X on text from random men - happened again

Flyinggeesei234 · 2023-06-08T07:50:58+00:00

I’ve got a new gardener - booked for fortnightly visits. Has been a few times, seems very good. Yesterday he messaged me about the garden (had to miss some tasks as timed out but wanted to assure me would do next time etc - so text purely about the garden). But he put a x (kiss sign, right?) at the end. I feel this is too familiar/potential interest in getting into a text chat thing. I know he would not do this on a text to a man. That’s the crux of it. I don’t like it. It’s happened before whereby someone has been to do some work (e.g. joinery job) then a message has a ‘x’ on it. It’s the assumption I’m single (just because no man around when jobs are done). My AIBU? Am I overreacting? I just want to ask him to not do the garden again. But it’s only a ‘x’! I’m sick of men doing this and it’s just one more. Why text in a different/familiar way just because I’m female? Hate it.

Manthide · 10/06/2023 07:26

Flyinggeesei234 · 08/06/2023 22:09

Sorry but I have to disagree with this! I’m not a teenager.

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I'm almost 60 and I do it quite often - mostly because emojis confuse me!

Manthide · 10/06/2023 07:23

Takemyselfdancing · 08/06/2023 09:01

I agree it’s a habit and I wouldn’t read too much into it. Some people do it to be polite and friendly.

I must admit I often put an x on the end of texts - and have absolutely no love interest in the recipient! It makes it appear more friendly but I don't over analyse texts I receive.

BestieBunch · 09/06/2023 19:43

My OH is a carpenter and often puts x on the end of texts unintentionally 🙈

FarmGirl78 · 09/06/2023 14:51

An x on the end of a text means there's an of assumption that you're single?? 🤣🤣 I've heard everything now.

NerrSnerr · 09/06/2023 14:38

I just asked my husband if I can look at his work WhatsApp chat. All men. I had a quick scroll and there are a couple of x at the end of messages.

GreatGardenstuff · 09/06/2023 14:21

I’d assume he done it by accident and think no more of it.

If he persists and is too familiar in person then, tell him to stop, or bin him off.

Original poster

Flyinggeesei234 · 08/06/2023 22:33

rwalker · 08/06/2023 22:21

unless your prepared to listen to other people opinions what’s the point of posting

you obviously think there some seedy undertone to it unlike a lot of people on here
you’ve made your mind up block him and find someone else

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Bizarre post! I’ve read every post. I don’t have to agree with every one. It’s OK to disagree, you know.

OP posts:

rwalker · 08/06/2023 22:21

Flyinggeesei234 · 08/06/2023 22:09

Sorry but I have to disagree with this! I’m not a teenager.

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unless your prepared to listen to other people opinions what’s the point of posting

you obviously think there some seedy undertone to it unlike a lot of people on here
you’ve made your mind up block him and find someone else

FabFitFifties · 08/06/2023 22:16

Both men and women do this out of habit. Obviously not all, and definately more women, but also quite a lot of men. I wouldn't think twice about it,even though I don't myself.

Original poster

Flyinggeesei234 · 08/06/2023 22:09

Parisj · 08/06/2023 22:02

Friendly punctuation, looks too blunt without an x or an emoji. it's a changing etiquette.

Sorry but I have to disagree with this! I’m not a teenager.

OP posts:

Parisj · 08/06/2023 22:02

Friendly punctuation, looks too blunt without an x or an emoji. it's a changing etiquette.

ohdamnitjanet · 08/06/2023 21:59

My 24 yr DS and his friends often sign off to each other with an x, plenty of men do this now, it’s lovely they don’t feel the need to be all macho.

Simonlebonbon · 08/06/2023 21:56

titchy · 08/06/2023 09:02

Women often do it so it can be unthinking. Men - no. Men do not put x at the end of messages to other men they work with. Ever.

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You should see DPs work group chat. They send "xx" and call each other babe 😂

Mew2 · 08/06/2023 21:49

As a clinician in the NHS on some sleep deprived days I have finished phone calls/ consultations with bye love you... sometimes it is just automatic and I have had patients complain (normally when dd is ill and I have had 2/3hrs sleep)...

Margrethe · 08/06/2023 21:41

Must admit that I do this out of habit myself. But I have lived in Essex for decades. 😳

It’s probably true that women do this habitually more than men, but I would not read too much into it, unless you get other signals.

SpringIntoChaos · 08/06/2023 21:37

Well I put 3 xxx on the end of a text to my boss when I texted in sick! We definitely do not have the kind of relationship where this could be 'laughed off' 😳 It was pure habit on my part and I knew I'd done it the split second I'd sent it!! 😱

rwalker · 08/06/2023 21:34

I’m male and get a few x from various people male and female definitely out of habit

I don’t give it a second thought

PonkyPonky · 08/06/2023 21:32

Mumteedum · 08/06/2023 08:59

I would be surprised if men do it automatically with other men.

They definitely do. There’s a guy at my work that does it and I mentioned it in the office and all the guys said he does it to them all the time. For some it’s just force of habit. Don’t make a big deal of it. It means nothing

Misspiper89 · 08/06/2023 21:26

I’ve unfortunately said ‘love you bye’ on the phone at work on occasion 😂😂 deffo automatic

Enko · 08/06/2023 14:45

Flyinggeesei234 · 08/06/2023 10:57

Sorry @Enko to answer your latter
point, yes the content of the main message was absolutely fine, to be fair. Purely about the gardening task.

In that case, assume it is an automatic x and not one intended as a kiss.

Obviously, if anything else happens deal with that.

Original poster

Flyinggeesei234 · 08/06/2023 14:36

ConfusedNoMore · 08/06/2023 13:29

Perhaps those of you saying it's a hysterical overreaction to question it have not been in the position of being a lone female getting workmen in the house. Perhaps you've not been abused by a man/men (good!).

I have.

I have also:
Had a tradesman kiss me completely univited (wasn't intended to be sexual. It was more a kiss on the cheek in a kindly but very socially awkward way I think but still very inappropriate and upset me after previous experiences)

Had a tradesman stand very close to me, initiate long and personal conversation, generally give me the creeps and then flounce off in a hurry when he came back to do work because my son came into the room and he clearly thought I was alone. He never returned and I never paid him.

Had a tradesman put X's on the end of texts but not consistently. Only when he'd been and realised I was alone and started being a bit familiar.

I do not think I'm some sort of irresistible gorgeous man magnet. I don't think any of those men probably wished me any harm. I do think some men will try and take advantage of lone females. I do think we should listen to our instincts as women because this protects us from male harm.

Yes, yes, yes, yes and yes. Thanks for posting @ConfusedNoMore

OP posts:

Jayne35 · 08/06/2023 14:11

I think it's habit sometimes. DH often ends texts to male friends with a xx, in error.

ConfusedNoMore · 08/06/2023 13:29

Perhaps those of you saying it's a hysterical overreaction to question it have not been in the position of being a lone female getting workmen in the house. Perhaps you've not been abused by a man/men (good!).

I have.

I have also:
Had a tradesman kiss me completely univited (wasn't intended to be sexual. It was more a kiss on the cheek in a kindly but very socially awkward way I think but still very inappropriate and upset me after previous experiences)

Had a tradesman stand very close to me, initiate long and personal conversation, generally give me the creeps and then flounce off in a hurry when he came back to do work because my son came into the room and he clearly thought I was alone. He never returned and I never paid him.

Had a tradesman put X's on the end of texts but not consistently. Only when he'd been and realised I was alone and started being a bit familiar.

I do not think I'm some sort of irresistible gorgeous man magnet. I don't think any of those men probably wished me any harm. I do think some men will try and take advantage of lone females. I do think we should listen to our instincts as women because this protects us from male harm.

DeltaAlphaDelta79 · 08/06/2023 13:23

in an industry you probably wouldn't *expect it....

DeltaAlphaDelta79 · 08/06/2023 13:20

NoPicklesplease · 08/06/2023 09:06

They definitely do. BIL is a builder and puts x’ son every message, to DH (not his brother) colleagues, everyone

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I do too, messages between male colleagues who I work with always put an X at the end, and we work in an industry that you probably would expect it of us. Just a friendly thing.