Son been split from best friend at school.

DDs friend has destroyed personal items belonging to DD and has calles her names (according to DD). Everyone percieves them as besties so DD thinks this is her best mate and is getting a skewed idea of what friendship should be.

This happened to my son at the end of Y1, and it was a bit shit because realistically it does affect the friendship. The line is "They can see each other at lunch and in the yard", but of course they are matched to lunch in their separate classes, and then if they ditch their new friends the minute they hit the yard that won't help establish new friendships. Anyway they both made new friends, and are now probably about to be split apart from them this summer...I wouldn't mind if it was truly random but some friendships seem to be protected more than others.

I can see it needs to be done to balance out the three classes, and also to split up problem groups, but I can't say it has been amazing for DS. Not the end of the world though.

Ignore all the idiots making out like there's a problem with you having empathy for your DS.

Some people on this site just like to argue.

Of course it's natural that our DS wants to be with his friend, and it's a shame he's not.

Have you asked if it's possible to change classes? It can't hurt to ask.

I got DD's class changed.

Now I’ve had a few years experience of friends being separated for the new school year this doesn’t concern me like it used to do when my youngest started school. I may be naive, but now genuinely believe that teachers do have good reason for mixing up the classes.
This coming school year I’ve got one moving from the 2 class nursery into the 2 class reception and there have been a lot of changes in the way classes have been arranged. Several of the little friendship groups have been split up.
At the talk for parents the head teacher made it absolutely clear that the teaching staff had given a huge amount of thought to the way the two classes had been organised and asked that as parents we respected their judgement. She put it very nicely but made absolutely clear that any request to change would not be entertained!

My DD was separated from her best friend Y2 to Y3. It was such a shame as it was a great friendship for both of them. They weren't in the same class again until...Y7, when they went to save secondary school! They stayed good friends throughout primary, and are now very much best friends again in a lovely group. In Y9 now, and it's actually my dream friend group for her, couldn't ask for better.

I would have really upset if this had happened to any of my children at this stage or even later on during primary school and would probably say something despite this being something I almost never do at school. Friends have always made school for my children and I have placed this far above academic progress and for me unless there is a behaviour issues I don’t see why they should be separated and would not accept them being easy to slot in as an excuse as that makes being well behaved etc almost a negative! I know my children and for them being separated would be a negative thing and I don’t think they need to become resilient in preparation for life, they should just be happy at school. They love their school friends at school, we enjoy school social things together with them all and things outside of school and it all comes together as they are friends from their class.

I know that’s different to most responses here but hey! 😆

I do not believe that schools always get this right. Children do not learn resilience by being put in difficult situations and they do not learn to make friends by having their friendships disrupted. They learn confidence from attachment and security.

When my daughter was in reception she made lovely friends with ELEVEN children.

In year one she was put in the opposite class to ALL of them.

I was really upset for her, but do you know what? She was FINE. She carried on playing with some of the old friends, a few fell by the wayside and she made new ones (one of the “new” ones is still her bestie a decade later).

I totally get your concerns but this will be ok. Take it from an old mum that’s been there.

I would speak to the school and see what they have to say and if there is very valid logic behind the decision.

If it involves another child, they won't be able to say.

^^^A bit rough !. Not sure where the 5 came from

This is why we chose a single form intake. I struggled in primary to make friends and then every year i was separated from those friends. Felt like I was starting again every year. Hated school as a result.

Oh, I've been there many times, and I remember the angst well. 1 of my kids seemed to draw the short straw every term and be in a different class to all his friends. 1st week or so in September was always a bit 5 they soon settle and make new friends while still meeting up with their 'group ' at break. He'll be OK Op

I've actually asked for my DD and 'best friend' to be separated. DD, her friend and friends parents have no idea I've asked for this, but I think it's the right thing fof DD. I wouldn't have asked at reception age but as they get older sometimes it's for the best.

My son was split from his best friend for p1 but they have been together since then (now p5) they just used to wait for each other at lunch and break time. They don't get to sit together in class anyway probably because they do chat a lot. They probably were over reliant on each other but they have other friends as well. I was a bit miffed at first but I think it did them good. Don't worry, I think it will be fine

Our primary school (3 form entry) didn't shuffle DD's year at any point, and I think they should have done. The classes were not academically balanced, and there were various friendship issues that could have been solved by a careful shuffle at some point. DD was actually part of a friendship group that spanned all three classes - it's not that I think they should all have been together, but one in particular was quite isolated in her class, having joined the school late and not managed to break into the friendship groups in that class.

YANBU
I would speak to the school and see what they have to say and if there is very valid logic behind the decision.

There might not be and it could be an oversight on their part.

In which case I would ask them to rectify it.

I don't see why it's wrong for the OP to be upset about them being separated, but it's ok for other parents to request that certain kids are separated? Either it's left to the teacher's discretion or it isn't.

Unless there is bullying or disruptive behaviour, parents should leave the decisions to teachers who should use their professionalism and discretion to make the right choices/get the right balance. They can't please everyone but leaving one child out of a group, for example, really isn't ideal. And while some parents have valid reasons for wanting their DCs kept away from certain kids, sometimes their intentions aren't always honourable and they don't want their kid being tainted by association with what they see as the "weird kid" or one from the "wrong sort of background".

My son's school has done this.
My son has had a small group of friends for 5 years, for 5 years they've been together
And now my son is the only one to be in a different class.
He is understandably nervous about going to school after the summer.. I think I'll have a school refuser on my hands

When its your first child, these things are very new.

Remember children often take their lead from you, so be very positive.

They will see each other at break times and maybe at the park or play dates.

They will make new friends.

Similarly with not being invited to everything.

We can be sympathetic but cheerful.

It really helps them to be positive about change.

Well done for posting.

I never said it was, the thing is they used to make sure they were in the same form as one of their friends but they don't bother anymore and they all just have to get on with it and make new friends

The fact that he never spoke to those children is hardly a fact the secondary school would be aware of to be fair.

Our school mix every year. We often separate ‘best friends’, when their friendship causes daily problems. Unfortunately, best friends frequently fall out and that’s when it makes everyone’s life more difficult.

We always make sure they are with another friend.

The fact is you have no control over it. Teacher might decide this fit all sorts of reasons. Rarely will they change it.