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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this rude?

30 replies

Maybehotandbothered · 15/06/2023 11:42

I may well just be in a bad mood as I often am! But every time it's one of the dcs birthday. Dhs side of the family tell dh to come and collect their card/present.

For info we don't live nearby and we see his parents around once a month. When it's one of their birthdays we make sure that we go over and get their presents to them but we are just told the present is here come and collect it.

We both work full time and are very busy, we do drive and they drive too and they are retired.

Same thing happens with Christmas presents. They ask what the dc want then tell us to go and buy it and they'll give us the money 🤷‍♀️ it isn't just his parents who do this but siblings too.

OP posts:
Febreezefantastic · 15/06/2023 12:09

YANBU at all.

I would wait until I have to go and visit them for something else
"thank you so much for the present, how lovely of you, we will collect when we come next, children will be over the moon" that kind of nonsense

Collaborate · 15/06/2023 12:08

Invite them over when it's the next child's birthday. Then it's up to them to bring the present. By making a special trip there you are enabling them. Perhaps they are waiting for an invite?

Backtoreality1 · 15/06/2023 11:54

I think I'd just respond with 'well, you can give it to them in person next time they see you.' That way the onus is on them as to whether they miss the birthday or not. I never know what to get for my nephew and niece so ask for ideas and specific links so that I know I am getting the right thing. However, I wouldn't ask the parent to buy the gift....thats a step too far.

MyFaceIsAnAONB · 15/06/2023 11:46

No you’re not ungrateful. It’s the thought that counts and they’re showing no thought whatsoever.

FIL is the same; you send suggestions (he should really already know what his grandchildren are interested in….) and he comes back wanting an exact link. Then it’s ‘ok you buy it and I’ll give you the money’…. So actually zero effort put in whatsoever!

You're not ungrateful, you have some standards.

Original poster
Maybehotandbothered · 15/06/2023 11:44

Probably going to be told I'm being ungrateful but I feel dh and I are really taken for granted in many ways and treated like the poor relatives/black sheep and it pees me off.

OP posts: