Asked to resign

30 close friends in year 8? Unlikely

I’d put money on

a) DH doesn’t want the job anymore but doesn’t want to tell op so he’s making out he’s being forced to resign
or
b) something has happened at the school or general poor performance and the school is throwing him a lifeline to resign rather than begin the hall rolling to be sacked

I couldn’t resist an AS of the Op because I suspect that there is a lot more to this than the op is aware of ie… the school wouldn’t be sad to lose him for various reasons and this is an easy way out.

it would be appear he took on a very junior position on £21k FTE at the school 4 years ago having never worked in a pastoral role at a school before.

let me guess op, all the information you have received about this issue you have received from your DH’s mouth ie nothing at all in writing?

let me also guess that you DH wasn’t happy at the school in this job?

Did he speak to his union?

Yes it may be awkward but that’s his job , out of possibly 180 children your daughter may only be close friends with 30 other children at the most .School is not being unreasonable .

Is it possible that he's not in favour for whatever reason? I've worked in a school where staff whose face didn't fit were put where they didn't want to be and told if they didn't like it they could leave. If a Head values staff, they don't do that. Maybe time to look at other schools?

I'd be interested to hear what your dh thinks should be done?

No, it's not ideal that his dc in in his Yr group, but presumably you were aware of this either when you applied for her school place, or he applied for his job (whichever was later) ?
It is pretty reasonable to expect that when "your" Yr group leave the school you then cycle round to the yr group that need a new pastoral lead - as you say, the system is that the Pastoral people stay with the yr group for their journey through school (after Yr7), so he can't avoid this year group without disrupting the relationship all the hundred of other pupils have with their pastoral lead.
The HT is right.

The HT is telling him to suck it up or leave by the sounds of it.

I'd suck it up for now and speak to my TU body about my concerns

Also, the entire point of the pastoral support assistant moving up with the kids from years 8-11 is that they know all the children extremely well. That’s 4 years to be stuck with his child’s year group. What a joke. It’s the sort of tactic headteachers use when they are actively trying to squeeze someone out, because it is utterly inappropriate to take on that role in your child’s year through their whole time there.

I’m not sure you understand the role of pastoral support assistant in some schools, @WombatChocolate. Ime, people like the OP’s dh have their own office space and they are the go to people to deal with friendship issues, accusations of bullying, kids who have walked out of lessons upset etc., because that is their sole role, so they are the ones with the time to do the legwork and be there and available for the children throughout the day. If anything serious is disclosed, they will then take it to the HoY, including kids’s written comments, etc. You are seriously downplaying their function.

In my school, staff cannot work with family. My colleague has 6Dc 7 yo and a 9 yo who both go to our school and a 4yo DGD who goes too. She has never been allowed to.work with them.

Has your husband had any issues with the HM? Any conflicts or differences of opinions on other matters before this threat? Perhaps a personality clash? Has the HM highlighted any performance issues with your husband?

I totally agree with the suggestions of @Leftbutcameback. Talk to your union rep. Log everything. Communicate everything via email so you can evidence exactly what what he has been told. Have someone accompany him to any face to face meetings to discuss the matter to minute the meeting.

Could be that the HM is using this tactic to manage your husband out of his job.

Think Op is enjoying this.

Has your husband got any ideas about how the issue could be solved. If he was to change year groups then he would need to swap with someone I assume? But that may not appeal to all the other support staff who have built relationships with the students and the HOY they work with.

The school must be a fairly decent size if they have this staffing set up. In a 6 + form entry school how many of the year 8 families does your DH really know
socially? And if your child is at the school the issue of ‘reprimanding friends’ etc could crop up anytime, as pupils make friends outside of their year group. Whatever the year group he works with, as he has a child in the school it’s both impossible to totally avoid people he knows, while also being unlikely that it will happen very often.

He is not a teacher.

He is not the PastoralHead.

He is not a teacher. He will not be performing the role of a teacher.

He is a pastoral support worker. There will be a Pastoral lead and other people who have a pastoral role and it will never be the case that her Dad is the only staff member that can be involved.

Loads of staff work in schools and have occasional contact with their kids and also with kids they know outside school and the parents. Where possible they tend not to be timetabled to teach their child, but they might often have a management role in the school, or be a TA, or be a cover supervisor or be a Head of Department, or a Head if Sixth Form etc. It is so common and professionals manage it fine.

Oh please, it is totally normal to make the accommodation the OP is asking for. It is in the interest of the school actually. He should not resign. Is there anyone else he can talk to?

@Angrywife year 7 support can be a lot of work with transition. I’ve known pastoral staff to hate working with them as well 😂. They obviously have someone specific to deal with that.

This seems mad to me, what is the head thinking? It’s a huge conflict of interests. Are teachers allowed to teach their own children?

My mum worked in pastoral care at a sixth form college. I was in a different sixth form in the same town. We all mixed and so alot of them knew my mum. Luckily because it was sixth form there wasn’t much reprimanding or telling off so my mum was “cool”. If it had been lower down the school it would have been mortifying and I’m certain I would have been on the receiving end of bullying of some form!

What is the consistency of moving the yr11 Pastoral head to yr8? I'm struggling to find it.
Surely consistency would mean whoever had them through Yr7 would keep them for yr8

Quite possibly however, we have no details about the size of the school. Yes people are professional but why put your staff in positions that make them feel uncomfortable if not necessary.. all seems a bit OTT... consistency argument is bogus too - as staff leave during the year all the time e.g., maternity leave, new job.

There would be other pastoral providers within the school.

Yes. It was never an issue for me. My friend who were parents at the school recognised the distinction between my professional relationship with them and the social one. They also knew that if I spilled the beans about any other child, they wouldn't be able to trust me to respect their child's confidentiality.

It is s a conflict of interest and the Headteacher should see that. There should be no issue with swapping staff to accommodate this.