Ex partner and kids

Honestly, irl people would say just turn off your tracker. No one would be as nasty as some of the posters on here. AIBU is usually harsh but most comments on here are just people trying to be funny or for some reason kick someone when they're down.

Don't let it get to you. As long as you don't mention it to your son or ex be as mad about it as you want! But for your wellbeing Id recommend turning it off.

Whoops, left that sitting half-written too long!

You mean the ex-friend who called OP controlling and unbalanced? 🤔

The friend didn’t say this, her ex who the friend calls “a nice guy” did.

Just came on to say my DS is fine, not even tired ha ha ha.

Setting aside whether you “should” turn off your son’s tracker when he’s with his dad because it seems like an invasion of privacy to some people (I personally think it’s perfectly fine to know where your 12-year-old is when he’s not with you and would have zero problem with my ex knowing where I take the kids and when), can you see that your anxiety and annoyance about the situation was unnecessary, and was fueled by you making assumptions and projecting your feelings about things unrelated to your son onto the information you received through the tracker?

That’s not healthy for you and has potential to affect your relationship with your son. I think it’s worth reflecting on whether it’s better for your own peace of mind to turn off the tracker when your DS is with his dad, at least until you can feel more detached from what his father is doing and with whom.

I think you have to accept that exes friends only see their nice side and have never been close enough to witness emotional abuse- I find it difficult too that my exes friends are still his friends after how he treated me ('can't they see what a nasty bastard he is!') but if he's nice enough to them then they have no incentive to cut him off for the sake of someone they don't know. I wouldn't hold it against that friend, even though I really know how frustrating it is.

Coming home late- perhaps you can discuss reasonable bedtimes but I wouldn't admit to the tracker or bring it up it sounds to stalky. I would totally put one on my child phone too though when he's old enough! Xx

You mean the ex-friend who called OP controlling and unbalanced? 🤔

Yes YABU.

You shouldn’t be checking up on your kids when they are with their Dad. No matter the reason.

Also agree this is about how you feel about your ex.

Both of mine are in bed early tonight after a late night last night with their Dad. It’s not the end of the world and I’m sure they’ll be fine by tomorrow

I don’t think o could get worked up about a 12 year old who was up until 00.35 on a Saturday night with his dad.

Im guessing you think your ex-friend is your ex’s new girlfriend, OP?

Poor kids!

Where they were isn’t you adding ‘context’, it’s your sour grapes issue.

He doesn’t need to do what you want on his time. He’s just as much of an autonomous parent as you.

OP me and my kids have Life360 and I get these notifications. I don't use it to spy and I'm sure they don't either. As suggested, maybe get him to have a relaxing shower/bath and then early night. You can only control what you do, not your ex.

This is proper batshit, tracking your ex's movements.

If I were him I'd be turning that phone off the second my DS arrived and not on again until he was back in your house.

I'm shocked your ex is OK with this. In fact by your communication style and personal attacks on PPs I'd make a decent bet the ex is unaware you are tracking him (through your ds).

Proper shitty and controlling behaviour by OP.

So your 12 and 9 year old stayed up past 12am on a Saturday night once when they were with their dad?...

Yeah couldn't get worked up about that and no I don't think you can be angry.

And how do you know it wasn't a special occasion? Is it only special if it's on mums time?

Anyway, so I'm a bully and I'm gaslighting. Any other names to chuck at me or do you have an actual argument that isn't "exdh isn't asking my permission to breath"?

Just leave OP alone- you are a bully.

OP, I’m personally of the view that it’s irresponsible to keep a 12 yr old and a 9 yr old out until half midnight unless for a special occasion. And especially bad if DS has an exam Monday morning.

Some posters will move heaven and earth to justify men’s irresponsible parenting and paint woman and bitter and jealous. Don’t let it get to you x

@Screwballs was right though....

You absolutely were back tracking, you said yourself that you just get notifications, you said that twice, omitting the fact you then went digging to find out where they'd been. That is spying.

Re the friend, you specifically said "and she told me that she was a nice person and could see both sides of a story", how is seeing both sides of the story taking his side?! Helping him find a flat is just being helpful, you clearly stayed in the home otherwise she may have done the same for you. I assume she no longer talks to you because you got the hump with her for not being on your side.

Stop lashing out when you are the one seeking validation of your behaviour. And as for valid opinions, someone disagreeing with you does not invalidate their thoughts.

I say this kindly OP, but are you sure this isn’t about them bring at the ex-friends house? If they had been at his mum’s for example, perhaps you would feel differently? I promise I’m not having a go, it’s just something that stuck out in your first post

At twelve they're not important exams, an early night is all they need tonight. If you say anything you'll look exactly like they already think you are. Turn off the push notifications on the App too and don't look at it while they're with their dad. How would you feel if your ex tracked you?

If he is 12 then it's just generic marked in school exams done at the end of each school year.

What are end of year exams? GCSE's? Mocks?