Mum's, how do do it?

Adjustment after the first baby is the biggest as you go from no baby to having a baby. Any subsequent babies are coming into an already child-centric routine so not everything changes. 15 weeks is incredibly early days. You have gone through the most immense physical and emotional change and it takes time to adjust and find your new groove.
There are massive variety of sleep and feeding patterns which makes a big difference to the day to day feel of things.
Don't be fooled by what you see. You might only be seeing the external, competent looking version of people's lives. It doesn't mean they are always on top of things.
Looking back, I wish I had just relaxed more about those baby years. I was too concerned with getting a feeling of the old me back and I think I missed out on enjoying some of the lovely bits of babies.
Good luck, I'm sure you are doing really well.

Cut yourself some slack! You don't need to be perfect ... and anyway, who's judging what's perfect! Good enough IS good enough. You're putting WAY too much pressure on yourself to be some pin-up of what you think you need to be. Being a mum is hard work - anyone who looks like they've got it all covered is probably just the same as you behind closed doors. Take a breath. The only person judging you is you ... if anyone else was genuinely judging your parenting or behavior when you JUST had a baby, they are absolutely not worth your time!

I was lucky enough to have mine before the days of constant posting for every little thing, I was also the first of our circle to have a baby and we also lived abroad, away from 'helpful' family. I just did what seemed right, I don't think I ever asked others about it, maybe the professionals, I trusted my own judgement. No doubt by today's norms I would be judged a terrible mother but not having all the twee language, eg what the hell's 'sleep training'? made life much easier. As I wasn't working I went to Spanish lessons, she slept out on a balcony and with number 2 I did an OU degree to stop being too bored.

All mothers perform daily miracles. I didn't sleep properly for 5 years.
A top tip is to dress them, if doing a night nappy change whilst asleep . Mine were like dressing a snake.
You are not alone and you are doing a great job op.

Some of us just aren't cut out for babies!

Every minute seemed like a day to me, I do really sympathise.

Ours are older now, and I'm thoroughly enjoying it. You will too.

It does (gradually) get better.

I think you just muddle through. We had our first at just 18 and my husband and I had no support. It was tough but we had 3 by the time we were 25 and our youngest was born disabled. Not sure how we got through it but they're all over 10 now and our eldest will be an adult by the end of the year.
our lives are sooo much easier now and it goes by so fast that before you know it you think 'wow well that was over with quickly' and then you wonder why you were ever stressed.

Be kind to yourself. It does get easier. It's a bit like learning to drive, when you can't do everything at the same time and your hopelessly uncoordinated. Then it just clicks.

Being organised even when you are shattered helps. Repacking a nappy bag when you get in rather than just before you go out for example. Easier to remember your precious baby shat all over the spare vest and onesie in Starbucks when you are unloading the bag than right before you go out next time 😂

As for the chic put together mums. If you were naturally like that before you had a baby you'll get your shit together again. If you were more in the slob territory but scrub up well then your whole personality is unlikely to change especially with severe sleep deprivation. Creating a bit of a uniform for yourself helps. I realised after DD1 was born that I didn't own any tops that were suitable for breastfeeding really.

Baby is still tiny, don’t put pressure on yourself. Try to do something each day that makes you feel like yourself - whether that’s baking or a full face of makeup, just whatever would make you feel more like you. Don’t worry about what you look like if you can help it. This is the time to let all that go!!
I wish I had used the sling more when DC was tiny to allow me to do stuff - maybe try this?

I hope you complained about the salesman!
What an idiot!

@mummatam your little one is only 15 weeks old, be kind to yourself.

I would absolutely make a complaint about mattress guy. I’m furious on your behalf reading that. (not the point of the thread I know).

I found the early stages incredibly hard. I had a real turning point at 6 months when we did sleep training and managed to sleep ourselves for some longer stretches.

Now I look back and wonder if I had PND, but I really don’t think I did. I think I found it incredibly hard because it was incredibly hard.

It does get easier though OP. You will get back to feeling more like yourself, it just takes time.

He said what?! Please tell me you didn't buy anything from that idiot?

Going from 0-1 was the worst for me!

I looked worse in the year after my first than when I had three under 4...

The shock of the reality of a baby floored me, particularly as other posters have said, he was not an easy baby. Makes a massive difference.

Plus you've got to remember you may be catching these other families at a rate moment when they look like they have got it together, when most of the time they do not.

You are in the earliest baby days OP! You're doing brilliantly! I'm nearly 5 years in, and it's normal to be exhausted. Once they get older, some things get a little easier, and some get harder, but you adapt along the way.

At each stage, I find that you find a rhythm and go with it. I have two DDs (one nearly 5 and one nearly 2.5). We don't have any family nearby to help, so DH and I do everything. We have made choices to make it work, mainly financial. I work part time, and DH has a job where he can WFH two days a week, so he can help with nursery run, school run etc. We use wraparound care for eldest DD, and nursery for youngest DD. He was offered another job with a significant pay increase, but there was zero flexibility, so he turned it down. We were both incredibly relieved. Money isn't everything! I also enjoy working, as I wouldn't like to be a SAHM. Everyone is different though, and as long as you do what suits YOU and your family, you'll find your way. Congratulations on your baby!

Everyone is different. Every baby is different. Some days I draw strength from finding 10
Mins to straighten my hair and throw on some lippy. Some days I could t give a hoot. You do you. OP you're doing a great job and motherhood is HARD.

Also agree with a PP - Mum friends are my life saver! No pressure to do anything or look nice. We just sit around with our messy mum buns drinking tea and moaning talking about our wonderful children!

You're really in the thick of it now. It does get easier when you start getting more of a routine and they sleep for longer chunks (about 6 months). Longer day naps mean you can get stuff done as they could last 2+ hours which is plenty of time to have some lunch, a nap, and run the hoover round if you choose! Longer stints of sleep through the night mean you won't be as tired in general and you'll have more motivation.

I had two under two and it made me feel exactly like you do now. Frazzled!! Try not to compare yourself though, I think even those that make it look easy are probably struggling in some way x

OP you are not alone! That motherhood bus hit me, knocked me down, revved its engine and reversed over me for good measure when dc turned ten months and I went back to work.

it is hard!

my best advice is: lower your expectations, lower your standards, find other mums to have a giggle and a cuppa with, and buy a really good baby carrier or sling!

It will get better I promise. It's hard going at that age. I'm a SAHM to a 19 month old and I honestly love it.

Are you going to any classes?? I have to get out in the morning and afternoon otherwise it is hard work!x

I had 5DSs and 1 Ss who stayed every weekend but I don't think so much was expected of us then .I always worked . They're grown up now. I remember reading a book called from.here to Maternity which had lots of quotes from first time mums . I found that really comforting . Someone should do an updated version !

I had my first at 22, and was out and about every day after about 2 weeks, I had to for my own sanity. Doing my makeup and getting us both out made me feel less trapped. I would dread coming home because it meant sleepless night, sterilising, cleaning etc. I was doing it all alone too.

With my second and third I was the same, although less dread as I wasn't all alone. You have to remember you have no idea how well they're coping no matter how put together they look. I'd get comments about how fast I'd bounced back and how they couldn't manage getting out of their pjs for months but in reality my mental health was shit