DS proposing at 18

I met my DH at 19, he was 24. My father thought for several years that he was wrong for me but my mother always loved him.
We've had ups and downs over the years, with time out for bad behaviour, but have been married for over 48 years. I think this is largely luck but we get on. It could equally well not have lasted but I'm glad it did.

I'd say be supportive but not encouraging. And tell him that plan to wait will they've finished uni is a good one. It might end, it might not. Better to keep them close and guide towards logn engagement than say that you're not supporting them.

Be careful OP - I think you should stay out of it and be pleased for him if that’s what he wants to do. You will only upset him (and her ultimately) if you start to pull your face about it … and that won’t end well for you, I’m sure!

look at it this way; it will either work out and they will love happily ever after, or it won’t and going to uni is a good test of that.

I have been with my husband for 17 years, we met at 16 and both went to universities at opposite ends of the country. It can and does work sometimes.

also - my parents resented when I got engaged at 19. I never understood why they had to ruin that special occasion for us and - although I’d never hold it against them openly - I still harbour some resentment towards them. Don’t make that mistake.

It's far far too young but I would just encourage him to take his time and have a looooong engagement. It probably won't last through uni and if it does, fair play to them 🤷‍♀️

“Engagement” is meaningless in modern times and has no legal value.

They may or may not stay together, but “getting engaged” at the moment is no big deal. Lovestruck teens have been doing it for decades. It will work out, or it won’t.

You sound as if you’ve raised a very decent chap. He obviously wants to make her feel secure.

On the one hand, I can understand your worries. 18 is still very young really and going to uni can change a lot. I changed a lot (not in a bad way!) when I went to uni. I grew up and became more independent as I am sure your son and his gf will.

On the other, he sounds lovely, wanting to make a commitment, speaking with her parents etc. He also suggests they won't marry until they finish uni.

I think, given that they are both 18, I would be supportive of him. Remind him of the need to focus on their courses, being sensible with contraception etc.

It may be they stay together and marry after graduation, they equally may not, but no one can know that now.

As an aside, my mum met my dad when she was 16 and married him at 18. They celebrated their 43rd wedding anniversary last week - so it can work!

I'm with the same man I was with at 17, and was pretty certain then that I wanted to marry him even at that age. Although we've been together for close to a decade and still waiting. We didn't go to uni or college, but most people I know who went did indeed find other people there, even if the relationship was a very strong one. Uni tests the strongest of relationships. I think even now in my 20s my family wouldn't be pleased if we were to marry😂

He's being sensible, planning on proposing now but not even thinking about marriage until after uni. It's highly unlikely they'll still be together by then but if they are, they've grown up together they know each other well it does happen sometimes, just hope they hold off on DC and enjoy their young lives together first.
I would have some doubts if I was her parents though, that he was 'marking his territory' before she goes to uni without him

Totally get where you're coming from.

Its not about whether you like her or not. It's about knowing that at 18, we felt like adults and looking back, for lots of us, we realise we were still children!

He may be panicking that she's going to meet someone else at uni and putting a ring on it will minimise that possibility. The folly of youth....

Or he could genuinely believe she's the one, however if that's the case I'd question the timing.

Whatever the reason, I'm with you. I'd be upset. BUT they need to make the town decisions.

Yes, exactly this. It probably won't last, it's likely one of them will get hurt, but people do sometimes marry their first love without anything going wrong.
My DS met his GF at 16 in FE college, went off to University (alone) and came home most weekends to see her. They didn't get engaged for some years but eventually married before he was 30 and now have two children aged 12 and 9.
I think the problem is that a lot of celebrities get "engaged" but don't marry so it seems less of a commitment.

Ah, bless him! I was the girl in an almost identical scenario. Got engaged on my 18th birthday. We lasted through the 1st year at university, then split up. We stayed friends though - more than 25 years later, we still meet up for a good chat, know each other's spouses, etc.

Getting engaged is simply a statement of commitment at that age, especially when they're both off to pastures new.

I know so many couples that got together at around age 16 - some have been together for 45 years, some for 10 years. it may be fashionable to play the field and not 'settle' but if you are right for each other, why not?

it's likely they will grow apart naturally as they mature, but maybe they won't. I know a couple who met at 16, who coped with the death of a parent at a young age, uni in different cities, working in different cities. Nothing stopped them from feeling right for each other. Now married and extremely happy.

I'd probably feel the same as a mother however I met my ex dh at 19 and knew he was the one. We moved in together a couple of years later but waited a few more after that to get married. He's now an ex but we had over 2 decades together that I have absolutely no regrets about and had he not cheated I would still be with him. I'm still single 6 years on and doubt I'll ever find someone I feel the same way about again.

How much of the £12k has he spent on the ring?!?!?!

My Mothers classmates started dating at 14 and were still together in their late seventies, it’s the exception but it can happen. DS has been with his GF for almost 5 years and is 22. He will propose but is waiting for them to both actually be somewhere along their career paths. She has also made it very plain by saying if they were older she would have expected a ring by now.

If the engagement breaks and he has bought her a ring she is legally entitled to keep it. Just let him know that. I have had three engagement rings in my life, I sold the other two. Each one was a level up both man and ring.

I wouldn’t worry too much. He is just a bit excited and feels very grown up at 18. It’s hard to watch as you know he has just wasted money on a ring, and most people will be quietly laughing behind his back. If you tell him not to, it will just make him more determined. Hopefully the girl will have more sense. But as people have pointed out, it’s probably not going to result in marriage, at least not yet. If they do start to plan a wedding the cost involved will slow them down. Not to mention once married you can let them know they are responsible for supporting themselves too.

I was 18 when I met DH. I would have been horrified if he'd asked me to marry him then! It may well have ended the relationship. So that's a risk your DS may not have considered.

Just go along with it. If they actually want to get married in the near future be happy for them, but make them save to pay for it. That should buy some time.

I married at 25 (early for my friends, professional women a few years ago) but this is a stupid idea.
Does he understand that marriage is primarily a legal contract?
That it means sharing all your assets etc?
Very irresponsible

Quoted the wrong post there i think. Apologies!

I used to think this would be madness but more recently when I read about horror dating stories and the like I am actually starting to think that it’s maybe not a bad idea. One of the happiest couples I know have been together since 14 and are now mid 50’s. I know it was more common in the 80’s but who is to say it is wrong?

Wtaf has being gay got to do with anything?

Way too young! 18 years old you are just starting out with experiencing university life - going to parties - having fun - getting engaged at 18 in the 60’s/70’s was the norm. but not anymore -

All these stories are lovely, but also like the granny who smoked and drank and lived to 90. The reality is, most couples that marry at 18 will divorce. But that is outside the OP's control - yoou have to let them make their own mistakes.

16 - met DH
18 - DH proposed
23 - we got married
42 - still happily married!