Did I do something wrong?

All of you, who I actually agree with in saying op was weird in framing poem and giving it back, but then saying do not go talk to her about it. This may be a difference culturally as I’m from the USA so less reserved and more inclined to talk things through and resolve conflict. If someone offended me, a close relative or friend, then I would welcome that person explaining to me their intent and I could explain how I felt and then we could reconcile. And therefore in a time of grief, there wouldn’t be the added burden of having bad feelings toward someone. It’s not about going round and ‘discussing my gift’ as much as reconciling with a grieving loved one so that the incident is not another thing to bother them. And she could use your shoulder to cry on and now she can’t because of this bad feeling between you.

I’ve had this somewhat similar thing happen to me, it was very offensive actually, and the person didn’t bother to talk to me about it and it’s changed our relationship for the worse.
So that is my thinking on clearing up this misunderstanding, because it means you can continue to be there for her while she is grieving and this weird thing that happened wouldn’t be another thing bothering her.

You don’t ‘print and frame’ someone else’s grief.

It’s not a ‘lovely gesture’. It’s actually horrid.

See, if my friend died, I wouldn't want meals etc because it's the practical daily tasks that keep me going in the midst of grief. If it was a relative and I had all the admin to deal with on top of the grief, meals might be useful.

The comparisons on here between a family breakdown and a best friend dying are horrible and ghoulish. I don’t understand the point of it. This isn’t the grief Olympics.

As others have said, you were well intentioned but clearly your friend wasn’t in a mental place to be able to accept the gift. Your friend dealt with it in a mature and polite way. I’m sure you’ll both come out the other side of both of your current situations stronger and still friends.

@Snowdrop89 I'm so sorry, you must be devastated and of course you're grieving as well. A husband is the person you share your life with and losing them even to relationship breakdown just throws a grenade into your whole life and completely altered what you thought was a shared future. Sending you hugs x

I agree with this. I would find it strange. She wanted to show you the picture and the poem she wrote because you are such a close friend. I really don’t understand why would you frame them and send them to her.

OP you did not do anything wrong please do not overthink it and be kind to yourself. You are absolutely going through grief as well

OP I was told by a friend that when their grandma died, their mum much preferred more practical gifts as getting flowers, photos, etc. just made the grief reappear.

you had good intentions, I don’t think your friend will fall out with you they just need space and time to grieve. Sorry to hear about your husband and you 💖

Totally agree.

Next time just make a cake or send some ready meals. Something practical

Seriously- this is a bloody terrible idea.

Yes of course they can that's why I wouldn't do it. I print them for my relatives.

So would I. I love my friends but DH is my life partner and my children's dad. That would affect me far more.

But if you send it to someone they are now also in possession of the photo and are free to do what they want with it. If you don’t want them to do anything with it, don’t send it or upload it. It’s not weird for a grandma to want pictures of their grandchild in their house, don’t be so ridiculous

Oh dear me no! Just leave her alone OP please don't go round there to discuss your gift!

I'd find that odd too. I think it's because I have the photo in my possession and I've sent it to them how I've chosen. If I'd wanted it framed or turned into a momentous I would have arranged it.

I also think it’s weird that you are stubbornly refusing to see it from her perspective, and I think it’s weird that you don’t simply go to her house, or call her and say, I did not mean to offend you by framing your poem and sending it to you. I felt like I was honoring your beautiful poem. Apparently it struck you as offensive or weird. Please tell me what was wrong so I can understand and not do it again.

People have literally just scolded her for "making it about her", I wouldnt go round to a grieving persons house and ask why they didnt like my gift either, thats incredibly inappropriate. I would just apologise and then leave it to discuss at a more appropriate time.

And please don’t try and compare your ‘grieving’ your DH moving out to her grief at her friend’s death.

What an awful thing to say. I'd personally find my DH leaving me much harder than a friend dying.

It was a very thoughtful gesture. As someone who has gone through a great deal of loss, I personally appreciate it when people make any kind of effort to show they really do care, rather than just empty words and open-ended offers of "I'm here if you need to talk, let me know what I can do etc". What you did took time, effort and thought. You're a good friend.

There’s no right or wrong answer. I would have been really touched by your gift but your friend wasn’t. You did a kind thing from a kind place, but grief does strange things to people and they might not always react in the way you’d hope

It's hard to know how someone is going to react when they're grieving, and it's hard for you to even know how you will react when you're craving. Even if I had been upset by it I wouldn't have said anything that's just me. But she did acknowledge that you had good intentions with sending the gift. I would just maybe say, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to cause any offense" and leave it at that.

Like I said, I’m not saying I think you were trying to be mean or weird, just giving you a possible perspective of your friend who is obviously offended. She’s offended for a reason, whether the reason is right or not, I don’t know.

Why didn’t you tell us the context from the beginning? That is kind of a drip feed. You basically came on here and said you did all the things I said you should have done. I mean you went down my list and repeated them here. Well, we don’t really know that is true because you waited until you read my post to then claim you’d done it. Maybe you did, maybe you didn’t.

I think you may have had good intentions but what you did was weird. I also think it’s weird that you are stubbornly refusing to see it from her perspective, and I think it’s weird that you don’t simply go to her house, or call her and say, I did not mean to offend you by framing your poem and sending it to you. I felt like I was honoring your beautiful poem. Apparently it struck you as offensive or weird. Please tell me what was wrong so I can understand and not do it again.’

Instead, you text, sorry I offended you. Just very plain. No curiosity on your part to find out why she was offended or to make yourself clear to her. If you’re so close that she sent you that poem, then you should be able to talk it through and reconcile.