To refuse to cook?

I would tell her your husband cooked until after she had eaten it, then when she doesn't criticise it cos he 'cooked' it. That way you prove her pettiness, and prove that she can eat your meals, then say so either you try my food going forward, we don't tell you who cooked, or you don't eat here... o

What sort of culture encourages this sort of controlling behaviour and downright rudeness?

Does your mother in law ever cook for you?

Absolutely spot on, @Madamum18.

I do agree that he should have called his mothers behaviour out, absolutely. But at least he was making some sort of attempt to support her.... needs to be more though!

Yes, he praised @BumbleBee2023's cooking, in his mother's earshot, @Madamum18, but was that really sufficient support? I think that, as @sparepantsandtoothbrush said, it was passive-aggressive and a bit pathetic. Why didn't he tell his mum that her behaviour was rude and unacceptable, and if she couldn't appreciate the effort that the OP was going to, she could go and eat at her own house! That would be supportive!

She has been rude and nasty. I don’t think your husband should let her in the house until she has apologised to you both. If she only apologises to you, it makes out that you are the one who has been insulted and the spotlight is on you. Your husband need to make it clear that he will not accept you being treated like that either.

Eh?? The husband was supporting OP!

@BumbleBee2023

Can we have an update please? Has she been round lately? Has she gotten better or still the same?

Next time she is rude that is your opportunity to say I don't want you to come round anymore. You need to grow a backbone. There is no culture that's acceptable to be rude, rude is rude.

IF there is a next time she comes, you could ask her to cook for you all, then bin it front of her. Sometimes these people need a taste of their own medicine .

If she is going to throw it in the bin without even trying it, no YANBU. Just think of those families who can't afford enough to eat and she does that. Just wondering if you've ever tried cooking for her but making it seem like DH cooked to see what the reaction to the food is?

She just put it in the bin in front of you without trying it? Who the f does that?? That is unbelievably rude. I would tell her to leave my house if she did that.

I admit to not having read ALL of this thread, lots of comments, and agree with many - she's horrible and rude etc....

Just one thing though. How old is MIL? Is this the onset of dementia etc.?? My mother was bloody vile at times before diagnosis....

I wouldn’t Evan have her round any more she is abusive

I wouldn't only not cook for her, I wouldn't have her in the house

People like this need to be put straight, they don't pay your bills but act like they do. I had to recently put a friend of over 20 years straight for similar behaviour. It's my way or the highway, I work very hard and pay my way in life with no assistance, no one is gonna treat me any way.

It sounds to me as if she wants her DS to cook for her. ObIige her. Not as much cooking for you.

He said what?! Get him told about his childish pay on the back to you & telling MIL that until she can set a better example to the children & behave like a normal, decent human being around food she isn’t welcome round to eat!!
If she chooses to stay away altogether that is on her not you & if husband doesn’t like it he can go to hers to cook for her & eat there!

How rude, its not about the waste of good, it's about the rudeness and uncivilised behaviour. And in front of DC? What respect is mil showing you?

Think I'd say, I'm cooking xxx but as you won't like it did you want to bring your own dinner.

You said she makes out she’s going to die in te next few years… hurry it along a bit. Plate up for you and the family and give her a pack of ready salted crisps and the salt cellar.

I would just tell her too much salt is bad for her. Your monitoring her sodium intake. That or pour the whole salt pot on her food, tell her it should be salty enough.lol

On a serious note not unreasonable she's bloody rude.

I think that was a perfect response to her behaviour especially as your husband totally supported you. Just stick at it and make no comment at all. She will learn or not but commenting feeds her ability to be even more rude. Indifferent ignoring does not!

I don't think I'd let her in my house, or else I certainly wouldn't be there if did come over. Horrible rude old bat.

That is a win! Let her plate her own portion from now on. If she steps out of line in the least, tell her to behave and have your husband lecture her again.

The fact you didn't recognise this as a win tells me your perception has become skewed. Lastly, it’s not about your cooking: it’s about you not being good enough for her son. That’s why she bullies you. Don’t let her ever again.

Actually I think that’s a significant win.

She didn’t have her usual meal, had to serve herself and only got a small portion. I would keep doing what you did that night until she makes a proper apology and meanwhile enjoy her arkwardness!

If only a "little word" would be enough. Having known a few similarly toxic relatives, they never really change. They might be nicer for a bit, but they always revert back to type. I think the only actual solution is to have no contact with her, however that can be engineered.