DD upset- how to help?

30 replies

Eelsinealing · 15/06/2023 00:17

DD has just received her university exam results. She received an upper second class honours degree. She has worked so hard for it and words simply cannot explain how incredibly proud we are of her.

However, she is disappointed with her results. She had her heart completely set on a first class degree and worked as hard as she absolutely could have. I could see it in her eyes that she was bitterly disappointed in herself but tried so hard to remain composed and happy for her friends who achieved their first class degrees.

She has always performed well academically. All we ever asked was that she tried her best and she did every single time. She achieved top marks in her GCSEs and A Levels and has worked hard every step of the way.

She performed very well in her first year of university. However she was very physically unwell during her second and third year. She had to juggle various appointments, tests, treatments and all sorts with her university work. We reminded her that she could take some time out to focus on her health but she was determined to complete her degree and not let her health get in her way. It also provided her a distraction and something positive to focus on. She completed some of her deadlines online whilst admitted very unwell, and had to deal with very last minute medical problems and emergency appointments when she had tutorials and other coursework due. Somehow she juggled it like every other student and completed her degree.

I believe that it impacted her performance, however realistically we will never know if she would have ever got a first or not even if she hadn’t been unwell. And it doesn’t matter. She tried her best under extremely challenging circumstances and is already a winner in our eyes.

I have tried to reassure her that an upper second class degree with honours is an incredible achievement (more than I ever achieved!) let alone with the extra challenges she has faced, as she was worried it wasn’t a good degree. It is fantastic! But I know she was bitterly disappointed. I think it’s actually the build up of stress and upset from the last 2 years and it’s all come to a head now. Her goal of a first class degree was a distraction for her. She is out celebrating with her friends and is over the moon for them, but my heart breaks for her that she is disappointed in herself.

Does anyone here happen to know anything about a 2.1 degree and have any words of wisdom I could share with her? She knows we are proud of her regardless of what she achieved which is making her doubt us when we say that a 2.1 is an incredible achievement as she thinks we are just blinded by our pride!

OP posts:

dontknowher · 15/06/2023 02:12

No one has ever asked me what class of degree I have. Honestly most employers don't care! I got an upper 2:1 rather than a first, it bothered me for a week and then I forgot about it. When she see's her future ahead of her, she'll soon let it go.

therescoffeeinthatnebula · 15/06/2023 01:15

Speaking as someone who interviews and hires graduates to work with her, what I look for is a 2:1 or higher, along with "other stuff". Some graduate employers are even scrapping the classification requirement and will look at a 2:2 or even a third.

I've turned down grads with a first before because all they've managed to do in three or four years is get a degree. It doesn't really impress me. What I want to know is how good they are at doing other stuff at the same time.

I would usually look for volunteering experience, part-time jobs and/or university sports. However, I would be just as impressed with someone who was managing severe health difficulties and still left with a 2:1.

Someone who got a 2:1 and didn't do anything else is not the same calibre of candidate as someone who got a 2:1 and was severely unwell for a large chunk of the time. Not all university experiences are equal, and employers aren't stupid. We recognise that.

If your DD is interested in a grad scheme, get her thinking about competency questions. You know, the standard 'tell me a time when you displayed trait X'. She can showcase the positive skills she learnt from being ill in those kinds of questions and really shine.

And when your DD is further in her career - people won't even ask what classification of degree she got, maybe not even where she studied. She'll just be 'someone with a degree.'

The details that matter so much to us in the moment always end up being less important with time.

Thisisabsolutelyfine · 15/06/2023 01:14

Your daughter worked incredibly hard, tried her very best, and did extremely well despite significant challenges, she needs to be kind to herself and remember that she simply could not have done more.
She may be disappointed in the moment, but hopefully in time she’ll be able to reflect on just what an achievement it was for her given everything, and in the skills she’s developed during the process- grit, determination, tenacity, resilience. In fact these will get her a lot further in her career (and life) than any degree classification ever well. You must be incredibly proud of her.

Glitterandmud · 15/06/2023 00:41

Well done her! She sounds amazing!

One of my best friends had to repeat a year at uni, graduating with a 2.1 after awful luck with her health. She now gets quoted by academics and interviewed! She took a bit of a zig zag route getting there but it's all worked out.

Hope your dd enjoys her moment! What is she hoping to do now? A break? Work? Further study?

Original poster

Eelsinealing · 15/06/2023 00:18

I have just realised that from my post it sounds like we are going on and on to her about how great a 2.1 is (and thus possibly making her doubt us) but we are not- we were genuinely ecstatic at her results when she shared them with us and we only ever discuss it with her when she wants to discuss it and ask us questions 🙂

OP posts:

Unflip

1 2