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AIBU?

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Original poster

Work Leaving do

58 replies

thanksroyalmaill · 15/06/2023 02:45

I have been promoted in my company and will join my dream office which I’m relieved about. My current workplace is extremely toxic and honestly I can’t wait to see the back of the majority of people there again! Unfortunately as I’m remaining in the company in a senior leadership role, our paths could cross in the future.

I’m struggling with whether to have a leaving do or not. It’s the norm to send a whole office invite but a lot of people have said they won’t go if X or Y goes or only will go if I also invite their mates from other offices and tbh, it all feels immature. Also I don’t know where to book for the 30+ people who indicated they want to go as it’s a Friday evening.

ideally I’d do a smaller leaving do at a nice restaurant and cherry pick who’s invited - Aibu? ultimately some people who assume they’re getting an invite won’t, cause I just want a relaxing night without any drama. But I’m conscious of leaving people out.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 15/06/2023 04:55

thanksroyalmaill · 15/06/2023 04:48

Without outing my sector, it’s normal for people to move to different departments. 3 managers on same level did the same this year and had send offs so it’s not unusual for the circumstances.

I want to celebrate with the people I‘ll miss. This is where the conflict comes in.

The high turnover is an indication of what the atmosphere is like. It’s a large office with around 100 staff. I wouldn’t say I dislike everyone there, I’m cordial with everyone but have to constantly tolerate rudeness, bullying is rife etc. this is why people are saying they don’t want to go if others are.

There are people there that I like though. Ideally I’d invite around 25 people out of the 100 we work with. Would that still be problematic?

I think it is appalling that a senior leader would invite 25 out of 100 people to a do. What message do you think that sends? I would think a toxic workplace if this is how I saw senior leaders behave. Just skip the leaving do if this is the best you can do.

Someoneonlyyouknow · 15/06/2023 04:50

Seems odd to have to organise your own leaving do? You obviously want people to make some kind of a fuss over you though so invite everyone and assume those you don't like feel the same way and won't come. If you're 'senior leadership' act like a grown up and just ignore petty office politics. Your real friends will come along despite who else is or isn't going. Is there not a nearby pub commonly used for leaving drinks?

Original poster
thanksroyalmaill · 15/06/2023 04:48

Without outing my sector, it’s normal for people to move to different departments. 3 managers on same level did the same this year and had send offs so it’s not unusual for the circumstances.

I want to celebrate with the people I‘ll miss. This is where the conflict comes in.

The high turnover is an indication of what the atmosphere is like. It’s a large office with around 100 staff. I wouldn’t say I dislike everyone there, I’m cordial with everyone but have to constantly tolerate rudeness, bullying is rife etc. this is why people are saying they don’t want to go if others are.

There are people there that I like though. Ideally I’d invite around 25 people out of the 100 we work with. Would that still be problematic?

OP posts:
JandalsAlways · 15/06/2023 04:40

I hate these with awkward speeches and the morning teas. I never have them, instead I always have an open invite after work at a local bar/pub

Aprilx · 15/06/2023 04:11

thanksroyalmaill · 15/06/2023 03:16

ooo good one. I want to do something on my last day though -I’ve been there for years and want a decent send off after everything I’ve dealt with! I just don’t want to invite the people I’m trying to get away from. Bloody office politics.

I think a leaving do when you are changing office or department or whatever sounds bit unnecessary. It also seems odd that you want a “send off” when you don’t seem to like the people you currently work with. If you really must do something, then cherry picking the people you like best when you are a senior leader seems very inappropriate.

GnomeDePlume · 15/06/2023 03:45

You are leaving the office rather than the business - some cakes/fruit (I always do fruit as well) is plenty in most places I have worked.

Catch up with the people you liked later on.

I'm not big on leaving dos. My last one, I walked out of the office with my boss, said our good byes in the carpark and that was it after 8/9 years and I was actually leaving the company.

Original poster
thanksroyalmaill · 15/06/2023 03:16

ooo good one. I want to do something on my last day though -I’ve been there for years and want a decent send off after everything I’ve dealt with! I just don’t want to invite the people I’m trying to get away from. Bloody office politics.

OP posts:
Mallysmum · 15/06/2023 03:08

As you're in the same company just don't have one as you're not 'leaving' and you're superstitious...

You could always plan a catch up with the ones you like at a later date.