing wrong with anything else on my face, I dont have lines much round my eyes or anywhere else as such.

Perhaps its cheaper to invest in a load of roll neck jumpers.

YANBU. For the reasons you give but I'd also be gutted that she felt she needed it. I'm not a fan of cosmetic surgery personally.

*What did she have out of interest

The few searches Ive done to try and look at what one can have, have been utterly overwhelming, all different names for similar procedures so I cant tell whats what

I wouldnt know how to go about choosing a surgeon, presumably all the ones where it doesnt look so good, the patient carefully chose the surgeon?*

I can't answer that.

All I know was she went to Harley Street - top private surgeon. Cost over £20k she said all in with travel, hospital stays, post care etc.

Reading between the lines, in HS the costs quoted and what you end up spending can be very different eg they quote for the procedure but the pre-post consultations/care and hospital stats are all on top.

She said it was a full FL and not a "mini" though I'm not sure of the difference.

Fantastic post, absolutely spot on.

its not about judging or whether it looks good or not. The op just knows her mum’s face.. you remember your mum by HER warm eyes. Now they’re different. No longer the same eyes you associated with your mother. Of course it’s normal to feel sad at that changing. I’m sure everyone’s right though. The swelling will go down and personality will return

My DM had a facelift 7/8 years ago. I was shocked too and she had a similarly stern look because of swelling. It took about a six months to a year to settle in I reckon. She looked great after that. Now I always forget she’s had it down. Anyway, I hear you but don’t despair. Promise it will get better.

@bellac11 - I'm sorry, I don't understand what you mean. I guess from reading your earlier posts you're being sarcastic? Caring for my appearance is not the same as being frightened of visually appearing to be the middle aged woman I am.

I think what would bother me is you could go to 10 different highly recommended surgeons and no matter how good they are, each one would leave you looking slightly different. That’s kind of a weird thought.

What did she have out of interest

The few searches Ive done to try and look at what one can have, have been utterly overwhelming, all different names for similar procedures so I cant tell whats what

I wouldnt know how to go about choosing a surgeon, presumably all the ones where it doesnt look so good, the patient carefully chose the surgeon?

YANBU OP, but on the other hand it's early days so perhaps your DM's face will look better over time. I can totally understand how you feel though. A close friend of mine recently had a lot of treatment/"tweaks" done, when I saw her, her face seem "frozen" and so strange. We chatted, but it was harder to communicate as she had zero expression. Hope it gets better for your DM soon.

Well it's certainly a subject that splitting opinions....

Tbh I always thought I might be tempted by a FL in the future, but as I've got older its actually something I wouldn't do.

I'm an each to their own kind of person and if cosmetic surgery makes someone feel better then good for them.

That said the one reason I've changed my mind is a friend who spent £££ on a FL with a leading surgeon. Was after the whole "natural but better vibe" - looks great for her age type result.

She doesn't look younger or better. She just looks different in a way that's hard to articulate. It's not a "worse" look but it can be a bit jarring even two plus years on.

It's made her feel good about herself, but I know her DH preferred her "old" face - even though he'd never say that to her (nor would her friends). It's sort of a bit like Renee Zellweger if you get my drift. If you'd never met her before the FL you'd probably think she looked fine.

I suppose what's a bit sad is she believes we all think she looks fantastic - when really we just think she looks a weirdly bit different and had work done (though you probably wouldn't necessarily assume it was surgery if you met her for the first time).

Still it can't be undone so no point bursting her bubble. Though I do wonder how many people having had a FL and recommend it to others, do so partly because "everyone" says how great they look.

She's certainly taken one for the team in our social circle though.

All of us who might have thought about it have backed off the idea - especially as she had a supposedly Rolls Royce procedure.

lol

I take it you dont own any mirrors, wear a hessian sack and never have your hair cut.

Because thats how I live and I really feel sorry for women (dont care about the men) who feel the need to have their hair done, wear nice clothes and have their identity and sense of belonging so bound up in their looks.

When I was about eight, I burst into tears at the mere suggestion from my mum that she might dye her hair. I didn't want my mummy to change.

Obviously now I'm a grown up my perspective has changed but I certainly know what you mean OP. I'd be very sad too.

Does your mum like her new look at least?

Unfortunately 'work' never makes anyone look younger. It just makes them look like an older person who's had work done. I'd rather spend the money on treats.

Well observed

I am old. My face is aging. I don't find it saddening or depressing, it's interesting.

I do feel very sorry for women who feel that way though. It must be dreadful to be so unhappy about the natural aging process and to have your identity and sense of well-being so bound up in your looks.

when i was in my thirties i said i was goi g to age naturally.

then my hair started to go grey early and it does not suit me. it just doesn't. so i dye it.

over lockdown all the teams meetings made me realise that i both frown a lot and have massive wrinkles along my frown line. so i botox.

both of these things make me feel better.

if i could go back i would tell myself that there is no one way of growing old gracefully - and natural is not always best.

You sound honestly horrid. Your attitude towards your mum is unpleasant. Sorry.

I would be devastated if my mother did this, with such a change in her appearance. My mother has a lovely smile and never looks angry.

Lol Helen Mirren has definitely had a facelift – you can tell the way her wrinkles go horizontally toward the side of her face.

She looks great for it, it’s well executed, good for her.

Well that surely depends on whats happened

The thick duck lips neither look younger nor better, but its a 'look' that girls want, like getting a new handbag or shoes, its just a look/fashion so its not designed to look younger

Someone like Helen Mirren or Joannah Lumley must have had some work, but they dont look weird. They might not even look younger than they would have if they hadnt had the work done (no one will ever know), but they might look better and they might feel better.

If I could look as good as either of them at that age Id be happy, even if I didnt look 'younger' as such.

Bravo!