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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be quite peed off?

64 replies

PrincessP3ach · 15/06/2023 17:34

Hi,

NC for this, just really wanted a rant, abit of advice on this issue and some views from others to see if I've overreacted. Ive had no issues like this with DP before and I'm very confused why in the run up to us doing something nice that he's decided to act like this.

Ive been with DP for 1.5 years. We have a holiday booked for Saturday. I paid for the holiday- hotel, trains, attractions etc. We both work but have had to budget abit this month for the holiday expenses on top of bills etc and both have had time off since monday to obviously get organised for going away. We have a family member staying in the house whilst we are away, so also incorporate housework into the week too so it looks presentable for the person to stay over.

The issue is DP has really pissed me off this week. Here's just some of them for reference...

•Since Monday he's gone out for hours and left me to pick up the slack (washing,housework, sorting everything out, packing, etc), hes mainly been at his mums "sunbathing" and clearly drinking.

•DP was expecting some money to come through this morning (not a great amount, around £300 but would of helped to relieve full expenses from me next week) went out this mums at 8am and was supposed to be an hour. I popped out at 1.30pm and came back at 3.45 to £12 on the table, with a note saying it was for a takeaway tonight for me as he was away out, bags of cloths from his mums which I'm assuming is the holiday stuff he wants to pack and his bank card gone...

•We also had about £50 in change put away which was to cover us for any last minute bits and pieces to pick up for the holiday if needed and for a takeaway tomorrow to save on dishes, I went for it today and noticed there £10 left. He wasn't in when I discovered this so I just put the remainder in my purse and popped to my mums for something. When I came back and after noticing the above point I checked my purse which was on the table to see the £10 and whatever loose change I had was gone.

He popped home about 30 minutes ago as he had forgot his charger, picked it up and was about to leave, he was already clearly drunk. I just saw red and had a rant at him about how selfish he is and asked why he's left me to do everything and pay for everything whilst he's passing his money up the wall, not to mention stealing and using my money and whatever was left aside for last minute expenses. His response was that I'm just pissed off that he had a couple of beers, it will only take him 5 minutes to pack his stuff and there's all day tomorrow to get everything done and the house in order. Apparently I'm unreasonable and out of order. He's now stormed out saying if I don't collect him tonight then he will either be back tomorrow morning and if im still like this, he probably won't be coming on holiday at all then.

OP posts:
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pimplebum · 16/06/2023 16:02

Does he have a drink problem or a budgeting / money problem ?

I've never taken days off for packing

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/06/2023 23:22

Ditch him , change the locks, go with a mate. Or alone! Solo holidays are great.

Dont fall into the trap of staying in bad relationship because a holiday is planned. It’ll just be a bad holiday.

GottaGirlcrush · 15/06/2023 23:13

You say this is first issue op?

TreesandFish · 15/06/2023 22:18

He sounds like a total waste of space. Do you really want a cocklodger in your life?

Nandocushion · 15/06/2023 21:32

It sounds like you've been making plans with an imaginary person you don't even date. You talk about getting ready, spending time together, talking about things you'd like to do on the holiday etc. Meanwhile, the man you actually are dating is stealing your money and getting pissed, and shows no interest in your relationship at all except for the part of it that funds him.

Royalbloo · 15/06/2023 20:30

Take the key back and take a friend, he honestly sounds awful!

EnjoyingTheSilence · 15/06/2023 20:03

Actually change the locks first!

EnjoyingTheSilence · 15/06/2023 20:02

Take his clothes back to his mums, change the lock, let the relative know he’s not allowed back in the house, have a lovely holiday.

He’s stolen from you and is taking the piss. If he makes out that you’re the problem and doesn’t spend the next few days apologising and making it up to you, he’s a tosser and you’re well rid. If he does, maybe think about if you want to move forwards with boundaries in place.

Raise your bar, know your worth.

Houseofpainjumparound · 15/06/2023 19:49

Can I hazard a guess that his reduced hours is because of the drinking ..

If you want to stay with him it sounds like he needs help with drinking and whatever has driven him to it ..

However, stealing, the discomtempt for you and the lack of understanding of your needs before travelling I would change the locks and go away without him. Tell him you need space and time to think. Block him while you are away so he can't contact you and truly evaluate if you want to stay with him.

GracePalmer33 · 15/06/2023 19:42

He's a complete scrounging waste of space? He took money out of your purse and is contributing nothing? Wtf. Why are you with him?

quietnightmare · 15/06/2023 19:37

Sunbathing at his mums 🤣

Get rid. He is a loser

How old is he?

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 15/06/2023 19:36

How long has he had a key to your home?
Are you sure he only has one? If so, can't you take it off him?
If this isn't possible, can you change the lock?
Ideally before you go on holiday

The threatening not to come flouncing sounds v suspicious. If he doesn't go with you, can you actually trust him not to steal more from your home while you're away?!

Bovrilla · 15/06/2023 19:33

Sod that and sod him.

Go with a mate and ditch the loser.

Lacucuracha · 15/06/2023 19:33

God this is depressing. Please just dump him, OP.

Campervangirl · 15/06/2023 19:31

Put his stuff outside the door, he's taking you for a ride, you're paying to take him on holiday, he's not paying his way or contributing to staying at your house, he's moving into your home by stealth and he's stealing from you.
Wake up chick, bin him off.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Go away on your own or ask a friend to go with you

Natty13 · 15/06/2023 19:28

You are an absolute fool if you stay with this lazy thief.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 15/06/2023 19:26

Taking 50 quid out of your purse is inexcusable

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 15/06/2023 19:25

Get the locks changed, drop his stuff over to his mum, go on holiday and have a great time without him!

This! Take someone else if you can. I wouldn't even bother discussing any if this your wasting your time completely. He's a theiving cocklodging cunt who has no respect for you whatsoever and you will be utterly wasting your breath trying to reason with him. Go alone or with a friend and have a wonderful time. I had a similar situation and was really angry and upset on the way down and when I got to the hotel but after a nice bath and a good night's sleep I felt better and was ultimately glad I'd ditched him and not taken him.

Quitelikeit · 15/06/2023 19:23

He stole from you? Wow

Honestly he is literally shameless and has no respect for you

Why doesn’t he invite you to where he is going?

I doubt he has money for spends if he has stolen money from you to buy beer

Motnight · 15/06/2023 19:23

He is at the very least a thief and possibly unfaithful as well.

Whatthediddlyfeck · 15/06/2023 19:19

He took money from your purse? I’ve been with my dh 30 years, married 27, all finances in 1 pot and he wouldn’t take money from my purse and I wouldn’t take it from his wallet!

BadBarry · 15/06/2023 19:18

Well he needs to return the money he took plus discuss how much spending money he is taking.
While away only pay your half for anything, do not pay his share!
As you seem to have funded the whole thing I'd like to think he would be least doing his half if not treating you while away.
Depending on how the holiday and future shared meals etc go I'd be considering if having a cock lodger for a partner was for me.
Hope you have a lovely holiday but yes he's acting like a dick especially if he's just spent all that extra money he was getting on drink.

Createausername1970 · 15/06/2023 19:18

I am still trying to work out if you have taken a week off work to get ready for a holiday? I thought I was OTT by sometimes taking the Friday off if we were going on the Saturday.

But, as far as DP is concerned, he is stealing from you. You need to finish with him and change the locks.

Cakeorchocolate · 15/06/2023 19:13

This is one of those where I'm 😳😮that 10% think yabu.

YANBU. I'd be ditching him and going solo. He sounds like a waste of time, space and effort!

idliketogetdownnow · 15/06/2023 19:13

Oh my god. Red flags all over the place. Dump him and go on the trip alone.

A partner who steals from you is the lowest of the low. It shows such utter disrespect and ingratitude. I don't see how you can recover from that.