Leaving out dds bully

There's no excuse for being a bully.

You can’t bully your own bully.

Actions have consequences, she is the only child not invited.

Ordinarily there shouldn’t just be one child in a class excluded from a party. But as she is bullying your child, the child’s parents fail to help things get better, and the school are aware of the problem, I’d say it’s fine. Your dd shouldn’t have to be worried about being bullied at her own party.

😅 It was a long time ago (dd is 22 now!) She was absolutely fuming when Uninvited Boy (UB) turned up! She didn't speak much to him other than to say "I told you you're not invited". UB didn't seem too bothered, enjoyed the party and have her a present so not all bad🤣
This was when we were living abroad where things like actual invitations didn't seem to matter!

I always feel a bit sorry for the 7+ children that get bumped off the list to camouflage the bullying child’s non invitation…
It’s difficult.

The school have told the child to stay away from your children, i dont think you can invite them.

Natural consequences.
no way would the child be coming to the party.

leaving the child out isn’t bullying fgs! 🙄

I’m waiting patiently for this other thread to appear 😀

I would not expect my daughter to spend her birthday entertaining the class bully. Equally, I'm of just as strong a conviction that the answer to bullying is not more bullying. Leaving out just one child from a whole class is doing precisely that. Nor would this be setting a particularly good example to my own children.

The suggestion upthread that you cap numbers and ask DD to indicate her preferred choices seems sensible.

If this were me, I would 100% not invite her! DM is aware and so is the school. Don’t feel obliged to do something you don’t want to. You shouldn’t feel like you need to pay for this child and also worry they’ll upset yours or others!

I think at 7 parties can move away from being the whole class. I would invite fewer children from school and as others posted, invite children your DD knows from outside school. If she is being bullied it is important to foster friendships outside school in case it continues or spreads.

If she's been told to stay away from your child at school it makes no sense to invite her to a party outside school.

Do you really have to invite all the rest of the class though?

Absolutely this. Maybe it’ll make her think twice about her behaviour and how nobody will want to play with her if she’s mean.

How many family children and friends not at school will be invited?

Leaving one out is after against policy but only when you hand out invites at school. Can you send them another way of you want to leave her out (with very good reason).

I wouldn't invite her as that's unfair on ur dd but equally I wouldn't invite the whole class bar one

I agree but it looks like we're in the minority. If she was 9 or 10 then yes but at 6 years old I think it's unfair to invite a whole class and not her. That being said, I wouldn't invite her so would cut down the amount of school friends and invite others from outside of school.

Also you can't know for certain there are no SNs. She's 6 and that behaviour isn't usual so I'd assume there are some issues there even if they haven't been identified yet

I think you shouldn't just leave one child out especially a 6 year old. This doesn't sound like a happy child, they may have undiagnosed SEN or trauma - you don't know.

I would look at just inviting the children your child plays with rather than the whole class. I wouldn't want to invite her but I couldn't leave just her out.

Exactly. My daughter was adamant she didn't want one particular boy at her 7th birthday party, so we didn't invite him. He turned up anyway, but that's a whole other thread!😅

When you say there is definitely no SEN, what do you mean by that? Has she been tested for various things and all been ruled out?
I wouldn't invite her, but I personally would not be able to leave out just one child.
Does your DD want everyone else there or could she have a smaller gathering with her main friends?

Sorry but not it’s not going to land like that with the child, she’s not going to think her actions caused her to be left out, especially if her mum won’t accept it either.

I don’t think it’s fine to leave one 6yo child out, bully or not. Include her or invite 10 kids only.

Maybe this makes me mean, but I'd have no issue just leaving out the bully. That's what happens when you're mean to other people, you miss out on fun things. I don't see why you should leave out other children who would otherwise be invited - what purpose does that serve? Especially if the mother is already aware of the issue, maybe the fact that her child is the only one not invited might make her finally take notice.

Leave her out. She needs to learn that actions have consequences.

I'd have no issue whatsoever in leaving out one bully from the class. You certainly don't have to change the nature of your daughter's party (by reducing numbers to half the class) to accommodate her bully.

It's natural consequences. You're mean to other children, you don't get invited to parties.

Of course the bully doesn't get invited! Tough if they're the only one excluded. Actions have consequences and even a 6 year old ought to be able to understand that. If not the parent has utterly failed.