Comments about hand me downs

I'd stop giving them anything as they don't need them and are so bloody rude.

I didn't say they could demand them, I just said what I would do, which is what everyone else on this thread is doing.

I didn't say she was owed them, I just said even though she can afford new it doesn't mean she'd prefer to use second hand, in response to OP saying she has the money to buy new.

My main concern is getting the clothes out of my house, so I'd just text SIL that you're getting rid of a load of size 8-9 clothes does she want them.

Who cares if they're cluttering up her attic.

This. If she wants to store them then win win. Give her first refusal. But say you have them now or they go to charity because of storage space et ..
I applaud your approach to 2nd use of garments

If they want to source second hand clothes they are free to do that, they can’t demand them. It sounds like the clothes are being passed onto someone who is able to use them quickly so it’s not like they are being wasted. Clothes that have been stored for several years tend to have a musty smell that is difficult to get rid of.

Grabby and ungrateful bunch! Give them nothing more going forward.

Ignore and continue doing what you are doing as they are fucking unreasonable.

I got clothes given to me from friends and neighbours but none from my family because of the age gap between my DD and any of her female cousins. (There is a 6 year age as minimum.) In fact one of my brothers, with an older daughter, thought it was hilarious when his wife wanted to hunt in their attic to see if there were any clothes she could give us.

They aren’t “opting” for second hand though, they are expecting OPs clothes for free.
Just because you don’t want to buy clothes doesn’t mean you are owed them from anyone else.

I’d stop giving them everything, tbh. That’s fair then

she’s made a few sharp comments and so has her daughter and also my bil about how her daughter doesn’t get anything etc

I wouldn’t give any clothes away to people making ‘sharp’ comments to me!!

I would be putting the whole lot on Vinted (provided that the clothes are in a. good enough condition) and not giving them anything.

she’s made a few sharp comments and so has her daughter and also my bil about how her daughter doesn’t get anything etc.

the cheek! I would just stop giving them anything.

Their financial situation is irrelevant, even if they were broke they could still have some manners and be grateful.

I would just give them first refusal, irrespective of size. If they want them, they can store them for 6 years, and if they decline it's their own doing when they don't have the hand me downs.

It is a funny situation though. You can't pick your family can you. 🙃

I wouldn’t give them anything at all, going forward.

Or you could be really petty and start giving all your DDs clothes straight away and not giving anymore boys clothes 😁

All the people saying give her the clothes straight away.... for me she would be getting nothing else for being so grabby and rude!

I can’t hold on to clothes for 6 years + and I can’t imagine they want me to give them things that are massively too big.

They are being absolutely ridiculous to make a thing of this. But I get rid of clothes my youngest DD grows out of as soon as possible so if I had people will to take it I'd love that that made it easier. I'd give them the too big clothes if they want them.

I take this view too.

How ungrateful! I would stop giving them anything.

Well I am sort of in your sil's position, though I'm not too entitled about it I hope! I don't think it's absurd to be taking hand me downs that are years too big - we just pack them into vacuum bags and put them on top of the wardrobe. About 80% of my DD1's wardrobe is hand me downs from my sister (who has 2 dds so they're already 3rd hand). The time for them to fit rolls around pretty quickly!

In our family we do have a general policy that another family member gets first dibs on things being given away, over a friend or charity shop. For us it's just part of being in our family community. We're quite well off but don't see the point of buying new if there are perfectly good clothes from my sister, and we help them out in other ways so this is a way for her to help us without it actually costing anything.

They are being grabby and rude!
With my son I got loads given to me for him and I was extremely grateful with my daughter barely anything because by the time I had her my friends daughters were all a lot older.
I have 1 friend with a child a year older and she sells her daughters clothes on vinted and Facebook, I presume because she bought them and they are hers to do what she wants with them.
I would never expect anyone to give me anything, lovely bonus if they do.
On principle they'd have nothing else off me.

That’s a really odd comment, as if they feel entitled to all your children’s clothes and are complaining that they only get some not all!

I’d start selling them as bundles on eBay/vinted personally and put the money towards the next size of clothes. Problem solved.

You are being kind and thoughtful to pass on clothes to any of her children! She is being very grabby expecting you to give things to all of them, especially with the age/size difference between your DDs you mention.

I would stop giving them anything. If they ask, say you have a friend going through a hard time and as they are obviously doing ok for themselves, you knew they wouldn't mind your DS' clothes going to them instead.
I wouldn't lie, I'd be upfront and tell them it's the only way to make it fair for both children as they were concerned about fairness.