Boyfriend shouting

It will just get worse. Imagine life years down the line - it gets much much more stressful than at 24 lol and having a shouting partner makes everyday life so much harder. I had one and left him after 7 years. It erodes your self esteem slowly but surely, you start walking on egg shells, censoring yourself, worried of making a mistake as it will be YOUR FAULT for making him angry and ruining a special moment.

You've had the talk, he knows it's not acceptable yet he does it anyway. Actions speak louder than words, you are telling him it's ok.

You're experiencing the cycle of abuse. The person he seemed to be at the start of the relationship doesn't exist, it was an act. X

Usually the first year of a relationship is all romantic and lovely, then they start showing their true colours and this is exactly what he is doing. Get out now, before he becomes like your abusive ex.

He is not a lovely man, he is an abuser. His mask has finally slipped and you are seeing him for who he truly is. He will get worse.

Dump the fuck out of him and never look back.

It's already escalating isn't it?
• even though he knows about her abusive Ex, he shouts at her when they argue, even (or maybe also because) she stays calm
• she explains how his actions affect her, he apologies BUT
• shouts again when they're in very close contact inside a car and when she flinches (usually an involuntary act borne from fear)
• he disrespects her by accusing her of faking her reactions and "playing the victim" - despicable behaviour by him.

@Lilly0909 the fact that "he is lovely in all other ways" really isn't enough to save this relationship as you'll frequently be on eggshells, waiting for the next incident. Is that good enough for you? For the rest of your life? When/if you had children with with him?

Thank goodness you're not living together. At the very least get your key back if he has one, and take a good break from him. During that time, maybe get some professional therapy for yourself to get some emotional support. Good luck OP. 🌹

When everyone is in agreement, I think you know what you need to do. Sorry Op, you’ve met a couple of bad eggs in a good bunch. You will find the right one eventually and your past experiences will show just how amazing it is when you do. Take care.

Wave goodbye and run fast.

The fact that after you told him how you felt about it he apologised and then when he shouted again and accused you of fake flinching proves he isn't a nice guy. This won't get better.

I've been married to a shouter and it wasn't just unpleasant- it was abusive. Please get shot of him now before it's too late. And tell him the reason why

He's showing you who he is OP. You e given him a chance and he accused you of faking. Having been in a abusive relationship I know exactly what you are referring too and I think this is more dating than tge shouti g

"He told me I was fake flinching and playing the victim, even though he knows what I have been through with abusive men before."

None of what you've described him doing is ok, but this is particularly bad. He's the fake one here. His mask is slipping. He's really really NOT a kind, caring guy. Please don't stay with him. He's only going to get more abusive. Best of luck OP.

I know the thread has only been up just over an hour, but, have you binned him off yet?

He's showing you who he is. This won't get better, it will probably get worse. Leave now before you are more entwined

He doesn’t sound lovely. I wouldn’t tolerate someone shouting at me for a minute.

Get out and set your sights higher

He's getting comfortable and showing you who he really is. Well done for spotting it.

You don't need to stand for this.

This is it, op. This is the red flag that tells you he is mot a good man. Youll have to walk on egg shells around him.

end it now.

and as this is the second abusive relationship im a row, book in for some counselling.

If this is how reacts as a boyfriend with no shared commitments (eg house and kids) then imagine what he will be like with actual real stress.

No. No. No. end it.

It's really shocking that he accused you of fake flinching. He's refusing to take responsibility and making out that you're the one to blame.

Also, I find it worrying that this only started a couple of months ago when you've been together for 18 months. A lot of abusers hide their true nature at first until you've been sucked in. If he was just a natural shouter then wouldn't he have been doing it from day 1?

Fake flinching?! He’s showing you who he is, OP. Run.

💐 and a hug for you OP. I think you know the answer OP as you've asked if it got better, which is what I imagine you are hoping for. The fact he knows your history and said he won't do it again and then has accused you of fake flinching is a massive red flag. Its like he managed to keep a lid on it to be the 'perfect' man but the cracks are showing. Do not allow yourself to be treated like that again as it sounds like it is happening more often. It csn be incredibly hard to leave a relationship whether you live with someone or not, which I know you don't. Do you have someone you can turn to? Close friend? Parents? Siblings? Grandparents? Does he do this when you are alone? You should be with someone who treats you with respect, love, kindness and compassion, NEVER makes you feel anxious, worried or scared. The decision is yours OP but remember to look after yourself.

Honestly OP my exh would shout and then accuse me of using my body language against him to play the victim.. my completely natural and unconscious response to the vile that would spew out of his mouth.

It never got better, it only got worse. He once drove me to a dental appointment and then shouted at me and drove 40 mins in another direction to keep shouting at me.. because I looked sad when he said we couldn't get the milkshakes we agreed to get before my sedation procedure.

he took something away from me that I might never get back. Completely ruined me.

Get out whilst you can. I really hope you do and you don't go back time and time when you believe his promises of change.

You flinched when he shouted at you in a confined space and he accused you of faking to give himself permission to carry on shouting at you.

This man has no respect for your boundaries and does not give a shit that he is frightening you.

No further discussion is warranted, he will not change and in fact if you stay with him he will likely get worse.

End it now before he manages to convince you it's all your fault.

I had one. Did it get better? No. It got worse..and worse..until I went from a bubbly, happy person to a shadow of my former self. Got divorces earlier this year.

He know how difficult this is for you. He does it anyway 🚩 . Not talking for days? 🚩 Accusing you of ‘fake flinching?’ Worrying.

I’d suggest doing the Freedom programme online. It only cost about £15. Might be enlightening. I found Why does he do that? a difficult read but helpful.

The nice guy part is an act. The aggressive, shouty, in your face guy is his true self. He’s showing you who he really is. Listen!

Please leave OP. It won't get better, you will just be pulled further into a trauma bond.

Go and live your life, do significant amounts of work on yourself to ensure you’ll never date another piece of trash. Self esteem courses, raising your self worth, zero tolerance on any future boyfriend choosing to behave like scum. At 24 your entire life lies out before you. No reason to not immediately dump this loser.