To send this text?

Haven't read the full thread..but leave it..a few weeks he won't care and there's no investment..just leave it and learn from it..

If its a genuine apology its fair. But what about when you've heard the same apology 3 times? Or 4? Where do you draw the line?

Totally agree. Kind of shocked at the "don't send anything" brigade. If you have behaved shittily, you should apologize; isn't that basic? And given that the poor guy is probably thinking "what the heck did I do?" providing some detail about your situation seems quite reasonable. I don't see how not communicating at all is fairer on him than saying sorry.

You’ve had some great advice on wording your apology.

I wanted to add my good wishes and to say well done for acknowledging that you are nasty when you are drunk and mean to take steps to change. There are so many who don’t, they care more about their drinking than the impact that drinking has on others. I used to work in a Magistrates’ Court and alcohol has a LOT to answer for for violent and abusive behaviour (I bet 80% or more involved alcohol - shocking fact isn’t it?)

Ex friend of mine in the same situation ,no friends left ,i actually felt some of my previous feelings of anxiety reading op thread.

Same here. Ex friend of mine was an alcoholic, did something unforgiveable with my data (which she stole while she was in my home), then came round to my house to see if I was alright because she hadn't seen me for a while 'and was worried about me'. Banging on the door and shouting didn't work so she went into my back garden and hammered on the window.

are you an alcoholic? If not why would you be drinking if it turns you abusive?

Ex friend of mine in the same situation ,no friends left ,i actually felt some of my previous feelings of anxiety reading op thread.
If you really mean to address your addiction then do it , apart from the upset of receiving drunken abuse via phone ,text etc it also becomes rather tedious listening to yet another 'genuine' apology.

@MuserDame I liked your message.

OP you have texted him now, time to focus on a better future.

Get help with your alcohol issue. Go to AA. There are steps, and apologising is one of them, but you’re not there yet.

Good luck OP - I think there are sobriety support threads on here, if you want to find people on the same journey.

I don't see anything wrong in you saying that to say sorry @jillmoan .

If you really like him you could even get rid of the end bit.

Don't say you're deleting his number, just say you can understand if he wants no more to do with you, but you are going to work on the drinking issue.

I think people are being quite abusive themselves about your message, there’s nothing wrong with it, probably says more about them than you. Congratulations on your decision and conviction and all the best of luck to you in this.

I had to cut off a best friend AND a serious boyfriend both for this exact issue, which was heartbreaking. It's nice to get a message like that as it's respectful to the person. I'd just keep it really short, then get serious help for your drinking else it will completely ruin your life. Something like:

'I apologise deeply for my abusive, regrettable behaviour on our last date - you didn't deserve any of it, and I'm seeking help for my drinking. Wishing you the absolute best for the future.'

Good luck. It’s an ok message I’m sure it will be ok.

and you know what you have to do. I wish you well in your personal journey.

That isn’t an apology text. That’s a self piteous mouthful.

Actually say sorry.

Don't send this. It's typical apology from an alcoholic. Lots of good intentions.
Just send the first para of your original apology and an admission it's your fault. Good luck, OP

I've been on the receiving end of an abusive alcoholic. What I'd want to hear from you is this:
I want to sincerely apologise for the things I said. I'm an alcoholic and drinking distorts my perception of reality and I say things that are untrue. You are a good person who didn't deserve any of the abusive things I said. Please don't worry that I will message you again, I won't.

As a side note Reddit have a very good stop drinking community- better than any other I’ve seen (I’m in Al anon)

sending the message only sets to redeem your shame. Don’t send it. Keep that shame and use it as the fire to get you sober.don’t tell him you’re sorry. Show him (even if he never sees you again) Good luck.

What kind of stuff did you send?

does this make you want to stop drinking? (Not trying to be horrible. This is a genuine question. Friend of mine was an alcoholic which eventually broke our friendship and the rest of hers. She had no friends or family or children by the end of her drinking issues ). So I’ve been on the receiving end.

id forgave the first second or third time but eventually

Sort your drinking out, you are exactly what he said, an abusive drunk. Please go seek the help you need and deal with it.

I would send it but stop after … I need to deal with it. I’d close with ‘again I’m truly sorry’ and I wouldn’t include the ‘I’ll delete your number stuff. X

I think this is well worded, @jillmoan - I’d send @OhComeOnFFS’s message.

I was speaking to a man recently I’ve known of for years but didn’t know he had an alcohol problem , nicest man sober but drinks every single night and in a 3 week period was vile to me at night after a drink via text/calls and the next day apology’s meant fuck all, after a week I grasped he was an alcoholic and was quick to tell him how vile he was towards me and that I don’t have time for that and won’t tolerate it but I can honestly say I wouldn’t appreciate your text would find it manipulative and self centred and I would only want to receive it a very very long time after you had sobered up for good and If you aren’t going to sober up then just swallow your words because they are meaningless to your victims

I live with a regular drunk. He likes to be called a >high functioning alcoholic<.
Would an apology make any difference? No.
Should you send one anyway to make yourself feel better? No.
Write off this relationship. They will never forget the first time.
Be kind to yourself and seek help for your issues with alcohol, I promise they only ever get worse and will ruin your entire life.

I think your message is nice.

The real question here though, is why are you dating when you know you won't treat partners well?
It's abusive. If you know you have an addiction that makes others feel unhappy, then you absolutely shouldn't be dating - and you know it.

Get help. Stay single while you do it.