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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School being unreasonable?

95 replies

SoccerMum1 · 03/07/2023 23:28

Hey all,

Is DS14's school being unreasonable here? Both me and DS think so and I don't have a problem with it really

DS14's been given a lunch time detention tomorrow for not having the right socks on!! He's worn trainer socks (as he says it's summer and too warm for regular ones) instead of normal ankle socks.

Is the school being too harsh here?

YANBU - school is not being too harsh
YABU - School is being too harsh

OP posts:
BluNomad · 10/07/2023 19:10

Callyem · 10/07/2023 19:09

This is EXACTLY why you should be supporting strikes. Your child is not being taught by a teacher because of teacher shortage and budget constraints.

Show quote history

I will never support teachers, I work for NHS & they have zero thought for us

Callyem · 10/07/2023 19:09

BluNomad · 10/07/2023 16:43

I can only speak from my personal experience with the school my dc attends; to force parents to take unpaid days off work given the col currently & the frankly substandard level of basic education (my dc’s teacher is only in class 2 days out of 5 & covered by various other teaching assistants on 3 mostly sen) I don’t think they are in a position to expect support from parents. Anyway I don’t want to hijack this thread with all the problems I’ve had but there are multiple issues I’ve had with conduct of teachers, closing ranks, blatant lies & parent blaming for their own failings

Show quote history

This is EXACTLY why you should be supporting strikes. Your child is not being taught by a teacher because of teacher shortage and budget constraints.

GwinCoch · 10/07/2023 19:08

People choose their own hills to die on and they come with consequences. Your son can make the choice and pay the price, nothing confusing about that.

I’ve got a job interview on Wednesday, I’m going to cover up my visible tattoos. Do they impact my ability to do a job? No. But do I live in the real world where people make judgements about tattoos? Yes. So I’ll cover them up. Big whoop.

caringcarer · 10/07/2023 19:08

Let him lose all his lunch times. He'll soon learn to stick to the rules.

BluNomad · 10/07/2023 19:07

JazbayGrapes · 10/07/2023 19:05

I think you need to get a sense of perspective. Ensuring DC are in smart uniform is hardly “absolutely disgusting”.

In current weather - it is disgusting. The rest of the year - just ridiculous. If there need to be uniforms, why can't they be comfortable, practical, and weather appropriate?

Perfectly put

JazbayGrapes · 10/07/2023 19:05

I think you need to get a sense of perspective. Ensuring DC are in smart uniform is hardly “absolutely disgusting”.

In current weather - it is disgusting. The rest of the year - just ridiculous. If there need to be uniforms, why can't they be comfortable, practical, and weather appropriate?

BluNomad · 10/07/2023 19:05

SummerDuck · 10/07/2023 19:03

@BluNomad

I think you need to get a sense of perspective. Ensuring DC are in smart uniform is hardly “absolutely disgusting”.

Missing the point

YeahIsaidit · 10/07/2023 19:05

HurricanesHardlyEverHappen · 10/07/2023 12:40

Should I let it slide, or contact the school and see if they're gonna give him a detention or see what he says.. really confused

But it's not your decision. You don't care what he wears on his feet, clearly, so you have nothing to 'let slide'.

The school will either give him a detention or they won't. Then he will either do it again or he won't. Life will go on.

Different people have different interest and life goals. My sixteen year old is trying to shave a tenth of a second of her hurdles PB so she can get into the commonwealth games. Your son is very interested in socks.

This is the weirdest humblebrag put down I've ever seen

SummerDuck · 10/07/2023 19:03

@BluNomad

I think you need to get a sense of perspective. Ensuring DC are in smart uniform is hardly “absolutely disgusting”.

BluNomad · 10/07/2023 19:02

Soontobe60 · 10/07/2023 17:49

Do you honestly believe that black short socks will increase ones body temperature noticeably more than trainer socks?

Show quote history

Forcing children (or anyone) to wear ties, blazers, long sleeved shirts is absolutely disgusting. In no place I have ever worked have we been forced to wear clothing that makes us uncomfortable, rules are there to prevent autonomy & schools should not be allowed to challenge that

JazbayGrapes · 10/07/2023 18:47

Kids beefing about socks aren’t throwing chairs and setting fires to things, at the extreme.

One of dumbest things i've read. Antagonize kids over something as ridiculous as socks and they will throw a chair at you someday.

Pottedpalm · 10/07/2023 18:47

This reply has been deleted

This user is a troll so we have deleted their posts and threads.

‘Screamed in her face..’. Yeah right.
I hope your sister was convicted of assault.

LadyBirdsLoveEm · 10/07/2023 18:41

Plain black ankle socks versus plain black trainer socks for him a lunchtime detention?!

Do the rules actually stipulate what length of black sock they should wear?!

EsmeSusanOgg · 10/07/2023 18:38

JazbayGrapes · 10/07/2023 12:39

"Yeah but they need to make an exception because I decided I am more important than following the rules so I can do what I like" is basically what you are saying

It's hot. and its socks. This is how young people lose respect for authority figures.

Schools who want to be strict with uniforms really need to have common sense exemptions/ relaxed options for very hot weather or very cold weather. Those expectations can be built into the school rules.

If people then take the mickey when there are sensible options that allow for weather changes - punish them - but it seems ridiculous to expect children to be hot and uncomfortable (not a good learning environment) when staff and adults would not be expected to follow such rigid rules.

Punishment for breaking rules that make no sense does not enforce discipline. It is counter-productive.

Topseyt123 · 10/07/2023 18:25

Those are the rules, so he'll have to do the detention. If I were you I'd stay out of it except to remind him that he makes his own decisions there and accepts the consequences.

I'm not saying that the rules are not absurd, they absolutely can be. There is a lot of batshittery around school uniform and I would like to see it dropped in favour of much more relaxed and sensible dress codes.

Forcing kids to wear blazers and jumpers on hot days is frequently complained about on here, and rightly so.

Socks is something I personally couldn't get too worked up over, but his school obviously disagree, so ....

YeCannaeChangeTheLawsOfPhysics · 10/07/2023 18:11

@7eleven

True but some rules are absurd.

YeCannaeChangeTheLawsOfPhysics · 10/07/2023 18:10

@SummerDuck that's awful.

Glad our school doesn't go in for any of that.

LakieLady · 10/07/2023 18:03

I don't think the detention's too harsh. Your DS knew what he was doing and chose to do it anyway, so let him face the consequences.

Schools' pettifogging obsession with the minutiae of uniform is absurd though, imo. Plenty of countries manage to educate children perfectly effectively without having school uniforms at all.

Caravanvirgin · 10/07/2023 17:52

BluNomad · 10/07/2023 16:43

I can only speak from my personal experience with the school my dc attends; to force parents to take unpaid days off work given the col currently & the frankly substandard level of basic education (my dc’s teacher is only in class 2 days out of 5 & covered by various other teaching assistants on 3 mostly sen) I don’t think they are in a position to expect support from parents. Anyway I don’t want to hijack this thread with all the problems I’ve had but there are multiple issues I’ve had with conduct of teachers, closing ranks, blatant lies & parent blaming for their own failings

Show quote history

I’m sorry to hear that your son isn’t been taught full time by teacher. This is a symptom of the issues in the education system.

Soontobe60 · 10/07/2023 17:49

JazbayGrapes · 10/07/2023 12:39

"Yeah but they need to make an exception because I decided I am more important than following the rules so I can do what I like" is basically what you are saying

It's hot. and its socks. This is how young people lose respect for authority figures.

Do you honestly believe that black short socks will increase ones body temperature noticeably more than trainer socks?

Jellycatspyjamas · 10/07/2023 17:39

You need to support the school and I’d be putting in an additional punishment at home too like removing devices.

The punishment is the detention, why then punish him again at home. It’s a bit overkill for the sake of a pair of socks, let the school discipline him for his infraction of their (ridiculous) rule.

Given how stretched school staff seem to be, having someone check every child’s uniform (1,000 kids plus) for the right socks seems a bit disproportionate but if that’s how they chose to spend their time, your son will need to do the detention.

Irequireausername · 10/07/2023 17:36

SummerDuck · 10/07/2023 17:35

@Irequireausername

As a parent, I would absolutely expect DC who refuse to follow rules to be placed in detention.

As a parent, and?

Ineedsleepandcoffee · 10/07/2023 17:35

Depends what the rules say. If they are clear and he deliberately went against them then of course he should get detention. If the rules don't mention socks but a teacher has taken exception to them then a detention would be unreasonable.

SummerDuck · 10/07/2023 17:35

@Irequireausername

As a parent, I would absolutely expect DC who refuse to follow rules to be placed in detention.

Irequireausername · 10/07/2023 17:33

It's absolutely not detention worthy. It really lessens the point of actually following rules.