Mum keeps asking for money

Thats just kicking the can down the road until she is retired.
But really if she can't afford the upkeep now without a mortgage then she's going to struggle with the upkeep and a mortgage.

And once she retires she'll be back to the same boat.

Sorry - I meant release some equity by remortgaging (as she's still working)

Apart from asking for money she does sound quite a lot like my M.

I would prepare yourself for her behaviour getting a little worse once you start putting in boundaries. She's used to having full control and won't like that starting to slip.

Do t put up with it though. You don't have to put up with anyone's bad behaviour, especially a badly behaved parent who is demanding money from you.

What is she bringing to the DC's lives? You've said that she doesn't want to babysit, what does she do that they enjoy? Unless your DM is very different with your DC than she is with you I'm guessing that they wouldn't be missing out on much if they saw her a bit less.

I think you also need to read up on FOG (Fear, Obligation and Guilt).

Perhaps you need to sit down with your DM & do a full money assessment
Please do that Opie and report back to us, I bet she will sit there with a face like a slapped arse tutting and sighing...

Perhaps you need to sit down with your DM & do a full money assessment

How much she has coming in eg wages, pensions

How much all her bills are

Is there a shortfall ?

Can she sell any possessions ?

Can she access her private pension

Can she rent out a room

Can she claim any benefits like single person council tax discount, universal credit

There's nothing wrong with equity release, it's just a mortgage that gets paid off when you die. If you aren't bothered about leaving an inheritance to someone it's a good way to stay in your own home and have some cash. Interest rates are almost the same as mortgage rates and it's regulated by the FCA.

Stop giving your mother money. Downsizing or equity release are her only two options at this point.

Think of it like this; you are taking money from your own family to fund your mum who doesn't need it (as she should rightly sell)
Don't be a mug.

That's because you've been manipulated to feel like a subordinate who has to obey her. It's very difficult to override those feelings and the sense of duty and guilt which she has implanted in you, but for your own sake you need to try and look at it rationally and realise that she doesn't have any actual power over you.
The more times you say no to her the easier it will get and the more you will realize that she can't make you do anything that's not in your interests.

She doesn't have any power, she is asking YOU for money. I'd say you hold all the power here. She isn't even a great mum.

Yeah you need to look up FOG and come out the bugger. The first time standing your ground is the hardest, it gets easier though and is very freeing.

Echoing what everyone has said.
Tell her you can't afford to help and that if she sold the house and bought a lovely one bedroom flat she'd have loads of spare money and a higher quality of life.

Be the broken record, you can't afford to give her money. You don't have it to spare

What!!! I'm early 60's too and have recently downsized to a small manageable house with a courtyard garden. I didn't ask DS for any help either. In fact I gave him a deposit for a house out of that money.
I work full time.
I think its time to tell her she is being ridiculous and she needs to downsize now before she retires and get her ducks in a row.
That house will just slowly rot, fall to bits and she'll be living there aged 90 or whatever with no spare money.
I work partially on the district and sadly see many elderly people doing this and ending up in leaky houses needing full renovation which they can't sell unless its at auction.
Tell her your children need the money more than she does and please can she stop asking.

She doesn't like being told no or not getting her own way
Too bad, what's she going to do, send you to bec without any pudding? Stop your pocket money?
She has no power over you.

Ignore the guilt tripping and employ the broken record technique sorry mum I can't afford it and you've got lots of equity in the house that you could release if you were to downsize.
If it was me I would have responded by asking her for money long ago ..... see how she likes them apples

https://www.gov.uk/check-national-insurance-record

https://www.gov.uk/check-state-pension

Ýour DM should get her property valued by 3 estate agents
Ask how much costs would be for solicitor, moving van, estate agent fees
Then she could look for somewhere smaller

She could release some money to live on

It would be better for her to move now in her 60s, rather than have to move in her 80s

Secondly, at 66 or 67 will she receive a full state pension, she should check here & does she have any other private pension ?

That's so awful. Daytime TV is filled with adverts of smiley people all recommending equity release. I think they do trade on most older people being too proud to discuss it with family too.

OP you've had some really good advice on here.

If you don't want to rock the boat before the wedding I'd suggest avoiding her as much as possible before then and if she does ask, just be honest and say that your mortgage has just gone up by £1000 and you could do with some help yourself, smile and change the subject.

After the Wedding I'd do these things on rotation each time she asks:

Tell her how much your mortgage has gone up by.

Suggest she rents out some rooms.

Suggest she sells up and moves.

Ask her for some money.

And just keep repeating one of them each time she asks until she stops asking.

If she gets nasty with you, just leave. This is one of the reasons that I only usually see my M at her home, it's so that I can leave if she starts getting nasty.

Any money you have should be going to your future and the safety of your family and home.

I'm really glad this has given you the confidence to speak up
At 63 and still working.. simply has no shame!
I'm 58, disabled and moved into a small GF flat purely so I could manage.
As I said upthread, I would never even think of asking my DC to fund my life choices

Yes please don't suggest equity release. I'm fairly convinced that my Mum has done it, and doesn't understand that it's essentially a very high interest rate mortgage and you just pay all the interest charges at the end rather than throughout.
DD has just a house from an elderly couple that had done this and it held the sale up for nearly 4 months as it was so complicated for the solicitors to sort.