Thoughts on teacher’s comment

This is a bit weird. I thought lots of things several years ago that I have completely different opinions on now. I think that’s pretty normal.

Funny my understanding is so one-dimensional that I have been the one to make all the practical ADHD management suggestions (all tried and tested either by my own kids, friends kids or adult friends with ADHD) on this thread.....

I do agree I'm not a huge fan of ADHD medication. I'm loathed to see any child medicated for ADHD, especially when so many practical interventions haven't been tried first.

If I heard that my child was doing no work in class my reaction would be to try and figure out if it was true that my child wasn't working and work towards fixing that. Most children know who does their work and who doesn't, who is a messer and who isn't etc. I wouldn't be freaking out and calling the fact that a child overheard an interaction between my child and the teacher a safeguarding issue. If the teacher announced to the class that your dd only wanted to take it home for her mum to do then your daughter also announced to the class that she hadn't done her work.

Telling someone to get a grip really isn’t an insult, I can’t help it if you’re sensitive about someone being direct…

As for the teacher comment, being married to one and by extension knowing a lot I’m well aware a lot of teachers don’t like others assuming things about their role (many are sensitive about it), perhaps you’re not one of those, who knows.

As for the surgeon, if I needed my leg cutting off and your brain surgeon husband was the only option, sure.

Anyway, clearly we’re on a different page. For now I’ll stick with attached legs but I’ll be sure to let you know if that changes.

Ask how the tables are arranged. No it really won't help here to be next to kids who are distracting her. sometimes theres a habit of clumping kids with SN together. Often it's done for good reason, to focus any intervention they can fund on as many children as possible. For example at primary DS' EHCP was funding a one to one but he was often sat with other kids with SN who essentially benefitting from his intervention.

Pragmatically this can be often be ok, but actually it can be really bad for ADHD. (I try and put kids with ADHD as separate as possible in corners on their own desks, not always possible in mainstream!!)

Also how do you get to school? Can you walk to school, at least part of the way?

Does she tend to spin, bounce or hang ? "Bouncers" tend to benefit from some kind of trampoline/trampette at home, "spinners" by those shell shaped spinney things if she's small enough or those standing spinning things if not, "hangers" from monkey bars in the garden or pull up bars in a doorway. Ideally you want her on them before school. Alternatively (or additionallly) you want a physical activity (like swimming) she does at least 3 times a week after school. Would she have a go at some kind of kids yoga regularly? (Wii fit can be good for this)

Also search fidget cushion on amazon for school.

Clearly I know nothing

Relatively speaking you don't seem to, unfortunately, @Icedlatteplease. I have met a good number of parents, teachers and even SEN(D)COs of children with ADHD who unfortunately have a very one-dimensional (and incorrect) understanding of ADHD. Fine if they are prepared to develop their understanding over time (as new research comes out all the time anyway), not if not and they are intransigently dictating nonsense. The fact that you are not acknowledging and learning form the other posts but dismissing them suggests to me you might come into this camp.

You may also find that your children's difficulties are quite subtle and don't come to light straight away, or change as they get older or in different environments - secondary school, 6th form, university and work can all be times of considerable challenge even if they are able to work well in a primary (and secondary) class. Other children will be struggling in different or more overt ways. ADHD can present differently even in the same sex in the same family, let alone across different families, male or female, with comorbidities and other factors. Also important in presentation at school is whether a child is on medication or not (but no child should be obliged to be medicated for ADHD if that's not their parents' choice because there are pros and cons including some newly-discovered later-life risks from long term use).

Yeah you're right, it'll probably be all over the news tomorrow. If only she had posted on an anonymous forum that only a small proportion of the population use... 🤔

Did I say all adhd people are the same? Don’t twist my words because you personally do not like what I’ve written. And tell me about a child who feels like they’re doing as well as their peers who asks to take their class work home? Especially when said classmates are telling her mum exactly how she’s struggling in school. Gosh what would one call school work that they do at home again?

Sure there may be several reasons why a child isn’t completing work in school, but adhd is the key issue the op has raised, and it presents in many girls as inattentive behaviour. You might be given the 2 + 2 and trying to make 10 but I’ve only replied to the op in response to the exact information she has given. If there are other reasons why her child is struggling, she has not chosen to share and I would’ve so rude as to suggest my own narrative on why her daughter is struggling.

It sounds more like she didn’t want to finish the task, so was using the ‘I’ll do it later’ excuse - which the teacher didn’t go for. So I don’t think that it is a big issue.

However a chat with the teacher about how she is struggling to focus & complete work is entirely appropriate. You don’t say how far down the pathway to a diagnosis you are, but it might be worth asking the teacher about strategies that can be put in place anyway. Because, even if she isn’t diagnosed with ADHD, she is still struggling in class & that needs to be addressed.

I'd have a quiet word to.the teacher involved telling you were shocked to hear a comment like this at a child party and from a child not even in your child's class. But you know kids talk in the playground.

First of all people with ADHD are not a complete homogeneous entity.
Secondly the OP did not say her DD was ‘overwhelmed by the fact she’s not reaching her potential’. Most children have absolutely no idea what their potential is at that age!
Thirdly she didn’t offer to do ‘extra homework’, she wanted to take home her class work rather than doing it in class.

There are many reasons as to why a child isn’t completing work in class.

Given you’re a teacher I’m shocked that you’re willing to accept the word of a young child as gospel and believe what they’re saying is a direct, accurate quote. I imagine if you heard things that kids you teach have said about you they’d be very different to a) what you said and b) lacking context. DH is a high school teacher before you challenge my view. .

Those kids could be psychopaths (unlikely obviously) because you say you don’t know them.

I also haven’t insulted you but there you go.

If its not a academic level problem or a motor skills issue, it's back to the basics like where is she sat in the classroom (facing a black spot of wall if possible), is she allowed to use headphones, does she use visual timers (executive function: timers at this age must not be just a counter, should be a physical or electronic hour glass or the ones with the red section that reduce ovef time).

How far is she off diagnosis? Can you afford private?

Yy to emails being an absolute dud unless you are leaving a paper trail for legal purposes

I think it's probably time to have a catch up with the teacher about how your DD's ADHD is affecting her in class, do you and teacher think bringing tasks home to finish in a less distracting environment might be helpful or not, what can you do to support sense. You could mention the comment reported by the kids, even if in context of I think they must have got the wrong end of the stick but ...

I remember an incident with DC and a teacher at a similar age, similarly reported to me by another child and confirmed by my own. The teacher had really done and said the thing alleged in our case, it was very clumsy and DD had every reason to be upset, but the teacher's reason wasn't what the kids understood it to be - intentions good, empathy total fail. She apologised to my DC.

I 100% agree with you. I’ve experienced this multiple times, including the time my child with EDS was ridiculed for not being able to tie her own shoe laces in front of the class.

Personally, I find a face to face approach more productive. Especially if my ‘evidence’ isn’t solid. Sending multiple emails, for me, comes across as passive aggressive. You will get a thousand answers from the teachers body language alone.

What is so wrong with just talking these days?

Also is the work at the right level for her I'm the first place. How ate her gross and fine motor skills.

DS had a scribe for his work, but he was encouraged to try and work independently. When he did he was to focus on the work not the date and LO.

Date and LO is a useful discipline for NT kids but for a kid with a finite amount of concentration you need to get straight in with the work, when the work starts coming you can introduce date and LO later.

If you say so 🤷‍♀️. Quite frankly it doesn’t matter, it’s not about saving the feelings of the adults here. It about taking an incident where the child is looking every which way to be like everyone else and evidently not being taken seriously by those in her classroom. That is the base on which to ask the SENCO for advice on how to give the child the fairness chance at an education.

No one is trying to get a teacher in trouble here, quite frankly if you have a SEN child you will at some point come across a teacher who say or does something incredibly naive that you have to deal with the fallout for your child. Yes, it does happen and I can give you plenty of examples. I am not saying that children can rely incidents word for word but SEN kids are too often treated like a burden (and so evidenced by some of the attitudes on here, even by some who say they’re teachers themselves), it is not beyond reach that there is truth amongst the tales.