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AIBU?

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Original poster

Cancel a date

30 replies

Honeybu · 04/07/2023 22:47

Chatting with a guy online for a week now we plan to meet this weekend coming so I said would like to talk on phone before going on date. He reply ok “ I can call you here” this is on bumble which you can make calls. But was thinking he would give me his numbers instead. I feel if he can’t be bothered to share number why should I waste hours of my time to meet. What do you think? I want to give excuse and cancel date

OP posts:
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speluncean · 08/07/2023 19:27

Result!

Original poster
Honeybu · 07/07/2023 13:54

just came back from the date it was really nice, conversation was great, and he gave me his number lol and we both agreed would like to see each other again 😊. He’s really lovely.

OP posts:
BattleofBeamfleot · 07/07/2023 08:08

Wait, you're upset he won't give you his phone number and you haven't given your NAME?

You're both being sensible to take precautions. And it is sensible to meet early instead of building up too much on the phone or text - there's no point wasting time if you don't get on well in person.

You don't sound too interested yourself- you want to meet during a work day when you'll have other things on your mind and your time will be pressured? That's not really giving it a fair shot. Sounds like you've already decided you're not into him.

Original poster
Honeybu · 07/07/2023 07:51

@SamW98 I’m just mirroring his energy reason just using my lunch when I could’ve hardly done much interesting apart from eat. Just going but have little expectations and the place is close so not costing me much effort

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jc12689 · 07/07/2023 07:43

Sounds like you're not keen / unenthusiastic now so I'd just bin it off . I do think keeping your number back until you feel like you want to see each other after the first date is sensible though.

SamW98 · 07/07/2023 07:42

I personally wouldn’t meet someone without a phone chat first.
And an afternoon date in your lunch hour hardly sounds like you’re particularly enthusiastic anyway.

Original poster
Honeybu · 07/07/2023 07:32

We meeting today in the afternoon. I haven’t used my name on Bubble, should I message him my name before we meet or wait till we meet? My name is unique and he can find me on work teams straight away.

OP posts:
Parvolax · 06/07/2023 23:40

I wouldn’t expect much effort at this stage, you haven’t even met. OLD is a numbers game

Original poster
Honeybu · 06/07/2023 23:17

Yea new to OLD is this how the guy are can’t make no effort. I have said we can meet during my lunch hour so no extra time of mine wasted too. I’m not excited at all 😂 he seem nice on profile but lack of effort

OP posts:
Parvolax · 06/07/2023 23:17

I don’t give out my number unless I want a second date. I manage fine just messaging on bumble that I’m here etc so I think you are over reacting. What do you mean waste hours? How long you planning on being out for a first date? I usually meet for about 45 minutes if I’m enjoying it for a coffee and then go home and assess before committing to a second date

PizzaPastaWine · 06/07/2023 23:12

This all sounds very normal OP. Are you new to OLD?

DojaPhat · 06/07/2023 23:11

Each to their own and it's good you're making your expectations and boundaries clear to him but in his position I'd wish you well on your search then bid you goodbye.

JMSA · 06/07/2023 23:11

The only guy who wouldn't give me his number turned out to be married.

arethereanyleftatall · 06/07/2023 23:03

The opposite is true op. Too much interest before you've even met is the red flag. Too desperate/love bombing/I-wanna-be-in-love-and-I'll-make-it-all-up-in-my-head

Original poster
Honeybu · 06/07/2023 22:59

An update he message n bumble saying we meet tomorrow but I still haven’t talk on the voice yet. He want us to decide where to meet it all very little effort as he’s just not interested

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Lampan · 06/07/2023 10:36

I’d see how the conversation went and meet him if I got a good vibe. Not sharing a number is sensible. I doubt he’s worried about your DBS status, but in the past I’ve made the mistake of sharing my number with someone who turns out to be overly keen and persistent (not that meeting someone rules this out. But at least you get a much better idea of them when you have met them)

Expo23 · 04/07/2023 23:40

When I did online I used the app for contact then if the first date had legs I'd swap numbers for the second or third.

Original poster
Honeybu · 04/07/2023 23:39

I forgot to add we work in same company found out whilst chatting online, and we both confirmed m we work for the same company. So if he was to worry about anything I’m at least DBS Cleared. The company is big so not same building miles away.

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Honey83 · 04/07/2023 23:38

In my experience, people have shared numbers to WhatsApp call or message even before a date. I've never had someone call via Bumble. So this might raise a flag to me. But it depends on how it was said. Also he may have given his number out before dates previously and nothing came of it.

speluncean · 04/07/2023 23:34

I wouldn't share my number either.

KajsaKavat · 04/07/2023 23:33

It’s better to Ieave swapping numbers until after the first date for lots of reasons.

Original poster
Honeybu · 04/07/2023 23:29

@Lampan if speak to him on bumble and still doesn’t share his number. What do you suggest I do?

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Original poster
Honeybu · 04/07/2023 23:27

Wouldn’t it be nightmare for me/ he get to the place and have no connection to contact via bumble and let the other know you arrive and where you’re sitting.obviously we have seen each other’s photos but not the same.

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Lampan · 04/07/2023 23:20

I would speak to him on Bumble, then reassess if he still won’t share his number before the date

Lampan · 04/07/2023 23:19

I don’t share my number until I know someone isn’t a complete weirdo. So I think he’s being sensible.