To send this text?

Also - the very best of luck OP. Hope you have some support going forward.

I agree that your short message is better, but I think an apology seems like a good idea and may benefit both parties, no? So long as OP is clear that there will be no continued relationshp going forward.

Op I feel for you I really do.

The guilt and embarrassment that would be etched on my mum’s face post drunken behaviour.

but I tell you what op - the apologies get wearing after a while. And soon enough, even though I knew she meant it. It really meant bugger all.

She died 19 years ago when I was 25

I don't think self-flagellation is needed OP.

The key thing is that you have today recognised your alcohol problem turns you into an unpleasant person - it's called Demon Drink for a reason, it can turn a normally pleasant person into a monster.

what would be really poor show and counterproductive to your recovery is if you don't learn the lesson from this episode and keep repeating it with other people. You need to avoid alcohol and not kid yourself that you can handle a little bit, nope you just can't.

good luck, self awareness is a great attribute to have, keep hold of it as you recover.

That message is for your benefit and yours alone. He doesn't need to ever read it. It's truly awful.

All you can do is get help for your drinking and move in with your life.

Well done OP - it isn't about you 'getting' his forgiveness as a pp said... it's about him being given an apology which is due. That doesn't imply any reaction is owed at all, if it is given without expectation. I think even if he is still disgusted by the messages, he will be glad you did as giving it is more about acknowledging the unearned vitriol he was subjected to, than claiming any pity or forgiveness.

I think it's a good message. You're apologising for your bad behaviour, letting him know that's not who you are but have a drinking problem you're working on. Don't see anything wrong and if you ever bump into him at least he won't run to the other side of the road. I would get rid of the "I'll delete your number and won't pester you again" part as it's too personal. He's not going to get back with anyway or he may have blocked you so no need for the self deprecation. Keep things nice and simple. Don;t date in the meanwhile and go on therapy or 12 step program, you're not ready for dating.

I think an apology is fine, just keep it brief.

If you come down of the heady heights of your high horse mate, you’ll see that is what lots of people are saying.

Well done for being self aware of this issue. I think an apology is good. It’s part of the 12 step process, isn’t it?

good luck with your recovery. You’re not the only one who has this problem and at least you know.

Opinion is divided but I think you did the right thing. Good luck, stand in your own corner. Forgive yourself now regardless of his response or lack thereof. Xx

Please get help for your alcohol problem. Screenshot the unpleasant messages you sent to him when you were drunk so that you have a reminder about why you need to stop drinking.
He called you an abusive drunk and it sounds like that is what you are so you need to quit drinking alcohol at all.

I think it's fair to send him a brief apology but like others have said, leave out the bit about deleting his number etc.
If I were in his shoes (and I have been), it hurt more that I never got any form of apology.
Kudos to you for acknowledging that you have a problem and that it's your problem and for attempting to sort yourself out - you can do this x

I would add to this with

'I'm very sorry for my vile behavior which was unforgivable. I don't expect a reply/forgiveness from you I just wanted to apologise. I wish you good luck in your future'

or something to end thats more about him than the OP.

I think an apology would be good for you both. Well done on giving up and I wish you all the best for your recovery. Make sure you get lots of support

I agree with other posters, just leave the guy alone.

Your wish to apologise is about making you feel better, it won't make him feel better, it'll probably just remind him of the horrible experience. He doesn't have to forgive you, and you don't have the right to ask (and sending this text is asking for forgiveness, even if you don't expressly say that).

I actually think the message was fine

You would've lost me with "hiya, listen" ... way too chatty for someone apologising.

I'd take your apology only if you'd been sober for far longer. I bet you've apologised to others before then carried on. At the moment they're hollow words.
Good luck with your sobriety.

Don't send the text. Despite you saying you want to apologise, what you really want to do is explain that you're not really a nasty person.....but you are. OK you're at the first step of recognising it, but the apology wouldnt be for his benefit, it's for yours.
I'm pretty sure he's worked out you have issues, but he's not contacted you for an explanation .......because he doesn't want to. He's off. Leave him alone and anyone else. Your problems aren't halved by sharing, they're doubled. Sort your self out before you inflict your issues on anyone else!

Agree with all of this.

Well done on Day 3 @jillmoan .
You can do it ❤️

Which you were. If you haven't yet apologised I would do that. No dramatics, just a simple apology

I hope you do well in your plan of action op

I would send the message. If you were as vile as you think, acknowledging that and apologising is not unreasonable.

I would probably change the bit about deleting his number and not pestering him to something like not expecting a reply.

Please do get help for your alcoholism though.