Is this rude?

My partners parents do this.

We have now started saying we are busy and they will have to drop it over.

When it's one of their birthdays we make sure that we go over and get their presents to them but we are just told the present is here come and collect it.

DSis used to do this. So on DDs birthday a few years ago we decided that we were so busy that we couldn't go over (4 hour return trip). She reminded us multiple times, but I replied that we were extremely busy and would come when we could. She then began to feel bad DD hadnt gotten a gift from her and everyone else received their thank you cards but her and the tone changed slightly to concern. She complained (to several people apparently) to DB about the situation when she saw his thank you note and he told her to stop being lazy and was amazed we collected the gifts as he wouldnt dream of doing that to anyone. Shes never done it since and now brings them or gives them in advance when we see her.

My mum is like this. Will say she has a gift for DC but if we don't go within like a day she "loses it" or she'll say she's instead put it away for next year. She got DH and me an anniversary card once. As we didn't collect it on the day of our anniversary (we were away) she told us she'd put it away for next year instead. We saw her the day before and after our anniversary but it wasn't good enough for her. Some other family member sent us a gift for our DD when she was born and sent it to my mum's house. My mum wouldn't give us the gift until she met the baby. Baby was in neonatal ward for 6 weeks but apparently that wasn't good enough. Still haven't got that gift and DD is now 11 weeks and been out of hospital 5 weeks😂Mum gaslit us and said she already gave us the gift.

Lazy. Have they not heard of Royal Mail/DPD/insert half a dozen others?

The money thing is particularly rude, they just can’t be bothered.

Send them a text with your address. “We work full time. This is where we live. You’re welcome to drop in for a coffee.”

Yeah just say you'll collect it when you next see them. I assume DC have enough from you/other relatives and won't be upset by receiving their presents a bit later on?

It is rude.

I'd do as @Backtoreality1 has suggested. Reply with "Oh that's lovely. You can give it to them the next time you come to see them".

Using the wording in @Backtoreality1's post, it leaves it open to them holding on to the gift until the next time you go to visit them.

I'd give the visits a bit of a summer break and if they ask (which unfortunately I suspect they won't) you can extend an invite for a BBQ or dinner or something and say to them "Oh don't forget to bring X's present with you when you're coming".

"ooh, brilliant. DS loves a birthday that lasts for weeks. We'll collect those when we see you next month."

Then they are both dumb as well as lazy.

"We'd love to catch up and bring the gifts, what time works for us to visit?"

Is that really so fucking hard?

Agree with other posters, "how lovely. The DC will love to receive those next time they see you."

I see you the "you must think of all the ideas for Christmas presents, and buy them" and raise you "and we're only going to broach the topic 3 days before".

Now, they mostly do the buying themselves (or rather, SIL is made to do it all for them but that's a different conversation) but I get increasingly irritated messages and calls if I can't come up with 5 things on 22 December. Drives me absolutely potty. DS now prefers money which is great - they just hand him an envelope of cash and I am much less stressed.

I don't see a problem with asking for links (in typical Mumsnet fashion, I see many posts berating relatives for NOT asking for links!) but I wouldn't go specially to collect presents. If you see them once a month, can't you coordinate that visit to be round about the birthday? "Oh, we're seeing you on Thursday anyway-Little Jeremy can have it then, and you can watch him opening it."
I have bought presents before, but we have plenty of relations that live a distance away, so I don't mind that, so long as I get the money. (Looking at you-Auntie Carolyn!)

In fairness my dcs GP did this. But they lived 400 miles away, were elderly and relied solely on public transport.
butnit is how they do it that counts
my MIL would call me at least a month before birthday. She’d discuss what type of things she’d beeen thinking about for birthday, asking me or her son for feedback. She’d make a decision and ask us to buy it and wrap it. This also saved on post. I’d take a picture of it when purchased and wrapped and send to her. She’d put a cheque in post immediately and send me a nice old fashioned note let with it to thank me for my help in organising.
they’d also send card with pocket money , not only to child who’s birthday it was, but to the non birthday child so they didn’t feel they were missing out 🤷🏼‍♀️🤣🤷🏼‍♀️🤣🤣. One of her quirks , I don’t think she got what to do on siblings birthdays as her son was an only child 🤣
so, it’s fine if it’s a logistic thing to help out parents or relatives that would otherwise find it difficult to get an actual gift, but it is how it is done

Just pick them up next time you're there

One year, my friend's mum and aunt came round before Christmas and went through all the gifts she had bought for her dc, and took away the ones they wanted to give them - so my friend had to think of more things her dc might like, and then go and shop for them!

@Maybehotandbothered - I don't think you are being at all unreasonable - dh and I live a long way from many of our family and friends - including ds1, his wife and our granddaughter - and it is our responsibility to get their cards and gifts to them - not the other way around.

Given how many companies there are who will deliver directly to the recipient, and may well gift wrap and include a card (for a small extra charge), it is beyond lazy not to get a gift to someone and to expect them to make a big trip to collect it.

I have that as well! It drives me crazy. Fair enough ask for ideas but then when I give them the grandparents say "ok well you pick one, order it and I'll send you the money 😡.

Start saying no; if your dh has nothing better to do then he can do it but you don’t have to accommodate this nonsense

assuming they are adults, maybe they shouldnt be hinting...

oh fuck that, i'm exhausted just reading it!

send a present, dont sent a present, deliver or don't - but do your own fucking legwork!

No YANBU. They're being lazy. Why should you have to go on a tour every birthday and Christmas to collect presents? Tell them you'll get them next time you see them and don't get DS's hopes up about the presents if you don't want to see them again until Christmas.
I'd stop delivering their gifts, too and just take them when you usually visit or get them to pick up. They're used to you operating a delivery and collection service at your time and expense so drop the rope.

We have a relative that gives a cheque in January with everyones birthday money in, so instead of remembering when your birthday is, they dont

I was told (when I posted before) you should be grateful - no, i'd rather not have it thanks

Maybe it’s a hint they want to see their son and grandchildren more often?

true,

but good grief, imagine having to invite the in-laws for every child's birthday or event! Who's got time or energy for that.