I’ve been with my BF 5 years and lived together for almost 3. He moved in due to the lockdown and by the time it was over we we bought our first house together. When the lockdown eased we switched between my family home and his before moving out. It meant we got to know each others families pretty well and got really close.
I really feel as though I am part of their family, as he is with mine. Everyone celebrates everyone’s achievements, birthdays etc. it’s been amazing and I wouldn’t change that aspect but…
Christmas this year was planned to the hour so we could be as fair as possible between all our family. All our siblings, parents, grandparents etc. long story short, last minute changes from MIL meant that they missed out on some of our time. Everything seemed fine at the time so I didn’t think much of it. Had a great Christmas and everyone got on fine.
Anyway, a couple of times in January there were a few comments from her that I didn’t appreciate, e.g. ‘we get you guys next Christmas’ and ‘I can’t wait for our turn to have you all day next year’. She even suggested going abroad as a family for Christmas. I didn’t really think about it as I realise it’s 11 months away.
since then there has been the odd snarky comment. All about how we spend so much more time with my family than his, how we get more excited to see them, how we get them better birthday presents. She has also spoken to extended family members about how disappointed she was over the XMAS issue. I don’t think any of this is true. We stick to budgets and eat dinner once a fortnight with each family. We may be more excited to spend time with my family, but that’s only because my sister lives far away and she often travels down to see us.
now it’s Father’s Day coming up and the obvious thing is for me to spend it with my Dad, and BF to spend it with his. MIL has booked a day out in London including expensive tickets for activities, and has included me in the booking, without asking first. I told her that I would speak to my Dad and see what his plans are and that I was very grateful, however I thought it was assumed that I would not be available that day because I’d be with my own Dad. She told me that my family got me on Christmas, so they get me on Sunday.
BF is obviously on my side with this, and has confronted her saying that it was her own fault for booking without asking me first, and to stop using Christmas as an excuse, but they got in a pretty heated argument. They are now not speaking, and BF has said that he will plan his own thing for his Dad to celebrate Father’s Day, but I can’t help but feel awful. He has 2 little siblings who were looking forward to it, and his dad is the one meant to be celebrated, not punished for his wife’s behaviour??
should I just suck it up and go?? Apologise and make different plans for my dad (who is amazing and laid back and understands the predicament and told me to do whatever I think is best)?? Tell BF that he’s being unreasonable?? AIBU??