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Original poster

Holiday disagreement with DP

35 replies

Sereeen · 05/07/2023 22:26

i realise that there are worse problems but I need to get this off my chest instead of continuing to argue this with DP until it gets blown out of proportion.

We are planning a short 3-day holiday abroad. 3 days only because he’s a workaholic and doesn’t want to take more time off. I found something that is within this time frame and what we agreed to spend. He really liked it initially but when he saw that the return flights would only get us back home around midnight, he refused because he’d be too tired to work the next day. Getting earlier flights (what he suggested instead) back would mean giving up half a day of our already short holiday, and the price difference - £520 in total with the late flight vs £750 with the early flight.

I expressed that I am not happy and the atmosphere is tense now. I just stopped short of calling the whole thing off. Surely one night of bad sleep / one day at work being tired is manageable? (he’s not a doctor or anything where being tired would cause a risk).

OP posts:
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Lacucuracha · 06/07/2023 00:24

Why not just ket him go early and you stay and enjoy yourself?

Doingmybest12 · 06/07/2023 00:09

I am sure as a one off he can manage on less sleep than usual and he can sleep on the plane. He doesn't want to, I'd actually cancel I think and take myself off for something simple on my own or with a friend.

sandyhappypeople · 06/07/2023 00:00

Sereeen · 05/07/2023 23:30

He’s a contractor, he works for clients regularly and would say to them: next month I can be available for XX days for you. He will need to start early if he commits to a day. How many days he works per month is up to him / depends on how much he wants to earn that month. The 2.5 weeks holidays per year are the time he chooses to not work, entirely up to him. Of course he only gets paid the days he works as a freelance, there are no paid holidays.

Then in my opinion, unless there's more to it, he's being very unreasonable saying he can only give you 2.5 weeks a year to dedicate to holidays and THEN putting restrictions in place for the holiday that you are trying your best to squeeze in to a time slot that suits him.

Does he not like going on holiday? Some people don't! has he always been like that?

Original poster
Sereeen · 05/07/2023 23:30

He’s a contractor, he works for clients regularly and would say to them: next month I can be available for XX days for you. He will need to start early if he commits to a day. How many days he works per month is up to him / depends on how much he wants to earn that month. The 2.5 weeks holidays per year are the time he chooses to not work, entirely up to him. Of course he only gets paid the days he works as a freelance, there are no paid holidays.

OP posts:
Toniii · 05/07/2023 23:28

I hate landing so late and then immediately back at work. But he sounds like hard work given that he barely takes time off. Life's too short to waste it with someone who mainly cares about work before all else.

sandyhappypeople · 05/07/2023 23:06

depends what you mean by freelance? It doesn't always mean you can come and go as you please, it just means you don't work for one set boss/client, you are still restricted in some ways.

I run my own business and I make the most of the freedom, BUT, if I need to be back for work I come back by myself and leave DH and DD, then go back to join them, but that means we can't be more than a couple of hours away.

Why does he only have 2.5 weeks off? That seems quite odd?

determinedtomakethiswork · 05/07/2023 23:03

Surely he could just start work at 11 o'clock or so? Thing is, if his workaholism is affecting your relationship, then you have a big decision to make.

JaniceBattersby · 05/07/2023 22:59

People like that are so tedious. I find they put their work before everything and like to make out how their job is SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT than everyone else’s. I’d find it unbearable I’m afraid.

GroggyLegs · 05/07/2023 22:58

Will he turn into a pumpkin at midnight though?

Bunce1 · 05/07/2023 22:56

TeaKitten · 05/07/2023 22:51

So if he’s freelance he could just not plan anything early in the morning. He’d actually just rather be at work than with you, I’d be throwing him back.

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100%

HisNibs · 05/07/2023 22:53

BravoMyDear · 05/07/2023 22:36

This!

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Seconded! What's the point of someone who values time working more than being with you?

TeaKitten · 05/07/2023 22:51

Sereeen · 05/07/2023 22:39

Sorry, bit of drip feed: we went on a 1-week holiday earlier this year already to visit family abroad. He’s freelance so could take days off as he likes, but takes far less time off than I do…2.5 weeks per year approx, I take 4-5 weeks. It’s more the argument about the disturbed sleep than the 3 days that bother me.

So if he’s freelance he could just not plan anything early in the morning. He’d actually just rather be at work than with you, I’d be throwing him back.

Growlybear83 · 05/07/2023 22:47

Sereeen · 05/07/2023 22:39

Sorry, bit of drip feed: we went on a 1-week holiday earlier this year already to visit family abroad. He’s freelance so could take days off as he likes, but takes far less time off than I do…2.5 weeks per year approx, I take 4-5 weeks. It’s more the argument about the disturbed sleep than the 3 days that bother me.

I agree, OP. If you get home at midnight, he's hardly going to be sleep deprived and unable to function the next day. So many people seem to get really hung up on getting to bed very early and getting their eight hours sleep- it really won't hurt him to have a night with five or six hours sleep!

LittlePoBeep · 05/07/2023 22:42

UndercoverCop · 05/07/2023 22:28

Book yourself for five nights and tell him he's free to leave when he wants

This. Or better still, book a week and leave him at home!

Grumpy101 · 05/07/2023 22:40

Why doesn't he come back by himself and you stay for a few more days?

I live for holidays so wouldn't put up with him but you have decided to do so so you need to find a compromise that also works for you. At this point he is dictating all the terms.

Original poster
Sereeen · 05/07/2023 22:39

Sorry, bit of drip feed: we went on a 1-week holiday earlier this year already to visit family abroad. He’s freelance so could take days off as he likes, but takes far less time off than I do…2.5 weeks per year approx, I take 4-5 weeks. It’s more the argument about the disturbed sleep than the 3 days that bother me.

OP posts:
sandyhappypeople · 05/07/2023 22:38

What time does he have to get up?

Mrsjayy · 05/07/2023 22:38

3 day abroad isn't really 3 actual days by the time you check in sit about the airport get to your destination half a day has gone then you have the same going home, so it's 1 full day . Bugger that !

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 05/07/2023 22:37

There is so much wrong with this relationship.

He is workaholic and will only take 3 days off at a time
He wont compromise
You cant talk things through without there being an atmosphere
He can't cope with one late night

Never consider having kids with this man

BravoMyDear · 05/07/2023 22:36

HeddaGarbled · 05/07/2023 22:31

Oh, just dump him, and find a boyfriend who actually wants to spend time with you.

This!

Heronwatcher · 05/07/2023 22:35

He sounds dreadful. I mean seriously who can’t take more than 3 days off in this day an age? If he must work then doesn’t he have a blackberry? Even the prime minister takes a couple of weeks.

I agree with the others, just go on your own and tell him he can join you if he wants, or not. Don’t start pandering to this bollocks.

And yes, I’ve done my reasonably important job on far less sleep (kids under 10).

BackupFail · 05/07/2023 22:32

HeddaGarbled · 05/07/2023 22:31

Oh, just dump him, and find a boyfriend who actually wants to spend time with you.

This... it won't get any better

StJulian2023 · 05/07/2023 22:32

Really not worth the hassle to go abroad for such a short trip. Go with someone fun instead.

BiscuitsandPuffin · 05/07/2023 22:32

Screw that. Have a proper holiday. You'll get a cheaper return flight midweek anyway.

BeautifulSloth · 05/07/2023 22:31

Go without him. Have fun on your own or go with friends. You have different priories and they don't seem compatible for an enjoyable holiday togther.