To send this text?

I see the moral majority are out in force today. Sanctimonious sods

OP, if you really are sorry send one of the shorter messages above and actually SAY that you're sorry. Don't explain or make excuses but keep it simple and to the point then leave him alone.

Good luck with getting help

No don't send the text. He's made it clear by not reaching out that you've hurt him and he's not interested.

Just focus on you and staying sober.
Drink can send me horrible sometimes so I choose not to drink haven't touched it in six years now.
You can do it op.

When you behave badly, you apologise . So of course you should apologise

My ex was in AA and reached out to me to say sorry. It took me a while to realise he’d only apologised because firstly he had to as part of the 12 steps but also it was for purely selfish reasons - so he wouldn’t feel guilt.

He didn’t do it to help me deal with what he did to me. So I guess be true to yourself on why you want to text him

• For yourself or
• For him

Fgs just leave him alone.

Just leave the person alone! Stop drinking your addiction is affecting other people! Nothing worst than an abusive drunk!

I’d leave it well alone. It sounds like you’ve done enough and he’s not bothered to message you since it happened. He’s probably trying to or has moved on.

Best of luck getting support for your drinking

Being sorry in the message is good.
Pointing out that what you said was baseless/wrong matters.
'Justifying' yourself is to be avoided.

The texts I sent to you were baseless/stupid/untrue and the sort of thing an abusive drunk would send. I am very sorry and won't be in touch again.

That's a very attention seeking text. It's fishing for him to reply 'oh no don't delete my number'.
If the apology is genuine, a quick 'I'm so sorry' will do.

I’m not sure I’d want to admit to having problems with alcohol over text or email. Particularly sending that message to someone that’s angry with me. Just leave it alone to be forgotten and working on helping yourself with your alcoholism.

I was on the receiving end of something similar many years ago. He did contact me to apologise and told me he was depressed and alcohol brought out a terrible side of him.

To be honest, I'm glad he did, as he said some really awful, hurtful and very personal things about me. The apology and explanation made it a bit easier to get past the nasty things he said.

We occasionally bump into each other now and we always stop and chat.

Best of luck with everything.

Those who are saying apologising is part of recovery... please reconsider when it comes to people you have historically harmed and have no contact with (rather than eg family members you still see). My friend received a message like this from her violent, alcoholic ex a few months ago (I know he's in AA so presume that's where it came from). It triggered her PTSD and threw her into a massive tailspin when previously she'd been doing so well in getting over it (and him).

Not saying all situations are like this but as I said above I've had several friends receive these messages and not in a single case did it make them feel better.

I think the message reads like it's minimising & also absolving yourself of the impact your abuse has.
'I Just...' and 'alcohol makes me...' is suggesting it's a little indiscretion & 'it's not me, it's the booze' plus the message is seeking he do all the active work in forgiving these things out of your control.
I'd say you need to acknowledge that you have been abusive & you're very sorry for all the terrible things you've said & how it's affected him.
Hold all the shit that you have to deal with yourself back. It will feel to the abused that it's sharing your excuses.

Send it, you are allowed to apologise.

I would say:

I am really sorry, what I said was completely unacceptable, I have an alcohol problem, I understand this isn't any form of excuse though, I need to work on myself before I hurt anyone else. I don't expect you to forgive me and I understand that you won't want anything to do with me. I am truly sorry though.

I wouldn't send any texts but I would do it verbally.... either on the phone, even if it goes to voicemail, or in person

As someone who has been where he is, I'm going to disagree with the people encouraging you to message him in any way, shape or form.

Please don't. Leaving him be and focusing on your recovery is the best thing for you, and for him.

Your ‘apology’ doesn’t actually say you’re sorry.
If you want to send an apology you need to at least include the word sorry. I’m afraid it does come across as me,me,me.

I think you should sent it.

You need to own your actions.

I think it’s good to send an apology (one of the reworked ones suggested here) and not block. He might want to have a voice and reply.

I agree with this, just apologise and the. Leave him alone.

Don't date again until you have dealt with your alcohol issue.

I hope he never has anything to do with you again.

Don't apologize, you don't really mean it. You know you do this, have abused others, and chose to put another person into the cross hairs of your abuse.

You are an abusive drunk. He was right. Acknowledge that.

Most abuse victims don't want an empty apology from someone who targeted them as their next victim of abuse.

OP I can understand why you want to tell this man sorry. The thing is, I think (even subconsciously) it's for your benefit rather than his.

This is part of the reason I don't like the AA ten step (or is it 12?) programme where people who have acted badly contact the people they've acted badly to. Over the years a few of my friends have received these 'making amends' messages from ex partners etc and it always either upset them or made them angry.

These messages were all years or at least months after the situation so brought back unwelcome memories. As this is so recent I would send the message but keep it far more succinct and more about him and just simply saying sorry than about your issues.

Good luck with staying sober OP x