For not catering..

I’m not sure how you worded the initial reply to her but I would have done something like

Hey X! Sorry to hear your not eating dairy on top of your other dietary requirements. I’ve already done the shop for the bbq now, here is what i’ll be serving - a,b,c,d,e, and so on. If non of these options are suitable please feel free to bring along what you’d like to eat, I’m sure you’ll appreciate I’ve no time now to go to the shop again, looking forward to seeing you’

if anyone has anything shitty to say back to that then it’s alllll on them. The fact her doing came anyway makes me think she really is the issue here.

I have intolerances I'd happily bring my own rather than be ill.

Where has OP sneered at intolerances?

I’m intolerant to gluten and dairy too but as far as I can see OP has been plenty accommodating, but refuses to be a mug.

YABU to sneer at the whole intolerance thing. For some people intolerance means 3 days of awful diarrhoea or vomiting.

If that was the case you think the friend might have made informing the OP a priority. If I had food intolerance which made me that unwell I would be sure to let anyone catering for me know and in fact I would probably insist on taking my own food to be on the safe side.

YANBU

She can still have jacket potato and salad. Yes, rather short on protein, but at didn't give you enough notice to expect you to have protein that is vegetarian, gluten free AND dairy free. That would require thought and preparation. Whereas she presumably knows what protein she can have and will have it in the house.

I have allergies and I'm a pain to cater for. Always happy to bring something or just eat my main meal at another time of day.

So not so much a vegetarian as an 'I fill up on unhealthy carbs'

obviously YANBU to have not rustled up something extra at no notice. I always offer to bring my own, and I actually prefer it when people say yes please. It's just basic guesting to offer when you have dietary restrictions.

YABU to sneer at the whole intolerance thing. For some people intolerance means 3 days of awful diarrhoea or vomiting.

YANBU There were lots of things she could've eaten, but she chose to act like a stroppy teenager and then had the cheek to call YOU rude

I had the opposite issue once.

I invited a friend and her newish DH for dinner, knew they were vegetarian and had eaten veggie meals at theirs.

So I cooked all veggie food, only to be told as they sat down to dinner that her DH didn’t eat onion, garlic and few other veggies.

Technically my fault for not asking beforehand, but we’d been friends since school, I wish I’d been warned.

I have dietary requirements, (lactose mainly and some diary) I just tell them to cook whatever they want and I will either find something to eat, or bring my own

i have friends who have coeliac disease and yes I cater for them, and yes I normally eat cauldron vegetarian sausages anyway, but that’s all I would cater for for veggies

YANBU. I'm a common-or-garden vegetarian and I always offer to bring something myself unless I know the host or a member of their family is vegetarian and they'll be catering for that anyway.

I do prefer a bit of the BBQ that hasn't had meat on it yet though, I don't want little bits of beefburger stuck to my beanburger.

My friend is like this - l am not convinced they are genuine intolerances. I said to her l would struggle to make a dairy , gluten and meat free meal and she said l really upset her. I said it nicely as well!
Yanbu.

YANBU. I am coeliac and I always expect/happy to take my own. To be honest, I prefer it so I can control cross contamination etc. I think most people with particular requirements are the same .

Prob bloody sick of her

She’s being a self obsessed arse. She can spring that on you last minute and expect you to jump.

Anyone else find it hilarious that her DH still came?

Obviously he felt she was being unreasonable too…

Ridiculous! I am a vegetarian and always ask if I can bring veggie food as I don’t like the idea of creating extra work.

Diva!

*chat shit about it up and down Facebook. IDK how my sentence got fragmented like that.

Also if she's going to chat shit up about it and down Facebook and send you nasty texts you're well rid of her, so hopefully she uninvites herself from your future celebrations as well.

Tbh I would have been happy with the jacket potato and salad. She is a CF!

She sounds ridiculous.
Surely, if you're going to an event where your food options might be limited (through choice, allergies, whatever,) you work your way around it.
I don't see why she couldn't of had a big breakfast at home before arriving, then have jacket potato and salad for her lunch at bbq!
Presumably she wasn't planning on turning up completely empty handed was she?- she certainly could have bought something with her.
Failing that, it's only one meal, a couple of hours, just have a few drinks, nibble some crisps or whatever and then leave!
People are just so bloody spoilt and entitled these days! A completely ridiculous and unnecessary carry on!!

YANBU I have one allergy not a billion food fussinesses and I'd take my own food to something like this or wing it on the day and just see what there was to eat (which sometimes means I eat just the salad and I'm ok with that).