To not want a relationship?

I love the fact that now we can see the voting is closed, which gives us a clue that it isn't a recent thread. Makes it easy to spot!

Nothing strange about having a lower sex drive than whatever the statistical average for your age group is. People fall on the spectrum from: everyday twice on Sunday, to once in a blue moon on a rainy afternoon to don't care at all.

There are men out there who are far from nymphos. Some will even admit it if they are not influenced by macho, chase the tail culture.

I don’t feel like you do OP but I sometimes wish I did!
I get way too in my head over relationships and take them way too seriously!
When I get hurt emotionally, I feel it very deeply and it’s exhausting!

I agree OP. I broke up with my last one a few months ago (we had only been together a year). Other than sharing my space I started to realise he was rubbish at doing stuff around the house and he never had any money. It would have been like having a child in the house again. Before him I was really happy and did loads of fun activities.

The weight gain that usually comes from having a partner is rarely worth it.

I'm a transwidow and still living with H as friends and looking after DC together but not a romantic couple.

Had counselling a while back and described to the counsellor how my dream was to have my own independent life and definitely no more romantic relationships. She said that was really sad and indicated she saw that as a problem and the healthy way would be to get on online dating and get myself fixed up with a new man. Really pissed me off and I ended the sessions not long after.

H seems to be obsessed with finding a bloke and seems to think it would make his life complete and feels I am a bit sad. I find that funny and I think the reality of being in a relationship with a man in the "woman" role will be a real rude awakening for him if it ever happens!

I've had my kids, there won't be any more and I'm financially secure. What would I need a man for?

@BuddhaAtSea I think this would suit plenty of people if finances allow - it just doesn't seem to be the socially expected norm. Certainly it's what I would pick if ever on my own again- someone 'in your life' but not necessarily your whole life. I think many (not all I know) older men become quite needy of your time and expect to be waited on and looked after if I'm honest if you live together

I’m nearly 50. Got my own house with a small mortgage, a good job, DD, hobbies, a fab group of friends, a dog.
I have a partner, but I am not moving in with him or the other way around. He doesn’t even have a key to my house. He is the person I do nothing with. He is most and foremost a friend.
We met up last night after work for a walk along the beach, I wanted to see the sunset and the strawberry moon, the dog needed walking and he texted me with some news. I suggested he joins me so we can hash the issue face to face. We did, we arranged to spend our day off in the week together and then we each went home. None of the drudgery of living together, we see each other because we choose to. I don’t have to worry about feeding him, tidying up after him or him encroaching in my space. And neither does he. We text each other several times in the day, we are each other’s next of kin.

But my life isn’t entangled to his. At any point we each can go home to our own remote controls and fridges and beds. I enjoy my solitude and independence.

From time to time he says he wishes we lived together. And I sweetly remind him that he can, at any point, if he only wants to live for one more hour.

I’m not doing it. Ever again.

I’m 54 this year. I last dated in 2017. When it hit me, why am I putting myself through this again and again? This is the longest period now I’ve spent single in my adult life and absolutely no intention to change that. When covid hit I was so happy I was single. Having to live with any man 24/7 would have killed me. Ditto now many people wfh. I do and wouldn’t want a man spending all day here too. Plus now I sometimes think about retirement and again, I don’t want a man under my feet!

Relationships have always taken more from me than they have given. Partly my own fault. But I just love my life now. I’d say very occasionally I get a mild pang of loneliness. It’s not often. Certainly not enough to change my mind. And my former relationships had plenty of horrible moments I wouldn’t wish to relive. You can feel lonely in a relationship too and that’s worse.

I have adult DC that I have a great relationship with, my cats, family and friends, a lovely home, a reasonable income. I don’t want or need anything else. Once I made the decision I was going to stop pursuing a relationship, it was like a weight lifted. I felt more free.

I’m with you! I have been single just short of two years & I really love it. I won’t ever live with anyone again.

ALL my group of friends are in unhappy relationships (FB/insta tell a different story of course). Constantly moaning/affairs etc. I just couldn’t do it. Putting up with all that crap because you haven’t got the courage to better your life. I just don’t get it.

I think my single friends in their 50's exude contentment.

Good careers, homes, social lives, friends.

They all, without exception look years younger.

None are interested in dating sites.
They certainly would never want to live with anyone at this stage.

My married friends agree that should they lose their husbands, they wouldn't bother to have another relationship.

They all love their husbands and simply wouldn't be interested in the effort of another relationship.

I think for many they have given so much to their families over the years, they wouldn't wish to invest in anyone new.

I shudder at the idea.

I love my husband to bits, but after 30 years together the idea of another man holds absolutely no interest at all.

OP, it sounds like you have a lovely life.

Enjoy.

I've been single for 10 years. It's just not been possible as a lone parent with no family around to support. I've accepted it now. I'm 54 this year, my son is only 12 and has ASD/ADHD so I've had to come to terms with my life not going the way I planned. It was not by choice, my husband had an affair and left and now has no contact with our son. I really can't afford babysitters and I'm grateful to my friends who will care for him if I have the odd night out (which amounts to 2 over the last 4 years!). Maybe one day I'll be able to have a little more freedom.

@Gtsr443 phew- I thought it was just me!! And I'm married

This thread is so comforting. Heading towards divorce I can't imagine ever wanting to bother again. I feel men take far more than they give, and relationships are more of a benefit to them than us.

I too read the retirement thread and thought - God almighty stuck in a campervan with the same old fart day in day out until one or other of them needs to be cared for.
Chart your own course OP. Loneliest people I've ever met have been trapped in relationships.

PlantDoctor
Already joked with DH that if we ever split I CBA with another man!

Dh asked me if he died would I marry again. Said definitely not, can't be bothered.

I hope many girls and women will feel like you do and not feel the pressure to be with somebody.

I'm definitely teaching my children that having a partner is not a vacancy you have to fill.

No. Mid 30s and done. Absolutely done. I am going to concentrate on my children and rebuilding life to be the way I want it.

I’m 50 later this year and genuinely can’t see myself ever being in another relationship. I feel at peace currently, contented, and spending energy getting to know someone, dating, having to adjust my life, potential drama and stress is just unimaginable.

Prior to my exDH leaving to set up home with his secretary our marriage I knew I shouldn’t be putting up with how he treated me, internet dating was brutal and I seemed to attract married men mainly, and the couple of relationships I’ve had since my divorce didn’t add value to my life (although the sex was amazing with one of them!).

I’ve been single for several years now and life is good - me, my DC and dog, good job, small but fantastic group of friends, a few hobbies - it suits me. I am graceful for the peace, space and sanity.

When I was younger, the idea - the hope - of meeting "the one", and having an amazing relationship, being in love, living with the 'perfect' man for me... it was the be all and end all.

Fast forward to now - mid 40's - it's a 180 degree turn. Never had kids, relieved. Got married, it was terrible, got divorced. Dated quite a lot after my divorce, including 4 guys addicted to porn (shit shags I have to say), a couple of alcohol dependent blokes (although at least their dicks worked), and various other unsuitable types and I'm just about done and to be perfectly candid, it's a relief.

Not sure if I've been very unlucky, or am just atrocious at choosing anyone suitable, but at this stage of my life my biggest regret, unquestionably, is how much time I wasted on men. Dating them, texting them, having bad sex with them, being married to one of them, spending time and having a shit time with them... don't get me wrong, I think men as friends, relatives, colleagues, and I've had fantastic male bosses - all this can be superb. But for anything more, no thank you, done my time and I can't see me bothering moving forwards.

I don't want to have another relationship because it's never been worth it, and now I'm probably, if I'm lucky, half way through my life and simply don't want to waste even more time.

I too, shudder when I read these awful threads about the various things women are putting up with in their relationships. Having been there myself in the past, can attest to it truly being soul-destroying. Quiet, clean flat, bed all to myself, a great nights sleep each night, peace, joy, can do what I want when I want, no one to clean up after, not having to navigate some awful mans horrible moods, don't have to put up with unreasonable behaviour: cheating, lies, aggression... christ alive the list just goes on. Life is so much better without a man in it.

I can't be arsed either.

I too am 50 in a few years and have only been single for 2 years since I was 16. The 2nd of those 2 years is now and, like before (5 years ago), I feel the most at peace and content than in any of my long term relationships.

I have no intention of sharing my bed or my home with anyone other than my children again. I just can't be bothered. I'm happy to put all my energy into my child, my friends and my family - the people that are there for me- I'll be there for them. None of my exes ever really bothered being truly there for me, so fuck it - I'm not wasting my precious time again. I'm self sustaining, happy and pro-active. Men just drain me with their attention seeking egotistical ways. I truly can't. be. arsed.

This for me too. I really would not be bothered

I am 50. My life is so much better now that I have committed to being on my own.
granted, I didn’t make the best choices when it comes to men, but my relationships were EXHAUSTING, when I look back at them.
They demanded so much of me - it was like having a dependent child.

I am still recovering … getting lots of sleep… it’s lovely 😅

If being single lifelong counts, I can beat that - I’m 60, heterosexual and have always been happily single!

I'm sure they do. Whereas actually I just never met a man I thought was worth giving up my freedom for. Because that's what it would be. A loss of freedom.

All my friends are in couples and have been for years. There isn't a single one that I look at and think I wish I had what you have. The whole kids / family this just looks tedious to me. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD so may that explains my "urgh, how tedious!" so no doubt that's the reason they'll give for my 'damage'. That or the classic insult of "career woman" (I earn a 6 figure salary in the City). In reality it's neither. I just prefer my life as a single woman. My only frustration is so many things being set up for couple or families.