To be embarrassed that I did nothing?

@Betterlatethanontime holy shit that's awful

People deal with things differently. Don’t beat yourself up.
Someone helped the lady, you couldn’t have done anything else.

I’ve phoned ambulances or the police in situations where a crowd has gathered and nobody else has bothered. I’ve checked on people who have collapsed and helped if they needed it. I think I’m pretty good at stepping up when someone needs help.

But I wouldn’t have done anything in this situation. Nor did I help the woman who fell over in a museum behind me last weekend. She was with her daughter, who helped her up, and two members of staff came over to check on her. Fussing about isn’t helpful.

For me, the rules are pretty simple. Help if you can add something. Stay out of it if not. Ask if not sure.

The woman who pushed you out of the way was being a bit OTT. Another passenger was already asking if the lady who fell was ok, I would have waited to see how she responded before barging in. No need for too many people to get involved and often this makes the situation worse.

It's not uncommon for people to respond with laughter in inappropriate situations, it doesn't make you a sociopath. As a new driver, my lovely friend got into a small car accident and couldn't stop laughing hysterically for quite a while afterwards. During the early days of Covid, she got on with caring for suspected Covid positive patients when her colleagues didn't want to; she's not an uncaring person at all.

This is me & I hate it ☹️ every time I think about everybody hurt/things that have happened I could litterally cry cause honestly im not an awful person I'm just so awkward/embarrassed/anxious. I'm so sorry afterwards as well 😢

I understand how you feel but I do think sometimes too many people and it just becomes an audience. During the height of Covid I went for a walk and saw an old lady fall. Two girls went over to help her. I had a few seconds to decide whether to help and I think the risk of Covid stopped me. I just walked straight past I felt awful and really cold.

@PatienceIsAVirtueInMM - I am not sure there is need for the what aboutery. No one here is saying they’d rather someone wasn’t helped. People are just recognising that some people have involuntary reactions to shocking situations. I am sure most people like to think, well I would x y z, but when you are faced with a shocking situation and your adrenaline starts pumping it’s a different story. One can have compassion and empathy for a person who has an accident and also have empathy for a person who has an uncontrollable reaction to witnessing it, those things aren’t mutually exclusive.

I do hope that if you witness something shocking one day and don’t reaction how you would hope or expect, that people are compassionate and understanding towards you.

Avondale89 · 29/06/2023 21:50
I find there’s always somebody around in these situations who bloody loves to take charge, so unsurprising you were shoved out of the way. Let them crack on.

This is an unfair comment. I’m always up to date with CPR (have a child with special needs), and I have stepped in a couple of during emergencies, whilst others froze. Not because I “bloody love it” but because a fellow human needs help, and I hope that someone would do it for my child or friend/family member.

Unless you don't care about your vulnerable family....
Which lots of MN doesn't care at all.

@Clafoutie
Are you serious?
You can be a super whatever person irl,but if you can't recognize that a vulnerable person needs assistance,then what's wrong with you??
If it was YOUR loved one, wouldn't you want someone to react asap?

Nervous laughter I totally get, can't be helped - laughing hysterically with tears rolling down your face at a man bleeding out on the floor? Yeah, that's not normal. Borderline sociopathic behaviour, actually.

Hysterical means uncontrolled emotion. As opposed to bit of a giggle and pull self together.

I think the hysterical poster should have explained it was an uncontrolled response to people that weren’t able to read between the lines of what they were saying.

If it was just you and this woman and nobody else - you would have stepped in

Your poor sister LaMaG. Can't imagine how awful she felt having that brought up repeatedly over 20 years.

Thank you to those that have been understanding and don't think I display 'borderline sociopathic behaviour' ().

for my fellow sufferers.

The PP's involuntary laughing fit reminds me of some of the reactions from participants in the Milgram Experiment. Similar to how some people smile or giggle when terrified or anxious, really. I don't think that makes them a bad person.

OP, if you'd like to be better in a crisis, you could choose to explore how you can achieve this with a therapist, go on basic courses for First Aid etc. to make yourself feel more confident, or start your day by thinking about how to approach the day if it contains some kind of unexpected drama. You can work out what your skills are in a crisis and what you are better to delegate. You aren't a bad person if you don't do any of this, but you might find your self-esteem and personal effectiveness improve. One day you might save the life of family, a friend, or a stranger. Or your own, through not panicking.

OTOH in the meantime, if you don't have anything to personally offer and there are other people around to take care of it, it is more useful to get yourself away from the incident as people who fuss, flap, gawp or get in the way make the matter worse. People are good and bad at different things, that's okay. Personally I wibble at every day low level things and am great in a crisis, my friend says she is the same. That doesn't make either of us a better or worse person that you are.

don't beat yourself up OP, I would be exactly the same (and also feel horrible about it) but I am not good in that sort of situation, I tend to completely freeze then other people have started to deal it so I just feel awful about not helping & shrink away.

I honestly don't know how to change that reaction

Are you always this hard on yourself! Don’t be!!!

Uncontrollable laughter as a trauma response is very well documented. I don't know why some posters are getting so pissy. It's literally a reflex of the nervous system after a shock and not a malicious or evil pre-meditated thing.

I was in a minor car crash once (not my fault) and I couldn't stop laughing for about 10 mins. It was so weird to experience.

She clearly wasn't 'functioning' in that moment though obviously. Her brain was going haywire.

I’m not angry or even remotely, I think the written word can often be translated according to one’s own interpretation rather than reality.

@Lillyrosemay You appear quite angry about something just because you haven’t experienced it. I can understand being miffed seeing it in the moment, I very much would, but then I would probably think back to this thread and think maybe they can’t help it and give them the benefit of the doubt. What benefit is there to shaming people for involuntary reactions.

I have a story where I both fought and froze as it were. A man pushed past me on an escalator, tripped and tumbled down the escalator. Without thinking I rushed to the emergency stop and pressed it, but then I froze and I could just feel my adrenaline pumping. Luckily station staff had already rushed to help him at the bottom and thanked me for my quick reactions. I was too shocked to speak, I just stood to one side like a lemon for a moment and then wandered home in a bit of a daze. Other times I have rushed to help when someone fell, called ambulances, collected up belongings etc. There is no predicting your reaction to sudden unexpected events.

No it’s not. And if you are one of the few to react like this, You’d move away, try to cover what you were doing. It is not normal to stand there laughing so hard tears were running down your cheeks at an elderly man laying bleeding. That poor man to be laying there injured and someone stood laughing hard at him.

if it was normal for lots of people. Using your words, we would see loads of people pissing themselves when they see a road traffic accident or any other accident or injury. We do not.

however there could be an English language barrier here. Normal in English means typical. Standard. If it was typical or standard for a lot of people as said we would see it. Every time someone was rubber necking an accident you’d see folks laughing so hard there were tears streaming down their face; we do not.

I'm the sort that freezes. A few years work decided they needed another first aider and as they had no volunteers I was told I was doing it. I told them I'm no good with blood, breaks or dislocations and have a needle phobia but they insisted. It was a disaster and waste of company money. In the end I just took my name off the first aid poster in the office as I didn't want anyone thinking I'd be any help!

I cannot believe the responses on here to a person that had to process their shock before they could help. I am not sure jumping in without thinking is always the best thing anyway. Sometimes incorrectly treating someone could make their worse.

As for laughing in shock, or when overwhelmed by feelings, it is very, very common. I was a passenger in a car accident and laughed uncontrollably even though it was me it had happened to, shock pure shock. I read up about it and suggest a few other people on this thread do too.

But the thread you've commented on isn't about someone "rubbernecking". It's very clear from the OP that she froze due to panic and a lack of confidence in her ability to manage the situation. Interesting that you've been quick to mock my comprehension skills but you don't seem to have understood the OP.