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AIBU?

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Original poster

A work / DH one

37 replies

Grenoble124 · 20/06/2023 22:16

Hi looking for some perspective please.

We have 3 DCs. DS is 7 and twin DDs 3.

DH and I are the exact same grade although I am higher up the scale and earn more if I work ft.

I am currently able to finish early and shorten the day in nursery as a result without any financial implication. My mil takes DS after school and is paid for this.

I take every Friday off unpaid. The twins are in nursery (free hours) until 12.

All finances are pooled. I had a substantial inheritance which went into house extension ans renovation.

I have done some sums and worked out that from September I would be financially better off to finish at 3 and collect my son myself. The thing is my DH doesn't want me to continue to take the Friday off. I could theoretically squeeze in a half day when the twins are in creche but why should I?

His attitude is that any child free hours not working are doss hours as he put it. And it's pissed me right off.

I have always wanted to reduce my hours and have that work life balance. My job is senior and demanding.

Ultimately as he said I will do what I want but it would be nice to have his support in this. In both scenarios I would still be better off than paying my mil to mind my son.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Grenoble124 · 20/06/2023 22:35

He has mentioned pension a few times.

OP posts:
Original poster
Grenoble124 · 20/06/2023 22:34

I do a lot of the childcare stuff, lunches, uniforms, every single dinner always.

Keeping in mind we both technically work the same Mon - Thursday but I have my boss' blessing to log off early. I am often responding to emails on my phone though.

He is good at the football, other activities with my son, usually dog walking, grass cutting. He does a fair bit but I do more.

OP posts:
Dressydress · 20/06/2023 22:33

I think to be fair you could use a little bit of that time to do some chores. Not all. Or to get on top of everything then use some time as leisure and a bit for chores.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 20/06/2023 22:32

I think broadly in a couple, they should both get the same leisure time. Or if one person drops hours, then the other can as well (or the other get proportionately more 'fun money'). So it depends to me what you're doing to do with that time. For example taking it as leisure time, whilst telling him he can't drop his financial contribution to the household (so he can't drop his hours) feels a bit unfair. But if youd be looking after kids / catching up on housework, or taking leisure time but perfectly ok with him doing the same, then that's fair.

Ultimately though I'd be discussing pension and retirement implications with my partner as I think it's good to be on the same page in terms of the 'work now, save as much into pension as possible and retire early' vs 'work life balance and spending time with the kids' debte

Hankunamatata · 20/06/2023 22:32

Have a discussion with him. Why is does he want you to work Friday? Does he want to reduce hours too? Pension implications? Is he worried mil will be put out

LiarLiarKnickersAblaze · 20/06/2023 22:32

He needs to understand that it's important time for you and if you can afford it, go for it. I have non working days every other week and they are great for balancing out the business of work and parenting. They inevitably get filled with a mixture of life and work admin with stuff for me filtered in. Flies by, but I hit the weekend significantly less frazzled.

DH used to respond like that if he was jealous.

Original poster
Grenoble124 · 20/06/2023 22:31

He absolutely doesn't want to drop his hours. His Mum is getting on and it might be too much for her.

I do the food shop online but honestly we can't keep on top of the house. I said I will get a cleaner but squeezing in hours to pay a cleaner seems off to me.

A further bit of info is that from the following Sept my twins will be in school til 2. Then it would probably make sense to do 9-2 the five days. But even so I wonder why.

We moved out of the city for quality of life. Both work remotely most of the time.

OP posts:
Dressydress · 20/06/2023 22:28

How's the life admin and chores split? Do you do the majority or is it fair?

Hiddiddleyho · 20/06/2023 22:26

Either he's jealous that you'll get more doss hours than him, or he doesn't value any contributions to home life other than financial, eg cleaning, food shop, which is old fashioned imo.

Hiddiddleyho · 20/06/2023 22:25

I am in favour of a 4 day week for everyone, so if you can get it then do it. Is your h jealous on some level?

NoSquirrels · 20/06/2023 22:23

Is he annoyed because you’ll have more leisure time than him? Does he want to spend more time with the DC and drop his working hours to accommodate this?

Or is he anticipating getting grief from his mum about you making her redundant from her childcare duties?

Original poster
Grenoble124 · 20/06/2023 22:21

So is he being unreasonable or am I?

OP posts:
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