To think this isn’t rude?

If I was talking to my husband about his parents whether they were with us or not I would never refer to them by their names as he doesn't call them that. That would feel weird to me.

Oh I do say 'your mum' too. However, I wouldn't if corrected. It feels warmer to refer to my MIL as your mum in the context you've outlined. It feels nicer somehow. By saying 'Linda' I would feel more like an outsider I guess. I'm very close to my in laws and see them weekly.

What’s the problem with using her name?

I think she’s the weird one. It’s normal when speaking to someone to use the name they use when speaking about another person. E.g when I’m speaking to my kids about my DH I call him “dad” and when speaking to my nieces and nephews about their mum (my sis) I don’t say her name, I say “mum”.

Does she have a husband? If so, does he call her Linda when talking to DH or would he say 'your mum'? Saying 'your mum' is definitely the more natural imo.

Just reading some replies, if I was talking to my dad about the cost of butter and I was involving my DH into the conversion I'd say "my dad just said butter has gone up by 20%, didn't you dad"

If I was to say "Terry just told me the cost of butter has gone up by 20%" my dad would probably be re-living the annoyance of when I called him by his first name when I was in my rebellious teen years and thought it funny 😆

I could be sat next to DH and if one of the kids said (for example) can I have an ice cream he might say ask your mum. It doesn't mean he doesn't know my name, it's how they refer to me as! If he said ask toodles I'd think he was being fucking odd!

I dont find it rude. But if the person who I was speaking about did find it rude then I would follow their wishes.
I think its rude to carry on doing it when you know she doesnt like it

Me too, I'd feel weird calling her by her first name in that scenario.

I'd definitely say your mum and not use her name in this scenario

She's weird

Linda is being weird here. You're using your husband's name for her when talking about her to him.

It's not the same. I'd assume DH refers to OPs mum as "your mum", rather than "Sophie said".

Surely most people use both anyway, depending on context? I definitely refer to my husband as "your dad" to my stepkids. Be weird as fuck if I started using his first name.

"Listen to your dad?", "Dad's calling you Maisie".

If I was talking TO DMIL I'd say Angie. If I was talking to the kids I'd say Nan. If I was talking to DH I'd say your Mom. If I was talking to the neighbour I'd say Angie. It's about what the person you're talking to knows them as

I couldn't imagine saying to DH "angie wants you to call her tonight" because that's not what he calls her. However, if it matters to her then I'd use it in front of her, or avoid it totally - "we were just saying, let's sacrifice a goat for tonight's festivities"

I have honestly never heard anyone use a parent in laws first name in the context she is requesting.

If I'm talking to MIL or FIL directly, obviously I use their name.

If I'm talking to DH or SIL about their parent, I'll say "your mum/your dad", regardless of whether or not they're present.

Does DH say “Your mum” when referring about you to your DC ? Or does he say mum? There is a difference.

It's not rude but she obviously doesn't like it so you should stop.

Ask her directly if it’s an etiquette thing or just her preference. Just plead ignorant and interested. I’ve never heard of that and would always say as you do, ‘your mum.’

@CherieBabySpliffUp

A bit like when a child is in hospital and is referred to as "mum."

I absolutely love it when HCP / nursery staff call me "Mum". Sometimes it makes me want to well up (soppy gobshite aren't I 😂) because I feel so privileged to be a Mum and so full of love for my child!
I know a lot of women hate it though- to use that awful MN phrase "makes their teeth itch"

She’s being weird. If I’m talking to DP about MIL I would say “your mum” and he would do the same. If I was talking to DSD about DP I would say “Dad” and if I was referring to MIL, I would say “nanny”. No one has been offended by this in my house (so far!)

"Would you like any more, Linda? - Jack, top your mum's glass up while you're pouring"

Clutching at straws, perhaps she's attempting to reassure you that she has no objection to being addressed by her first name? I'm from a circle that traditionally expected people to address in-laws as Mum and Dad. Fifteen years after his wedding, my father was still experimenting with how to address his MiL (his diary contains an entry referring to "Mrs P") before eventually getting comfortable enough with "Mary" by about 1980. When we married in 1992 there were still some sharp intakes of breath at me using ILs' first names. (Even though I'd been addressing even-older people at church as Esther, Doug, etc for several years by this point.)

YANBU as the poll suggests. Ignore the weirdos on MN who thinks it's normal.

She doesn't get to dictate how you refer to her.