For not catering..

Diet Wankers, can’t stand them. Eat what you want but please don’t expect me to care or purchase sausage replacements that are 3x the price during a cost of living crisis.

She's creating Unnecessary drama.

She told you that morning!

You had alternative veggie and dairy free items (potato and salad) and already catered gluten free.

I have gluten intolerance and always take my own rolls/cakes etc foods to bbqs etc.

YANBU. I've been vegan 5 years and was vegetarian 27 years before that.

I always offer to bring my own food to BBQs, parties etc, mainly so as to not be a pain in the arse for the host.

But also as it's a common occurrence for the host to buy you something in good faith and it be vegetarian and not vegan, or a brand you don't like, etc.

Like you say, you had salads and potatoes, not like she'd have starved. Probably did you a favour to stay away! She's being a dramatic martyr. Ignore.

Sounds like a Jain diet and they tend to eat a lot of pulses but strict Jains don’t eat anything grown underground. Other Hindu vegetarian groups don’t eat onion and garlic. Key thing is to explain dietary restrictions in advance though, it’s not very nice to spring it on the hosts without notice.

I have a friend who is super picky, in part just pickiness and part due to intolerance. He frequently eats with us and whilst doesn't bring his own stuff since the very first time he visited he explained what he didn't eat well in advance and said "if you get stuck I'm happy with a couple of boiled eggs". I think if you have dietary requirements you either bring your own or give a super simple work around long in advance of the day.

Her lack of notice makes her the CF and because of that YANBU

I have a couple friends who are veggie and one who has a more restrictive diet due to IBS. Vegetarians are easy to provide for but they are also always willing to bring something that they can eat and that people can share too. Your 'friend' is being ridiculous.

She didn't have to "wish" she could have come. She was welcome and chose not to. Totally her fault if she missed out. All she had to do was spend a few pounds on a main for herself and then have the option of the sides you provided. I'd have happily (and have) contribute to any meal or party. I'd Ignore totally.

This. I wouldn't cater to this. Fussy people can sort their food out.

Not always, I am what you might class as "fussy" and there are lots of normal foods that I don't like or don't want to try. I always cater for myself as I wouldn't want attention to be drawn to me if I could find anything I liked at a barbecue etc.

Me too but I guess he probably wanted a decent meal for a change!!

She is completely unreasonable. It's not a medical diagnosis like a peanut allergy or coeliac disease and it was also very short notice.

She's being precious and entitled. Feck her.

As an aside, I just wanted to point out that gluten intolerance can be bad. Like, rolling around in agony bad. If I accidentally have a few crumbs via eg shared butter it causes me literal days of pain, diarrhoea and sometimes a rash and migraine.

That said, I would never expect anyone to accommodate my needs and always take my own food to events (not least because I don't trust people not to accidentally cross contaminate with the crumbs!).

In this instance I would definitely message her and tell her she's being incredibly unreasonable to expect others to accommodate her needs at very short notice. She's being a div AND speaking to others as if you're in the wrong!

Cheeky sod.

An intolerance is still important to avoid and should be taken seriously.

she shouldn’t be telling you last minute though.

realistically, she should be willing to bring food. However, it is very disheartening to feel so unwelcome again and again when you have medical food restrictions. I have esoteric allergies and people just can’t be bothered. They will bend over backwards for philosophical diets, but can’t even begin to think about providing dishes that won’t have people reaching for epi-pens. It does make you decide to just decline some invites because you know people don’t really care about you joining in.

She has what you provide or not. You said she was welcome to bring something and that’s fine too. The point is to see and chat with everyone surely not just the food.

I think it was unreasonable of her to expect you to be able to cater for a new dietary requirement if she only told you on the day! She could have picked up something plant based on the way or been fine with salad and potatoes.

As someone who has a fussy family, I offer to bring suitable things. I'm there to socialise, not make someone's life harder!
The only thing I'm a bit funny about is that I prefer my veggie food not cooked on a BBQ but it's because it's either meat flavoured (hard to separate) or just crumbles into the coals so useless anyway.

My DH has a dairy and gluten intolerance..he always brings stuff with him . Especially rolls which are extortionately priced .
My neighbours are veggie and they bring stuff off their own back even though I insist they don't have to . She sounds like she's being hard work on purpose.

She was unreasonable to only let you know the morning of the bbq. Either she just made the decision so another day wouldn’t matter or else she knew in advance and could have told you sooner. Regardless, when you have a specific diet you become accustomed to having to work around it when eating out or bringing your own food.

DD and I have a tree nut allergy-hers is much worse and she has epi pens.

I am happy to just avoid dishes that have nuts and can usually find something but would much much rather bring something safe and not be an inconvenience to the hostess-especially the day of.

Of course she could have come-she just needed to bring something that met her specific needs.
I think very cheeky to announce on the morning of the bbq and then make passive aggressive facebook posts!

I don’t think op sneered just didn’t want to accommodate a last minute request. It’s annoying when people decide they are intolerant to something and don’t give advance notice like you are supposed to be psychic. I’m happy to cater for gluten free/ vegan friends. Less so for the faddy I’m only eating raw/ paleo/ olives/ whatever current fad is.

My last bbq someone told me on the day they were a pescatarian and they weren’t keen on veggie or vegan options. I ended up chucking a packet of prawns in the air fryer. She’d gone back to meat eating the next week.

sounds a real drama queen i have various requirements but I am happy to take things along which I find other folk often enjoy too! I must admit tho jackets and salad I would be more than happy with

Sure but I think wording is important, if OP messaged back with an explanation as above the guest would be been unreasonable but if op has messaged back ‘we’ll i’ve got everything now so you’ll have to sort yourself out’ I would think guest would have reason to be a bit huffy, despite the meanings of the message being the same.

I have an intolerance which I am embarrassed to tell people about as I don't have a proper diagnosis of allergy or similar.

I wouldn't have behaved like this in a million years. Depending on the situation eg how many people present and how well I knew the host I would have done one of:
-turn up and just eat whatever suitable bits happened to be there

• tell host well in advance

If I was a gluten free dairy free vegetarian I would assume I would need to take my own - that is a difficult combination to cater for as many vegan/vegetarian alternatives use wheat gluten as a protein source.

Seems a bit redundant…