To send this text?

I was once seeing a recovering alcoholic and when he relapsed he was horrible to me too. He did apologise but it was very much about him and making himself feel better and convincing himself he's not a bad person. I accepted the first one, after that it was meaningless.

apology is a good idea.

The constructive suggestions you are getting are spot on.

Apologise unequivocally (no 'just' anything).
Acknowledge his feelings, his hurt/shock and his honesty
Admit you realise your alcohol-driven behaviour is not on and needs to change.
Let him know you expect nothing from this message only that you felt he deserved an apology.

Please don't put I'd like to say I'm sorry.
It sounds as if you'd like to, but you're not going to. Also, I'm sorry 'if' I hurt you.

Neither are proper apologies, just going through the motions.

Don’t even bother to message. You’ve burnt that bridge. What you say now has no bearing if he has any sense. Focus on working towards your sobriety. If you can’t drink without becoming abusive work toward not drinking. At all. Otherwise no relationship will work out for you. Wish you good luck. Those who reach out and get help from professionals have higher chance of succeeding in abstaining long term.

I am an alcoholic in recovery. I think you should apologise, but keep it a bit shorter and do make it clear that you won’t contact him again,

I would think he’s already blocked you, I would have.

Also OP I think its great that you are trying to make amends and better late than never. I have no doubt this is all difficult for you so well done and best of luck xx

I received some very abusive messages from someone I had been dating, when he was drunk.
He did send me an apology a few days later and that did mean a lot to me, so I would send it.

I agree with @WateryDoom too, your message is too long and the "hiya" general tone sounds way too friendly and light-hearted for what I presume is an apology for some really nasty stuff.

Keep it short, don't contact him again, and get some help. I don't know about alcoholism but presumably if it turns you into an abuser then you need help and should stop entirely, good luck.

Literally what I was about to respond. No 'just'

I thought the same as a pp about the word apologise in your message.

Just have to apologise
just needed to apologise

but no actual apology at all.

"Hi. I wanted to apologise for my behaviour last week. I have a problem with alcohol and am taking steps to deal with it, but the behaviour was unacceptable and no reflection on you. I'm really sorry."
this is better than yours, op. This one doesnt shift the blame.

Yes I think it would be a good idea.

Best wishes with sobriety :)

This is how I would take it if I was him.
Like she wants to meet up this weekend even.

An apology text should be sent as soon as you’ve sobered up, not a week later.

Previous posters are correctly Op, part of recovery is apologising and owning up to your behaviours whilst drinking. The revised text that was suggested is better than your original one. Have you upset other friends or family that may also deserve an apology?

I speak from experience btw, I'm 7 years sober.

I do think you should text and apologise - but you should have done it days ago!

Make it short, draw a line under that incident then get some help

I'd message saying." I'm really sorry, I'm not nice when I drink. I'm taking steps to give up alcohol. Wishing you all the best." You need to find a local support group, and give up alcohol. Otherwise your life is always going to be one hot mess, you can do so much better for yourself.

I like that it is from the heart.

I notice the word 'apologise' though. Maybe tweak with 'truly sorry', and delete the mid ramble and replace with, 'ashamed at my uncalled for vile rant, you in no way at all deserved that.'
Not end with 'thanks', end with 'Again, so very sorry.'

Good luck with your journey.

I agree. Best message BY FAR!

I think your right to apologize. It's brave and vulnerable to own up to our mistakes and be accountable for our actions. Say your sorry, but with no expectations from him. Then concentrate on yourself and get it sorted. You can do this! All the best!

I think you should apologise but that message is quite long and self-centred/ pitying.

You just need to say something like, “I’m very sorry for all that I said, you are right I am an abusive drunk. Nothing I said was acceptable and I will be seeking help for my alcohol issues. Sorry again for the things I said and hurt I caused you. I won’t contact you again.”

Then delete his number, don’t contact him again and seek help for your alcoholism.

Nice wording. He can be pleased he had a positive impact on OP.

Everyone is different, me personally I would appreciate the text and you taking responsibility for how you acted, despite how long ago it was.

As someone who has lost a sister to alcoholism (43 when she died) and a brother who has dipped in and out over the last 30 years with it - you've taken the first step in acknowledging you have a problem and that's f*ckihg HARD. You can do this, it won't be easy, but you can do it ❤️

Yeah, me too.

It help stop him wondering if there was anything he did to trigger it. E.g. appearing weak.

"I am really sorry for the way I spoke to you the other day. When you called me an abusive drunk this really hit home and I'm going to stop drinking, go to AA and go to counselling so that I can learn how I ended up this way. No need to reply - I just wanted to apologise and to thank you for being so honest."