Apparently I can't take banter

No its not banter thats when both parties are in agreement something i funny

are you married to jay from inbetweeners-notice he never done it to bigger boys/men

Good save, you two. I'd written what I would do, which isn't necessarily wise.

Definitely abuse.

My exH did this kind of thing. See how it escalates:

Started with
Jokes at my expense in front of my family and I wasn't good at taking a joke

Breaking the car hard when I was drinking from a bottle as a passenger so it would go all over my face

Driving off (he still does that to my asd child 😡)

Engaged:
Got really horrid about my concerns about inviting my dysfunctional family to wedding

Then pregnant
Really laying into me when pregnant then being the victim for being the bad guy

Then with new born baby
Laying into me for not buying him a gift after baby was born - I was almost disabled and struggling to feed the child. I was sitting crying with pain of feeding and he started the above.

Telling me the house was a shithole and it was my fault because I went to 4d /wk post my second child

Finally
Telling me i was lucky he didn't hit me

I Left him/ divorced him

Shouting at being a bully to kids

He later has assaulted the children and been dragged through court as a consequence.

He's not bantering, he's being a cunt. I'd be telling him I was leaving him unless he cut it out right now.

You need to leave this idiot, it is abuse

Tell him you don't feel the 2 of you are compatible any more and perhaps it's a good idea for you both to move on before the relationship deteriorates any further. Either that will give him a sharp wake up call to start behaving like an adult, or give him the answer he wants, which is to move on.

Your DH sounds like a right arsehole. None of this is remotely funny, unless you're 14 years old. Banter is silly and funny for both people.

Yesterday we were watching 'Say Yes to the Dress' and discussing the host's coiffed hairdo (it was the British version). I said something like the only person I know who has a more coiffed hairdo is your dad. He spends hours brushing his hair every morning. I'm always saying, hurry up DH. Your hair looks fine. (Of course this is a lame joke because DH spends about 30 seconds getting ready in total including a shower and never brushes his hair) My DH responded with something like I'm so lucky to have your mum to keep me on track. I just cannot stop brushing my hair. And so on. It's harmless.

Laughing at your DP because her boob is hanging out is NOT funny.

Weirdest banter I've ever heard of. Is he a teenager

I love banter with my DH. What you describe is NOT banter. He is bullying you.

What are you going to do @NotExactlyJimCarey?

That's not banter, and no queen should put up with that utterly revolting display of disrespect..

As everyone has said this is not banter but abuse.

Please ring Wa and speak to friends/family in real life.

Hello,

As a man, if a mate told me he did this to his wife I would call him out for the abusive prick that he is.

I appreciate that you feel dumping the wanker might not be an option, but you can tell him straight that he isn't indulging in ' banter' , and at best ' banter' is for immature teenagers anyway.

If he gets off on being cruel to you, then that's who he is. Might be worth mentioning it to some other men in your life ..brothers? friends partners? who may like to indulge in a bit of ' banter' with him, based on his abusive ways.

Seriously though, whenever and if ever you feel strong enough, get rid of this arsehole.

Not banter - abuse and contempt.

Banter is when two or more people share an ‘in-joke’ that both of you find funny. For example, my DP loves Avril Lavigne so when I hear her playing I’ll say something like, “Ooh, your girlfriend’s on the radio, Sk8erboi” and he’ll waggle his eyebrows suggestively (I didn’t say it was good banter but it makes us laugh). Throwing clothes at you and letting you be vulnerable in public when he could prevent it as abusive and bullying.

Just take this single example:

Like he got up off the sofa and threw the rubbish from the food he was eating in my face.

What would you say to a friend of yours who told you she'd gone on a date with a guy she'd just started seeing who did this? Remenants of half eaten foot, thrown in her face?

You'd tell her to stop seeing him but you probably wouldn't need to because she'd already have stopped.

This is abusive, nasty, treatment. Disrespectful is a huge understatement. It's not disrespect it's contempt.

None of that is banter, joke, normal or nice or close to nice. He sounds like a hateful person. How he is slamming doors, what about if that door hits you, hits the baby on your chest or in your arms, etc? - it is not good.

as many are saying, an exit should be put in place.

Maybe you need to start doing the exact same things back at him, see how hilarious he finds it. That is all a million miles from banter. He sounds like an utter prick.

Tell him that banter is meant to involve humour and he is not fucking funny.

I wonder would he have laughed if you'd flung the gin over him?

That’s not banter that’s being an asshole and you should tell him that.

Surely this is destroying any affection or attraction you might have felt towards him? Nobody is going to fancy someone who reminds them of the petty wind-ups of childhood sibling relationships.

He sounds like an utter wanker, setting you up with a double bind of wanting to be 'cool' and 'not uptight' to prove him wrong while he behaves like a dick to you?? Fuck that, don't play his stupid game.

Nope that's not banter. Like a pp has said, a couple of things you mentioned would be banter between hubby and I, like the driving off, but to be honest it's a quick move of the car as we go to open the door, not make each other run after the car and the gin thing would be funny to me, but again as pp poster said absolutely not the point, these things aren't funny to you, therefore they aren't banter as banter is a two way thing where both parties find it funny. He sounds like an obnoxious, bullying man child and honestly his behaviour would make my vagina drier than the Sahara

'Banter' is only 'banter' when the recipient takes it as such!

I LOVE 'banter', to the point other people are sometimes shocked at the way me and my friends interact-we say some awful things to one another but we all know we can!

BUT this isn't 'banter' in any way, shape or form OP. He sounds like a complete and utter prick and is abusing you. I couldn't be living with someone like that-he sounds absolutely awful!

I agree with the posters who are saying that having a baby can be a trigger, because you are more vulnerable, tired, or whatever. Really sorry, as it sounds like that. He sounds abusive.

Banter is where you have everyone involved laughing, genuinely.

If someone isn't laughing, it isnt funny.

This leapt out at me. I'd only skimmed past the BF bit without it properly sinking in.

Pregnancy/new baby are known triggers for abuse. This is often when it starts. If this behaviour seemed to begin at around this time, that's an enormous red flag right there.

And no judgement here - I had the odd tipple when BF myself - but you are breastfeeding his baby and he gave you neat gin? Not only is he an awful husband, he's hardly contender for father of the year, either.

Bullies also often mask their behaviour as banter. They claim that those who read it correctly as the abuse it is have 'no sense of humour'.

There is no mistaking this as anything other than abuse. I'm sorry, OP, but it rarely improves. Please take care, and watch for signs that this is escalating. They almost always do.