DS proposing at 18

Do not do anything or say anything. They are adults and it is encouraging they still plan to be apart. If it does not work out, then that will be it. There are lots of posts on here saying how well things worked out and lots of my friends from uni got together and have lasted the test of time. I met someone I adored but could not shake the feeling I needed to live more first. It worked out in the end but actually we would have been great together. The worst thing you can do is interfere

I got engaged at 18 and then married at 21. I'd advise quiet support and not making it a big deal - you don't want to make it too hard to back out and lose face if he needs to.

I agrée Uni Will likely change everything. But don't say that to him or her!

Leave him to it. Marriage is just a bit of paper and engagement is just a promise a promise that can easily be broken just like a marriage certificate.
he’s an adult now and can do whatever he feels is right for him. Your job now is to watch on the sidelines and keep your fingers crossed.
I’ve been with my husband since we were 14 years old. 21 years and still together.
lot of people we know have been together since their teens. Stop trying to control him.

Well, I’d be horrified!

I think it's sweet. Young love is fab. So much promise.

I would encourage them to live separately in halls for the first year & try to enjoy Uni life, make friend, learn to share a room/halls etc.

then look at house share for second year.

it's so easy to be 'loved up' & miss out on the fun & lessons of Uni life. The freedom to to not have to be beholden to anyone, of course they can still be together & be faithful if that's what they both want, but to be able to come & go with total freedom, they should each experience a year if that first IMO though at their age I wouldn't have appreciated that freedom either & wanted to live with my bf!!

Agree - absolutely no way would I pay for joint accommodation so that they could play house.

Perhaps it will all work out and they’ll defy the odds but it sounds terribly suffocating. It’s a concern that they don’t have their own friends.

Your son is only 18. Tell him straight out that he is to young to be getting engaged.
Tell him at 18 he should be looking forward to going to college, meeting now people and enjoying university life without being engaged.

Ask him is he worried about him and her splitting up unless they get engaged? Is she pushing him for an engagement? Tell him if she is doing this she might be planning to get pregnant soon. Ask him does he want to drop out of college because she is pregnant?
Tell him straight out that if she gets pregnant your not going to bring up or pay for that child.

Ask your son does he want to be in college, making new friends, enjoying life and making plans for after college?
Does he want to do a masters? Would he like to travel after college? Tell him he won't be able to do this if he has to fund the big wedding.

Tell him if it's so important that they get engaged that you will ring her parents and you will all have to meet up to chat about the wedding as it obvious he is not going to college if he is he is getting engaged at 18.
You need to see how many people they want to invite to this wedding and you want to ask them about paying for it.
Then he can look for a job because if they are getting married they both need to get jobs to save for a wedding and a house because your not paying for any of this.

My feeling is that her parents might not want this either.

In your son's case if he does not listen to reason I would tell him since he is an adult he can fund college from his own earnings and savings.

Yes, he won't want to hear this but at 18 he is to young to be getting engaged.
If they are going to different colleges they can still see each other if time and finances allow but it better if they live independently over the next few years.
They both have a lot of growing up to do as people.
I know lads of his age and they are just either starting or in the 2 Nd year of college, they just left home and are finding their way as adults trying to do a lot on a small amount of money.
I would not like to see them engaged at that age because their not mature enough to make a decision like that.

You know they did studies and those who stay married REALLY happy is people who meet and get married young. Like high school sweethearts.

not that other groups don’t but there’s like an incredibly high percentage

My DD is also 18 and has been with her first and one and only boyfriend coming up for 3 years in the Autumn. I too think it is much better to find oneself rather than be in a committed relationship, especially with someone from 15/16. I feel it can hinder development as you are kind of stuck as the person you were at 16 if you see what I mean.

DH proposed to me when he was 19 and we'd known each other for five days. I said yes and we've been married for over 20 years. Just to illustrate that it can work!

Your DS sounds lovely OP!

We got together when I was 21 and DH 18. Didn't get married until I was 40. I had been with my bf before for 2.5 years when I met him so not single since 18. He sounds sensible

If they live together in a house share, they will not be joint tenants, but have own tenancy agreements.

If they each have their own room in a houseshare, yes.

If OTOH they rent a double room, or a studio flat, it's not so simple. If one wants to move out, the one remaining can't just find a new flatmate to move in and share the bills.

DH and I have been together since we were 17, married at 21 and have just celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary.

DS2 was 18 when he proposed to his girlfriend. He went to uni within easy travelling distance of her home and they married at the end of his first year in uni - they celebrate their 5th anniversary in a few weeks.

Youngest DD got engaged 2 years ago when she was 19 and they married last week age 21.

I'm in my 50s and of all the people I know I can think of only 3 couples that have been together since they were 18. I can think of far more couples that got engaged and married young who ended up divorced. Most teenage relationships do not result in happy marriages.

I'd be insisting they had separate accommodation (and since I'd be paying for it what I say goes) and be quite blunt about that being because most relationships don't survive Uni and so it's good to have the option of space even if you're constantly together. Sell it as 'if you love her you'll let her be free'. I did a PhD and even as post graduates in our mid 20s we ALL split up with our boyfriends and girlfriends from our previous Uni and reshuffled and then got together with someone from our new Uni.

Completely off topic but did he already buy a ring? Just me being nosy 🙈

They are very young. I thought I’d marry my boyfriend when I was 18. He got me a pretty ring but it was more like a promise ring- far from an engagement. Then we went to uni and I discovered a whole new world. It’ll be interesting to see how her parents react. No doubt you’ll be getting a call from them.

Smile and support and nod.

Just like my Mum did when I got engaged at 16. I was single and unmarried by 18.

Only panic if they actually start planning a real wedding!

I'm sorry, it seems like it's not a rush to marry but more a show of commitment, which I think is OK. They're 18, young yes but still adults. If they wish to commit to each other and all is good in the relationship, try not to worry. If this was an intention to marry her within a year, for example, my opinion would be different.
My close friends got engaged in their first year of uni, both 18, had been together 3 years at that point. They married at 27. It was a wonderful day, thanks to saving for 9 years! They'd always planned to marry but explained from the start that it was a long engagement.

I agree.

An 18 year old proposing isn’t doing it for the right reasons.

I’m guessing they’ve either not had sex yet and this is a good way to persuade her or he’s insecure about her meeting new people now she’s moving on in the world and going to a different uni.

What are you worried about? It does seem young but I got together with my husband when we were both 15. He didn't propose until we were 26!! But we were always going to get married. They can always change their minds - a proposal isn't the same commitment as a marriage.

I got engaged on my 18th. It fell apart when I was 19 and my fiancee went to Uni and he played around with a housemate. I finished it because he wasn't honest, but it cut deep (still remember what it was like and I'm in my 50s now!). We were well suited but lifestyle changes at that age was the killer. I know quite a few friends still married having let at school but they never went away to Uni.

So, support him, but expect problems if they have a lot of changes ahead and be ready to catch him if it fails later on. To be honest, engagements aren't an issue - they are easily reversible.

Exactly. It’s a terrible, terrible idea, and I say that as someone who met my now-husband in my second year at university. But we both went our own way for years, lived in different countries pursuing our own stuff, and didn’t get married (without ever being engaged) till we were in our 30s.

Tying someone down at the exact point when they should be flying free, as a teenager is a bad notion. For both of them.

Have you tried to secure student accommodation in a major university city in the last 2-3 years? In July-August it is difficult. In February-March it is near impossible. If either of their universities guarantee accommodation for first years and they plan to forego this to live together then they are mad. First years rarely live in house shares.

I know a couple that got together at 14 and 15, lived together whilst at uni, got engaged while at uni and are now married with children in their late twenties.

Most people said it wouldn’t last for them and that they were stupid for choosing to get a flat together at uni rather than halls but it’s proof that sometimes it does work.

Your son sounds sensible and I’d much rather have a son in a stable, committed relationship at uni rather than having loads of partners. If it doesn’t work out it’s not like they’re getting married in the immediate future. I’d be supportive whilst also offering some words of caution.

Your last paragraph says it all! Age is not neccessarily an indicator for a happy marriage. There are infinite variables in life.

You'll not convince him otherwise so you have to support him OP. Anything else would just drive a wedge.

At 18, I felt I'd never love anyone more than my BF at the time and my parents scoffed at us. We've been together 17 years now and I've never doubted out relationship. Even when you're young, sometimes you just know.