Friend just left

We moved like this.

Our family knew, the school knew, the landlord knew. So technically my children’s school friends knew but we lived nowhere near the school so our neighbours and their children had no idea until we just weren’t there.

No debts or social services etc. we had been decorating our new house for months before we left and moved loads of stuff out slowly but due to my work there was always boxes coming and going so nothing suspicious to alert the neighbours.

We just had enough of the people the street the drama. Knew if they knew we where moving it would be a billion questions of where where why can I have etc etc so we just went.

I was a bit concerned and she confirmed that she has relocated, far away, for a fresh start and a new life. AIBU to be quite hurt and confused by this, and just think it is a bloody odd way to go about things?

This women has made a major life decision based on reasons you have no idea about - yet you were only 'a bit concerned' (more likely wanted to know why) and are now making it all about you. The only thing that's 'bloody odd' is the tone of your post.

Not having social media isn’t weird, it’s very sensible. I don’t have it and I ask people not to post photos of my child on it.

This woman has disappeared and sent polite, but clear messages. She’s moved on and wants a fresh start and a new life. It does sound like she’s trying to leave something behind and it may be all about safety. This thread shouldn’t be here, you should request for it to be taken down.

Thank you for your grace and understanding 💕 I was snippy and out of order!!

Haha, no worries, I can see how it might have come across!

Apologies if I was rude, was feeling a bit defensive!! Thank you for clarifying! 😀

It's also entirely possible the problem is with a DIFFERENT ex.
Few of have only one.

Also if she is running from an ex it may not necessarily be the father of her children. You say that you know him and she wouldn't be running from him, but she may have had an abusive ex before the father of her children.

It’s incredible to me that you assume this is ‘shitty behaviour’.

Absolutely incredible.

You’re being extremely judgmental and not very empathic at all.

That’s why she used the word ‘think’ it’s her opinion, not presented as fact.

Definitely an abusive ex. She couldn't risk him finding out.

I’d have assumed debt, she owes on rent and has done a runner.

My guess would be she’s fleeing an abusive ex. So much about this screams that. The fact she isn’t on social media is probably so he can’t find her, the way her sister stated she wanted ‘a fresh start away from memories’ may mean away from him. He also has no involvement in the DC lives. She’s changed her number, potentially because he got hold of it and was harassing her.

I wouldn’t take it personally, nobody just ups and leaves like this without good reason.

Gosh. It sounds though like there was a LOT going on behind the scenes that you weren't aware of. Plus I wouldn't trust the sister to have told you the truth of the situation. Because obviously her loyalty would be to her sister, not you.

Personally, I'd just send them some good wishes into the ether, and think "there, but for the grace of god, go I."

If your DD still has questions, maybe a "her mummy had some big grown up problems to sort out, so she's gone to live near some people who can give her lots of help and love."

A neighbour of mine did this years ago, very happy couple with 5 boys, we saw them on a regular basis and shared dreams /worries/concerns ect.
We became close as 2 couples.
Got up one morning and they had done a flit, not a word or clue was ever mentioned, would never of known anything was wrong, turns out owed months and months of rent, no bills paid.

Could it be something similar?

The OP has just lost a close friend and neighbour, and her dd a best friend. Of course, she's feeling a bit lost and upset and wondering why the friend didn't reach out to let her know or even send a text. She's just cut her off!

And has the OP even once expressed any genuine concern about said friend and her child? Of course it’s normal to be upset that this has happened - but surely your main concern would be for their safety? If one of my friends disappeared overnight, I’d be worried sick. All the OP seems to be worried about is her own feelings.

Every post is littered me “I”, “Me”, “Mine”. “But what about me? Where was my explanation? I feel so hurt. My daughter is so upset”. Meanwhile, under layers of judgement about the friend’s flakiness and “shitty behaviour”, there’s a grudging “I hope they’re okay” at the end. Well, isn’t that lovely.

Understandable you're feeling hurt and a bit lost. Sounds like there was some reason it happened like this. If you wanted to, perhaps you could write a letter to the mother concerned either expressing your surprise, or perhaps your hurt. If u were to say no inquest if you want to get in touch again as DD really misses her friend, it would leave the door open. You could pass letter to the sister you mentioned, no guarantee she'll pass it on, but at least you'll feel like there's less unfinished business.

that is sad indeed

Accept what has happened and move on. By the sounds of it there are no grounds to worry about the child's welfare.

School will likely have been informed.

Thanks for calling me stupid 😂

Perhaps I didn’t explain it as well as I could have. Obviously not all single mums are vulnerable. But some are due to money concerns and hapless exes etc. They can be a target for county lines.

why are single mums going to be more susceptible to county lines? We are talking about grown women here, who have a brain and the same ability to decision make as anyone else. That is as stupid as me saying that bored wife’s would be more susceptible 🙄

Ppl are just in life for themselves basically. Your daughter kept hers entertained and lifts etc when needed which suited her at the time.
I had a similar neighbour I chatted to all the time, same age kid as mine, we even did school viewings together. She said they'd never leave their flat or sell blah blah. I day flat sold and they're moving out. It was all a ruse to get into school, as soon as they got the place they moved to a house far away. I actually saw them moving out and she was hiding behind their car as everything we'd ever shared had been a lie.
Find someone else.

I agree.
OP - it isn't about you, she obviously has other stuff going on.

I am sure I'd be a bit miffed too, OP, but this is not about you. She obviously has more to deal with than meets the eye. You've no idea whether she hated having to leave like that but still had to. Don't feel hurt, just send her the good vibes she obviously needs. Poor woman. I work in mental health and have seen all sorts, really heaven knows what she's going through. I'd also explain to your daughter that sometimes people are having a hard time but if they really really like you they won't tell you in order to protect you from it, and that her friend must have liked her very much - might help?

Or a stalker?
if I had a stalker, I’d literally pack up, move. Go radio silent on absolutely everything.