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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should I tell him ?

39 replies

Moralquestion · 24/06/2023 21:17

NC because I have asked a few people this irl

Background ;
I work and live in a big , most very early mornings while waiting for a bus at a interchange I see homeless / rough sleepers / beggars and get approached almost everyday for money by the same 2 or 3 , I dont carry change with me ( metal detectors at work ) so can not give them any.

I work close to a building that has bookable meeting rooms , two permanent offices , a cafe , shared seating ( so you can take your own food in ) toilets and showers that anyone can use for free
I have used all of them facilities apart from the offices off and on .

Main Bit ,
The showers are individual cubicles, so you can have a shower get un/dressed in complete privacy , there is wall mounted shower gel . No towels .

Should I let the people that approach me know they have somewhere they can go and have a hot shower and all of there belongings are still safe while they do.

The only problem is two of the ones I see most days attitude can vary wildly , some days they are very polite and wish me a good day when I have to refuse them money , other days they are very high on drink / drugs and are threatening bus passengers / drivers / staff and causing havoc in the shops by tipping shelves over pouring milk on the news papers , knocking stuff of shelves .
There are security on but they can not stop them when 3 or come in at once then split up in the shop

I am sure in their situation I would love to be able to have a hot shower , esp in this very warm weather.

I would like to tell them about the showers but i am worried about what happens if they cause damage or get abusive / threating ?

Over to you MN

YABU - tell them about the showers and hope they behave

YANBU Dont tell them , its not fair on the staff / cleaners / owners

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Dacadactyl · 30/06/2023 19:58

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

You would be putting other people at serious risk.

They will be in touch with agencies and organisations. There are places for them to go if they want a shower. If they look a mess, its likely they will not be engaging with services being offered to them.

You can't help some people.

ReachForTheMars · 30/06/2023 19:57

It's not yours to offer.

You wouldn't offer your own home or office so I think you need to be respectful of the people whose service you are using.

thehonscupboard · 30/06/2023 19:49

I used to work with lots of street homeless people, often with addictions. What really helps is shelter shower facilities that provide clean clothes at the same time. Perhaps research if any facilities like that are available near your workplace. I see where you're coming from but the pleasantness of a lovely shower is undone if you have to get dressed back in the same clothes you've worn for a while.

JazzyBBG · 30/06/2023 19:14

@Moralquestion you need the managing agent. If it's a big place it will be a CBRE/JLL/Cushman/Savills/Avison Young type manager. It could be local authority owned. Either way I imagine the response is not as you would hope.

Original poster
Moralquestion · 30/06/2023 14:10

I have known people who use alcohol as their only means of escaping from terrible situations both physical painful conditions and mental conditions , is it right ? No , do I understand why they do it ? yes.

@ComtesseDeSpair , Prestwich ( greater Manchester )
as I have said the building has multiple spaces and services , cafes , work stations , a gym , food stands , offices , meeting rooms so lots of people come and go all of the time , I guess the best way to think of it is a bit like a shopping centre .
I have emailed each of the business I am still trying to find out who manages the building as a whole so I can get in touch with them .

OP posts:
BathoryCastle · 28/06/2023 14:13

Moralquestion · 28/06/2023 10:21

This is the kind of think i was following , even the places that do have them i am not sure how secure peoples possessions would be while they are having a shower.

The disregard towards homeless / beggars is saddening , yes they may be asking for money for their next fix or drink and while I dont really like the idea of facilitating that it is up to them how they spend any money that is given to them not me .
But this is the reason I would of liked to offer them something more practical

Show quote history

There was an article long time ago by mother of guy who begged monwy for drugs. She explained that that kept him just above hitting the bottom he needed to hit because it still provided the fix. It was very sad and eye opening read.

I don't give anything to beggars. I lived near hostel and saw how many soent their money. But I support local charities with homeless reach. There is a difference between homeless and beggar. And it's not just that lots if not most beggers are organised business.

ComtesseDeSpair · 28/06/2023 10:38

If you say which city or part of the city this in, there will likely be posters who know of services and day centres which you could signpost homeless people to. Some emergency temporary winter night shelters might be in church halls, but the majority of dedicated homelessness services operate from fixed premises with proper facilities nowadays.

I remain baffled by why you’re so insistent that a business operating a facility from its premises couldn’t stop anyone from using that facility. If the business owns or has a lease on the premises, of course they can stop anybody using the shower facilities if they want to. They might – currently – have a policy of free and open use as they’ve not experienced any misuse. But they could easily change the access arrangements so that the showers were lockable and only accessible to keyholders / people with a passcode, or close them down altogether. And whilst I feel sympathy for rough sleepers as a group, I sure as hell wouldn’t want to be showering and changing in a facility being accessed by homeless men who’ve you’ve described as often being drunk or high and behaving aggressively and unpredictably, so I think their customer base would encourage them to be doing that pretty sharpish. The poor staff would then just be having to deal with and turn away the drunk and aggressive men who’d been told they could have a free shower.

Original poster
Moralquestion · 28/06/2023 10:21

Adarajames · 27/06/2023 19:55

Very few shelters have showers people can use actually as many are run in church halls or other temporary spaces, so space to sleep, sometimes space for food to be made, but only occasionally are there showers available

This is the kind of think i was following , even the places that do have them i am not sure how secure peoples possessions would be while they are having a shower.

The disregard towards homeless / beggars is saddening , yes they may be asking for money for their next fix or drink and while I dont really like the idea of facilitating that it is up to them how they spend any money that is given to them not me .
But this is the reason I would of liked to offer them something more practical

OP posts:
JazzyBBG · 27/06/2023 20:50

What is the building? Unless it's a council building I guarantee it is NOT for everyone. Whoever operates it will have insurance restrictions as to usage and inviting the homeless in will no doubt contravene those restrictions. It's not your building to offer.

Avondale89 · 27/06/2023 20:42

Adarajames · 27/06/2023 20:25

I know plenty of people who are or have been homeless and or sleeping rough, who are not addicted to drugs or alcohol, who hold down full time jobs, but who are totally priced out of London living for example. Rather a lot of casual stereotyping going on here!

Roughly 2/3 of rough sleepers have issues with addiction. It’s not stereotyping.

catsnhats11 · 27/06/2023 20:38

You say you'd like to have a nice soapy shower in this hot weather, but you're living a very different life and looking at this from your perspective. I suspect even if you offer the showers (which you shouldn't, it's not yours to offer) it won't be taken up on.

Irritateandunreasonable · 27/06/2023 20:31

darkmodeon · 24/06/2023 22:39

dont carry change with me ( metal detectors at work ) so can not give them any. but if you give it to them it won't be a problem with the metal detectors at work! I mean there are other issues with giving cash but that isn't one of them!

What a stupid thing to say.

WalkingThroughTreacle · 27/06/2023 20:29

If you seriously care as much as you claim why not offer them the use of your own shower in your own home? Then you want have to worry about the ethics of offering up somebody else's facilities.

Whether you agree with it or not, I don't believe for a second you think the owner of the facility you have in mind intend it to be used as a drop-in for the homeless.

Adarajames · 27/06/2023 20:25

I know plenty of people who are or have been homeless and or sleeping rough, who are not addicted to drugs or alcohol, who hold down full time jobs, but who are totally priced out of London living for example. Rather a lot of casual stereotyping going on here!

CaroleSinger · 27/06/2023 20:22

Of course theres always the possibility that a shower is the last thing that people living rough using drugs and alcohol want anyway.

BathoryCastle · 27/06/2023 20:02

If you are in big city I can guaranteethere are facilities.

I would be equally confident about the people asking for change actually not being actually homeless but beggars who need cash for fix/alcohol and so on. Real homeless are not looking for attention

Adarajames · 27/06/2023 19:55

Very few shelters have showers people can use actually as many are run in church halls or other temporary spaces, so space to sleep, sometimes space for food to be made, but only occasionally are there showers available

Original poster
Moralquestion · 27/06/2023 13:49

For all them that seem to be insisting I should be able to take money into work the simple answer is it is a pain in the arse !
All metal and conducting martials must be left in the log room , this means every single item has to be signed in and out , so if you wear a watch the type brand a colour , size , has to be wrote down with me and duty staff checking the info and both signing for it .
so with change I would have to write
Moralquestion -
Item - one pound coin * *
Colour - gold & sliver

Size- 13mm -
Value £1
Is this Item needed for work ? No .

Then make a note of the automatically generated pick up code ( this takes up to 3 minuets ) which is 13 letters/numbers long and give this back at the end of my shift . I can not log on to start my shift until this is done , with a average of 12 of us queuing up to start at the same time you become very unpopular if you keep doing this !

Now back to the point of my thread .🙄
I accept that it it could cause issues for the owners/ manager's of the site so I have sent the various business a email as @AllTheChaos suggested to see if they would mind me mentioning it .
As I said upthread anyone can use the showers ( we are on a huge industrial estate ) so strictly speaking I dont think they could stop them but as it is a bugger of a place to find I very much doubt anyone without prior knowledge would find the site .

OP posts:
GreenwichOrTwicks · 25/06/2023 06:25

YABVU - you won't spend your own money but happy to cause expense and grief to the owners.

darkmodeon · 25/06/2023 06:09

AllTheChaos · 25/06/2023 02:39

Surely you have somewhere at work where you leave eg keys, couldn’t you leave change there?
re: the showers, can you not ask the manager of the space? I would assume the answer will be ‘no’, but the fact is it’s not your business to be making the offer, and you need to ask someone who has the right to make that decision. Ie, whoever pays.

Show quote history

Thats a good idea. They might welcome it, they might not.

darkmodeon · 25/06/2023 06:08

Moralquestion · 24/06/2023 22:54

@darkmodeon I dont think they could change the way they operate , as they would have to close the toilets too , they are all in the same room.
and yes it is perfectly ok for me and my work mates to use them
What happens if I dont see them or they are been abusive what do I do with my change then ?

Pop into a shop and put it in a charity tin.

AllTheChaos · 25/06/2023 02:39

Moralquestion · 24/06/2023 23:18

Do you mean where I work? No I work within a area of very high electric power and risk of arcing so we are not allowed to carry / wear any metal and have to wear protective clothing

Surely you have somewhere at work where you leave eg keys, couldn’t you leave change there?
re: the showers, can you not ask the manager of the space? I would assume the answer will be ‘no’, but the fact is it’s not your business to be making the offer, and you need to ask someone who has the right to make that decision. Ie, whoever pays.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 25/06/2023 02:28

If they were that available to them then they’d already know.

I’d bet good money the business doesn’t want homeless people using their facilities and people will know that.

Original poster
Moralquestion · 25/06/2023 02:23

@determinedtomakethiswork , I am not doing it to make to make myself feel better , I am doing it to help a fellow human surely that not that difficult to understand?
You are right Shelter probably do have showers so I will leave them to sort it out .

OP posts:
Northernsouloldies · 24/06/2023 23:51

Their paying customers... Not his.