Holiday on my due date

Isn't paternity leave so the dad can help? I'm sure you can manage for a maximum of a week. What difference does it make?
You chose to have the baby, not your mum.
Does your first child go to nursery? Keep him in that routine if so.

What about your DH parents helping?

Did you explicitly ask her to help with DC1? This reads like you were fishing for an offer by talking about being worried but never asked and are disappointed no offer was made?

Does she usually get your hints? I sense this is not the first time you’ve hinted or fished for offers and been let down, but could be mistaken. Perhaps the fishing and hinting isn’t working well as a way to communicate with her. Being blunt and honest might work better.

What’s your Mum and her partner’s circumstances? If your mum works maybe he does too and this worked out as the best week they could get off together.

TBH it sounds like you have shit family and friends then, people who care about you would come round and help you out. Mine came and made food, drinks, helped clear up and were generally all amazing.

In RL I have never heard of people not wanting their family around after having babies, the 1st I heard of such a thing was on MN!

I would be really hurt if my mum did this knowing my due date, she was so upset when she had a holiday near to DS2s due date (she'd already booked it) luckily (kind of) I had an elective c-sec so she ended up being around. She was there at the hospital along with MIL and they both came round every day for the next couple of weeks. A friend of mine had her baby same day as mine and her mum and MIL were also in the waiting room with mine. The older siblings were there waiting also.

I can totally understand why you feel like you do OP.

There is plenty to discuss! When would you like her to visit you and the new baby? What help might you want or need? And when?

You say “parents job in helping their child” like we are handed a big instruction manual that tells us do this and do that with set things like “meet new grandchild no later than 4hrs after birth” “visit home no later than the following day”. There isn’t as you know because we are all different.

And when your children are adults, it is even more important to communicate and discuss with them what they want instead of assuming you are wanted and imposing yourself. You really need to take responsibility for your own needs here.

Have you seen how many threads there are of women complaining about their mother coming to help before, during and after the birth of their DC?

The only commonality between you and these women is you all aren’t discussing what you want/need with your mothers (or other relatives). You’re expecting them to just “know” what you want and somehow knowing without being told is proof of love or interest. That’s an unfair expectation to have of anyone.

Makes a change to read a post where the GP is actually wanted post-birth rather than shoved away and told to wait for 2 weeks/months/whatever, as we usually end up reading on MN.

You sound a charmer

If you had those conversations you should have been clearer if you needed her help.

Yeah but you might be in for days

FULFIL A PARENTS JOB?! Jesus. So entitled 😂

I think it’s a bit sad and isn’t something I would do.

We’re going to be grandparents for the first time just after Christmas. DDIL has said that we’re very welcome to come to see the baby as soon as it’s born. DH often goes away with work, but he’s keeping the two weeks either side of her due date free, so he can take annual leave at the drop of a hat and we can go to visit and offer any help and support they may need.

YANBU! We kept the diary pretty clear for two weeks either side of due dates when each of our DGC were due, just in case any help was needed. I can't imagine why your DM would book a holiday.

See there’s nothing wrong with this. Normal in many cultures and probably for British people a couple of generations ago. Personally, having my mother in and out my house for 3 weeks would absolutely end in me or DD killing her it would literally be my worst nightmare 😂( not that she’d bother anyway). But if you’re lucky enough to have a nice mum then enjoy the help. I think it’s unusual these days though for granny’s to be so hands on and not so common due to cultural shifts and the fact that most people are working until quite late in life and then understandably try to squeeze as much ‘me time’ out of their short retirements as possible. Same with childcare, most grandparents just don’t now. So I’d say your setup is less common.

How sad

Yes you’ve repeated that absolutely correctly.

No she doesn’t work, retired

Miserable? No. Independent and with boundaries? yes. Lots of us prefer to keep them at arms length. It’s nice to have your home to yourself and feel at ease. Neither mine or DH parents are particularly fun to be around, we tolerate them as necessary for Xmas and stuff but they’ve never babysat or been on holidays together or anything and we definitely aren’t close enough to want them around if we are unwell or the house is a tip or we have just had a baby. We like our peace and we’re a fantastic team so we don’t need them either.

I would be hurt by this, but my mother would never do it and I couldn’t imagine doing it either. I assume you don’t have a close relationship?

Why? If one of my DD's was going in for surgery, then I'd want to be around, that's without throwing a new GC into the mix. I'd want to help the whole family moving from one child to two.

I think you're being dramatic

Try and see the positives.. Now you know her priorities aren't you +dc she doesn't need to be in your top list either.. Not petty but she deserves the same consideration moving forward....
Nil..

Why do you think it’s an either or?

Gosh so many miserable Mary’s on here

You asked your mum to do nothing for 3 weeks so she could help you out? That's wild. Does she not work? 3 weeks is 75% of some people's annual leave allowance!!