Cry it out method... do people still do this?

Tell me you care more about a quiet life than your baby and their wellbeing, without telling me you care more about a quiet life than your baby…

All the links work for me, it must be your location / cookie settings. I also only quoted 3 parts of the article, all 3 relate to the question the OP asked “do people still use cry it out?” I didn’t make any reference or comment about the other off topic elements of the wider article.

Even if the links didn’t work for you, all the original research papers can be found easily found. For ease here are the links to the specific 3 papers I referenced, not the links that were included in the article.

https://earlyyearsstudy.ca/early-years-study-1/#:~:text=In%201999%2C%20the%20Hon.,for%20the%20high%20tech%20economy.
Page 33 onwards talks about stress, being left to cry, comfort, etc. all relevant to the question the OP asked. All concluding CIO is not beneficial.

https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Michael-Commons-2/publication/272210021_Why_Not_Crying_It_Out_Part_1_The_Science_That_Tells_Us_That_Responsiveness_is_Key/links/58402ac408ae8e63e61f75b7/Why-Not-Crying-It-Out-Part-1-The-Science-That-Tells-Us-That-Responsiveness-is-Key.pdf?origin=publication_detail
Discusses multiple studies, on both sides of the argument, but ultimately concludes that even though CIO might work in stopping infants crying, those infants ultimately learnt that they are alone so not to bother crying.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2946618/
Not specifically about CIO, about responsive care in general and concludes that increased cortisol levels can have a number of negative impacts on behaviour, but warm, responsive care does not increase cortisol levels.

In conclusion, don’t come for me because you feel guilty for ignoring your crying child.

No, I couldn't hear them cry. 4 years of never having a full nights sleep but I still couldn't! 🫠

Biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever read.

Sorry but that’s absolute rubbish. Especially for very small babies/children.
A small child is not going to think “oh, nobody is coming even though I am crying, I all of a sudden feel so empowered and am really glad
my DM/DP is taking some time for themselves”

Wherever possible, I attended to my DS every time he cried or needed anything. He is 5 now and incredibly independent. They learn to be secure/independent by having a secure base - a healthy attachment to their primary caregiver(s) bit by being ignored by them.

Instilling a sense of independence and confidence is empowering your child for later in life. Leaving baby to cry for a little while keeps mum (or dad) sane or even to satisfy just basic human needs like eating and showering. Babies learn by observing so it's much better for them to observe their caregivers going about their business, making food, talking to them while doing so, interacting, but at a distance, this is all great groundwork for the future. If they are picked up every time they cry then they won't learn so quickly about their independence in the world.

You’ve said everything I was going to say. I even have three children. 😂

have you actually followed any of the links in that article, or just skim read it because it supports your views?!

It's one of the worst pseudo scientific articles I've seen in a long time.

The only links that work properly are the ones to the study that shows that leaving babies to cry doesn't harm them! 🙄

All the other references to studies/articles that support the authors point either:

• link doesn't work (404 link not found)

• Lead to articles that aren't studies, just other opinion pieces

• lead to studies that are nothing to do with sleep training or babies crying at all (cortisol levels in daycare settings)

• lead to an advert for a book

• and in one case, take you to a straight up attack on formula feeding parents, with no reference to crying babies at all...

Please can you at least check you aren't posting complete nonsense before you try and scare parents with it. 🙄

I agree with the original poster. All the legitimate studies that you can actually find and reference (i.e not pressure group led ones designed to make parents feel guilty) show that leaving babies to cry to sleep is totally safe and does them no harm.

I don’t do cry it out I do controlled crying. I think it promotes good sleep health as children learn to be relaxed and happy falling alseep.

if that doesn’t work for you then fine. Well done enjoy your contact naps.

I slept with my daughter until 2. It was bliss as she would just sleep with me and get up with me, we got in synch.

I sleep with her again age 6 and where she would wake every single night crying, now she doesn't.

I'd do it again, but it's easy with just one child and a flexible job. Not so easy otherwise I imagine.

Also I should add, controlled crying hasn’t worked with all of mine (I have 4) and I only tried it if I thought it was appropriate. I bed shared with DS2 and 3 until they were ready to go into their own toddler bed as they breathed until they were older than DD1. I did controlled crying with DD1 and it worked perfectly within a few days, I tried it with DS2 and it was clear from the outset it wasn’t right for them so I didn’t continue.

That link the the American website is wild. The reason the baby settles after several nights of this is that they realise THERE’S NO POINT. In other words, they know, no matter what, no one will come. But they don’t learn to self soothe. They may be quiet, but it doesn’t mean they’re okay, they’ve just given up. I learnt this from an Educational Psychologist friend when discussing attachment disorder and neglect in babies. I was so happy to learn this before I had children as I had heard lots about the CIO method. Definitely not to be confused with controlled crying though, as others have said. Controlled crying still provides the reassurance babies need and I have used it successfully with my own children.

Never did sleep training or CIO with mine. I think it’s cruel. Did all the things people tell you not to - Co-slept, BF to sleep etc etc
DS is 5 and is a fantastic sleeper. He has been for years.

Hi OP

1st time mum to a 7 month old here. I think keeping your distance for now is probably a good idea...better to say nothing than something you might regret later. Especially as unsolicited advice is honestly the least useful thing going. From my own really limited experience i would keep just doing what suits you and baby. I promise you you arent doing everything wrong but havent we all been there when dr internet is telling us 20 different things about sleeping/feeding/parenting in general...makes us feel like nothing we're doing is right. My DS contact napped on us for every nap and like your LO went down to sleep at night without issue from about 9 weeks,myself and DH had tried putting him down and following all kinds of sleep training advice (thinking we would never get him out of contact naps) not a single method worked. He eventually started to resist the contact naps himself, and would only be first content lying on the sofa beside us to nod off then bit by bit to being put down awake in his cot to fall asleep independently but this was through no crying it out method or controlled crying. He lead the way and we went with it which we have found is the easiest way with our independent little man. He knows what is best for him without us forcing the issues. You do you...look for reassurance on these sites but take any and all advice with a pinch of salt...including mine 🤣 and honestly enjoy those lovely cuddles...i miss them every day.

This!

All babies / toddlers who want to sleep in your arms / in your bed go in their own bed eventually. You don’t get teenagers still climbing into mummy and daddy’s bed every night!

That sounds exhausting.

Being bombarded with unsolicited advice - especially when it is tied to how you are in their view doing everything wrong - is exhausting.

You know your baby, you know you. If you are both happy and healthy then carry on and MIL should back off.

That goes for everyone in this thread. If you do CIO or not. All mums and all babies are different. We do what works for us. We do not need constant criticism from others - especially not close family.

Absolutely not. Wasn't there a study that showed that increased cortisol caused by unnecessary crying was bad for brain development? At the very least it triggers the amygdala into flight or fight response and this can be damaging to the tiny little sponge of a brain.

Everyone I know who did it was told by their mums or grannies to do it and that it 'never caused them any harm'.

My two are now 15 and 12 and neither of them are sleeping on me or in my bed....

@Newnamenewname109870 "I'm too far the other way though and need to toughen up before she grows up with me wrapped around her little finger and becomes an arse"

She won't-I promise. Meeting her needs won't make her an arse.

This is so sad 😞 it’s funny because I can be strict or whatever in the day but at night I am super alert and terrified of my child being alone and crying in the dark. I can’t do it do them. It’s literally the most vulnerable time for them.

Babies are supposed to be attached to their caregiver. It’s not qurie like that.

What is cry it out method? How long do you leave them? the more upset she gets I start crying 😬 I really struggle when she gets inconsolable I panic she's in pain so doubt I could let her cry without freaking out. I'm too far the other way though and need to toughen up before she grows up with me wrapped around her little finger and becomes an arse 😂

I know 3 people who've done cry it out. All their kids (now aged between 2 and 14) seem to be fine. BUT they all have a story about a time when they finally went in/ went in in the morning and realised the child had been crying about something 'legitimate' (although IMO that describes all crying) - one had got her legs stuck through the bars of her cot, one had become ill and now had a temperature of 39°C, and one had partially dislocated her elbow!
Just be firm but polite with your MIL whenever you have contact with her, and keep doing what's right for you and your family. In the majority of the world, what you're doing is the norm and deliberately leaving a baby to cry alone (for any length of time) is seen as barbaric. If it was really damaging to babies to respond to them consistently we'd have whole continents of dysfunctional people.

I think the 5 minute check in works once you know your child's cry! There is a huge difference between a whimper that is looking for attention or fighting the sleep, or a cry when something is wrong that is leading to short breathes and / or vomiting like another poster mentioned.

I agree with this. I don't do CIO but I often leave the baby in the cot for 5 minutes while I see to the older child. The older child's needs can't be completely ignored to hold the baby the whole time. Quite often, the little one will go off to sleep after a couple of minutes fussing and whimpering slightly. If they don't, I pick them up and cuddle them again rather than letting them get worked up into hysterics.

My experience is that unfortunately babies sometimes need to be left to cry so you can meet the needs of older children or your own very basic needs (eat, go to the toilet, have a shower). And not all babies like being in slings.

The words “brain damage” are incorrect, but here is your evidence that CIO is indeed harmful:

https://www.laleche.org.uk/letting-babies-cry-facts-behind-studies/

Key points:
The 1999 Ontario Early Years Study8 explains how the brain is being hard-wired in early development and how the patterns which emerge will last for a lifetime. How the adult brain reacts to stress is influenced by this early development, and adults who were stressed as babies can have abnormal stress reactions in later life, as well as a greater vulnerability to social attachment disorders.

In 1998 Harvard research showed that babies who cried excessively were susceptible to stress as adults, and sensitive to future trauma.9 Chronic stress in infancy can also lead to an over-active adrenaline system, causing anti-social and aggressive behavior, and even affect physical illness far into the future.

On the other hand, research has shown that infants and toddlers who experienced responsive and sensitive care tend to develop into socially competent pre-schoolers.

All studies are quoted in the article.

https://www.laleche.org.uk/letting-babies-cry-facts-behind-studies/

The most heartbreaking line; “While babies may indeed stop crying if left unattended long enough, they are not learning to self-soothe, they are simply giving up on the hope that comfort will come”.

You do what you feel is right for you and your family. And if at some point, for your own mental health or sleep deprivation you need to leave your baby to “cry it out” then of course do so. But if you are determined to not “cry it out”, then simply say so, with confidence, to your MIL and anyone else who questions you.

Youve got this.

Having work or another reason to get up wouldn’t change a thing for me - hearing DD cry brings about a visceral reaction and I have to respond.

I do have other commitments that I have to get on with and the sling works wonders. I get on with what I need to do and she is content because she’s close. Would definitely use the sling again with a new baby so I’m free to interact with older children or just get on with others jobs.