Cry it out method... do people still do this?

I suppose parents say something when they see you struggling and know they got their kids to sleep more reliably within a couple of days of sleep training.

I said I'd never sleep train, then did after 13mo of barely getting 2 hrs at a time. Couple of unpleasant nights then we all slept well, dd would be positively happy to go in her cot and ask for it.

I don't tell other parents to do it but I do see exhausted parents still co sleeping after 2-3 years and wonder why they don't at least try it. A couple of nights of stress weighed against several years of exhaustion and crying in the night seems like a no brainer.

I'm going to try CIO but it's a desperate last resort for me having tried all the things that people who hate cio tell you to do. I read up on everything pre baby and was consistent from the start, subject to trying a few different things at different points ie cosleeping for a few weeks instead of the crib.For some babies nothing works - we are up with the baby for about 80% of the night and it's not ok.
But why would you ever do it if you and your baby are sleeping ok? If I was able to get a couple of hours sleep at a time most nights I probably wouldn't, but I'm literally going to die so it's worth a shot.

My mil used to think it was bizarre that we held Ds1 for every nap and that I coslept every night. She used to say "well E (her partner's daughter) just pushes A in the pram and she cries but goes to sleep eventually".
I was like ok good for her if that how she wants to do it. (Also because ds1 was and is a stubborn wee devil who could honestly scream for ages then fall asleep as soon as you picked him up).
Ds1 is now 3. At around 10 months, I'd lie with him on his floor bed, nurse him to sleep and then get up for naps and evenings. This carried on until he finally dropped his nap at 2. Now, we just lie next to him for ten minutes and he sleeps all night.

We have ds2 now (nearly 5 months old) and mil actually said recently she now understands why we hold the boys for every nap, keep them close and cosleep, and she thinks it's actually lovely. It was nice to hear her say "hey this is different to what I did, and that's fine too" basically.

Always go with your instincts, op and never do something you're not comfortable with with your own child just cause someone says so.

Not everyone is comfortable with co-sleeping, especially with a tiny baby. I have never had my baby in my bed and never would.

I'm not my husband's parent, it isn't my job to teach him things so the comparison doesn't work for me.

Sleep is a need. I see it as my job to teach him how to sleep, it has worked well for us and I have no regrets. He gets plenty of cuddles during the day but he doesn't need to be cuddled all night, he needs sleep at night.

That made me seriously laugh out loud

@Tryagainplease totally agree! I love the feeling of them relaxing when you pick them up for a cuddle.

Though I do admit to trying CIO on my DH when he has man-flu. Doesn't work.

I know there is a difference between CIO and other methods of sleep training, but I still find them a very strange concept.
Surely, you want to teach your child that if they need you, you will be there. Not just present in the room with your hand on their back or whatever, sitting in silence but actually there.
It would be a strange thing to do if, say, your partner was crying about something and you just kept walking in and out of a room, placing your hand on their back and saying nothing… why would you treat a baby that way?! Pick them up and bloody cuddle them! Bring them into your bed and be there for them!

Sleep training doesn't automatically mean cry it out. It's an umbrella term for many methods, not all which include leaving a baby to cry.

I sleep trained my 6 month old from birth, never used cry it out though.

Ahh yes every mums group I’m in… “ahhh DC doesn’t sleep, how awful, poor you, I’m so lucky mines a great sleeper” “oh but I did sleep train” then said mum goes on to spend a good 5 mins justifying why she sleep trained which in its self leads me to believe they too don’t actually agree with it. Usually followed on with “well if you don’t teach them to self settle they will NEVER EVER sleep!

The BBC did an article on it where it followed research that showed sleep trained babies wake up as much as not sleep trained babies they just don’t bother crying as they know no one is coming… how incredibly sad that babies have already learnt that their parents don’t give a s**t and aren’t coming! How is that affecting them and their little personalities. Funnily enough it’s only even a thing in the UK and USA, every other nation accepts that children need looking after overnight too, it seems to be a thing now that parents only want to parent at times that are convenient to them.

My daughter is 8 months, sleeps through the night in her cot in her own room 8:30pm - 8:30am. If she stirs in the night she can “self settle”. It hasn’t always been like this till 6 months she was waking every 2 hours and would take an hour to go down at bedtime, at 3months the witching hour went on till 1:30am it has been very very hard.

My daughter has learnt to sleep by knowing that it is safe in her cot, in her room. If she needs something, anything, mummy comes. Even if that something is just a cuddle to help her feel safe… how many cry it out mums lay in bed snuggled up to their partners whilst ignoring their baby crying for that same comfort.

I am so incredibly proud of myself that I ignored all the (very loud) voices telling me I was wrong and making a rod for my own back. I know I have made the right decision and both me and my daughter are happier for it.

Keep going Mama you’re doing an incredible job and I hear ya that it’s f’ing hard!

Your 5 month old is perfectly fine. Witching hour is just that!! I used to bath my son during that time he's 8 months now. It happens too every child. Honestly you know it coming and it's horrible but it doesn't last forever. Cuddles and try other things I don't like crying it out especially at such a young age they don't understand it. I changed my sons routine to fit around it again so that's when he'd get a bath and bottle so it kept it minimum we got it down to a 15 min cry and I'd do half of it then pass to partner. So it's not just me stuck with screaming in my ear.. some nights he'd only want one of us the whole time that's fine too. Just ride the wave. Nothing stops it try work round it. My sons sleep 9pm till 9am every night aince he was 4 weeks old and everyone told me I was doing everything wrong. Honestly I wouldn't have changed my way of doing any of it. I also found cuddling him in our bed just for that time helped with Netflix on until he was settled worked too. Don't tell people what your doing it only opens up for unwanted shine from people. Xxx hope this helps and in the moment you feel guilty and like a shot mum.... your not! Good luck xxx

Oh same! Do you cosleep? Have you got any plans to try and change the situation? My boy turned 2 last week and is exactly the same as yours. Don't know how to approach it!

The issue is I find I’m not ever allowed to say I’m tired or it’ll come up as well have you tried this?
no, I’m just tired. I’m fine with it this way.

How did you know about the bad iron?

We contact napped, Co-slept etc and people were always commenting. You do you and what suits you both. If mil makes comments just smile and move the chat on. If persists just say we are doing what works for us. Personally I didn’t want to let mine cry it out and was happy to stay with him but it isn’t for everyone

Bad night even!!

There is hope- this was my son, woke lots in the night and only milk would soothe him, he finally started sleeping better at 4 after having tonsils removed (sleep apnea) and supplementing his iron intake as he was very low. He still has the odd bad news got when ill etc and the next day I honestly wonder how I got through those 4yr with very little sleep!!

We let both of ours have a bit of a whinge but never outright crying (except the below). If they didn’t settle within 5 minutes one of us was in there picking them up.

The only time I ever did CIO was when DS (5 months at the time) lost it one night. He screamed for two hours straight and nothing worked - not feeding, not rocking, not burping, nothing. In the end he was arching away like he didn’t want us there so we put him down. He kept screaming but after about eight minutes he went to sleep. We hardly slept all night. We thought we had broken him…. He woke up happy as anything. I still don’t know what happened that night but I think putting him down was ultimately the right thing to do. He was over stimulated and beside himself.

Yeah that's why I just don't reply in the group chats. I only talk about sleep if I'm directly asked what I did, then I tell the truth.

I wanted to offer an explanation why it can be hard to stay quiet, it can be for the best of intentions but when nerves are frayed it can feel like an attack.

I’ve been that person and trust me, my friend banging on about sleep training being the answer really doesn’t help. You’ve got to realise that the mum guilt and desire not to do that goes deeper than lack of sleep.

Hey!!! Registered here only because of your comment- that's just me! My bf baby 2 years old(march) wakes every 2-3 hours, randomly 4 hours stretch can give. Since birth like this and no sleep training changed that pattern! Only made it so much worse for 3 months while I was trying sleep fake training. Just to realise I better sleep these 2 hours!!than go full on waking with settling resettling omg gosh what's not doing. No thank you. And then reading comments like:" I sleep train all my 5 kids slept in their own room sinve they crawled out of my vulva and i know ppl who didnt sleep train and they still soothe their high needs babies in age 9. Or 11"Ooh Just shut up you ve got lucky, a kid that sleeps, enjoy the Biscuit.
I hope you find your peace! With love, other always on a nightshift lone heart mum.

I think it's important to remember that we are the only mammals that are expected to sleep alone. Sleeping alone is something that will come developmentally. Having said that...whilst I tried the cry it out method with mine, I found that just letting them fall into their own routines was much better for them. They would play till they fell asleep and I would carry them to bed. And at night they were in bed roughly by 9 and would sleep through till 9. We only introduced a bedtime when they stopped napping in the day and they would go to bed peacefully at 7:30 because they were naturally tired and not because we enforced it. Every child is different and the most important thing is that they are healthy and happy. Stop worrying about what others do, and concentrate on the health and wellbeing of you and your baby. You are doing a fantastic job 👏

It's hard sometimes to listen to people struggle with terrible broken sleep, and they even ask for help, but they feel there is no answer because they have written off all sleep training. It's hard to see your friends go through that, sleep deprivation turns them into a shell of a person.

This!!

I would also add join The Beyond Sleep Training Project on facebook, such a good group for those who are not up for cry it out

Oh dear. Just general info must have clicked wrong link.

Leaving a baby to cry verges on cruel in my opinion.It makes them insecure and then they cry more. I think you have the right idea and it's working for you.
In the end your MIL' s opinion or mine or anybody else 's is irrelevant. What goes on between you and your baby should be settled between you, not anyone else. Stand by your own instincts.

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