Christian knowledge needed please

"Im scared to divorce because of hell"

This is what is wrong about religion 🤣 well that and about 1927394943773 other things . Religion was an invented concept. invented by a bunch of men who wanted to keep the people nice and obedient...

There is no magical man in the sky...

you want to not divorce because of fear to go to hell??? So You'd rather spend the rest of your life miserable? And living a lie ?

Isn't that a sin too?to lie ;)

Sounds like you are already in hell,come to think of it haha. Hell on earth. The irony...

Belittling/mocking your faith/belief system is abuse. Making you feel less/humiliating you, using as (yet another) stick to beat you with, is wrong on every level, regardless of religion or other distinguishing feature.

Ethnic minority?
Religious follower?
Single mother?
Immigrant?
LGB or trans/gender?

I'm all of the above and a Christian.

Luke 16:18

I was raised C of E. You have one life. Please don't choose to live it based on the teachings of one minority group of people that you don't have any particular affinity with, and take direction on such massive issues as whether you should get a divorce from one man. He's just a man. He might have a title such as pastor or leader, and a nice shirt and tie, but he doesn't know what's best for you.

You've gone from a punishing father, to a gaslighting husband, and you're now choosing to believe that the next punisher is god/jesus and an eternity in hell. Would you consider some therapy to help you get a bit of perspective on your current situation?

Religion is a massive subject, there is certainly a lot to learn if you're inclined to know more.

You have agency. Your thoughts and beliefs on what works for you and what you want in your life are more valid than those of your church leaders, or the congregation, or your husband. You can make decisions for yourself based on what you feel works for you. I'm going to let you into a secret, you're not going to hell. That's not going to happen, you don't need to live this one short life based on that. It's not helping anyone.

You actually sound really vulnerable OP, at the very least, if you want to hang your hat on religion, please find a different church which is less extreme and won't hang Hell over you like a hatchet. I wish you well.

The bible doesn’t say that anywhere. It’s a mid-teaching of the church.

it’s says In Deuteronemy a man May divorce his wife if he finds any uncleaness in her. That would by Levitical law presumably include eating ham or wearing nylon.

Jesus said divorce was permitted because of hardness of heart.

Of course as Christians we should actively do what we can to reconcile and work through issues, but if there is abuse in a marriage that is not something that can be worked through easily.

The bible makes it 100% clear that a husband should love his wife - “husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church, laying down his life for her”

If your husband is not loving you by laying down his life for you then he’s fallen short of Christ’s command. All Christians are sinners saved by Grace, anyone who thinks they are perfect is wrong.

He is gaslighting you and this sounds incredibly abusive. No one should stay in an abusive marriage.

What kind of church are you in?

I stayed in an unhappy and unhealthy marriage for years longer than I should have due to the guilt of failing at my marriage and breaking my vows.
Divorce happens, even among Christians. I met a lovely Christian man after my divorce and never looked back, the church we attended together before we married was very welcoming to me and my divorce was never an issue.

Nowhere did Jesus say that you would go to hell if you divorce. He just said Love God and love other people. If you’re being treated badly then I would separate and divorce. Who knows whether you will find another relationship but if you do then good. You deserve to be happy. Are you involved with a fundamentalist church?

If your church is making you feel like this then find another one please! I'm a Christian, I married a divorced man who's wife was unfaithful and frankly they were pushed too young into marriage and it was a disaster. My vicars wife is a divorcee. In our current church it's never ever been an issue.

You deserve better than this and God isn't going to judge you to hell because you decided to get out of an unhappy marriage so you can love yourself and feel joy again. I've been a Christian for a long time and our marriage has been blessed so many times over. If God had such an issue with divorce then I genuinely believe the life we've had would be so different.

I agree. I believe the bible says divorce is only acceptable if your spouse is unfaithful. Many take this to mean adultery but my priest was very clear, if you are hurting your spouse you are being unfaithful to the marriage.

Hi OP. My MIL is a CofE priest, I am the granddaughter of one too and we all have a lot of faith so between us hope we can help you.
MIL is divorced and remarried- they still ordained her so doubt she is heading down under any time soon 😘
My mum is divorced - not with anyone now by choice but has had offers.
I believe God loves you as you are,with your flaws, with your errors, just as you are

Hell isn't a place, it's a state of being. Hell is being permanently separated from god. The bible says that it is where those who reject Jesus spend eternity. It's a choice, not a punishment.

And what did he vow to you on your wedding day? Has he kept that vow?

I am Christian and I'm divorced. If I go to hell it will be for my other sins not that. I firmly believe it's not a sin to seek divorce for legitimate reasons.

My church pressured me to stay with an abusive man. I finally left when he hurt our child. I think Christians who preach stay in the marriage at all cost are wrong.

I'd pick hell for the next life rather than the current one.

All this advice is very useful, but not on the looking forward to your future front.
I've been single all my life and mostly happy. There was a brief spell of a more intimate relationship, short of full sex, which fell foul of the other party feeling called to celibacy - afraid of intimacy, him, twice bitten by Mean Girls, but that's me. But you can't tell what is in the future, but It will be better than working to keep a marriage together that damages you.
There's no need to expect someone to avoid relations with you because of your divorce. I know of someone who stayed in an atrocious marriage because she thought God wanted it, eventually had to see that her husband was dragging her into his own hell, and with church guidance, divorced, met a good man, went through arguments with herself about remarriage, and with the connivance of the local bishop, remarried in church. She's found happiness with a good marriage.
God wants the best for you, and where you are now is not it.
One thing, though, go slow with new relationships. You will be vulnerable to men who see your personality as one they want, and you could fall out of the frying pan...you know the rest. And fundamentalist churches have higher numbers of men than mainstream churches, because their teaching about the relationships of men to their wives suit them.

OP, I think you'd find it worthwhile to go to a few different churches and see how you find each one. I don't like the flag-waving worship style either - I don't think there's anything wrong with it, it's just that I personally don't find that it does anything to bring me closer to God. I'm much more comfortable (and therefore, find more joy and peace) in a more sedate service.

Find a church where you feel joyful, peaceful, hopeful, and generally where you come away wanting to love other people as well as you can. There's no harm in trying out different styles (though also be prepared to compromise - you won't find a perfect church no matter how hard you look, so at some point you need to decide to commit, get to know people etc).

Divorce is separate from that, I think. I can't think of many mainstream denominations which will outright frown on divorce, particularly if the relationship is abusive. Most are happy to remarry divorcees (sometimes with the exception that they won't conduct a marriage which began with an affair).

By "mainstream" I mean things like Church of England, Methodist, Baptist, Presbyterian, Salvation Army and so on - there are also lots of independent churches (where someone has set up their own church but it's not part of any wider organisation and therefore not subject to any oversight - some of these are fine, but there's also a lot of scope for them to be abusive).

Someone suggested counselling as well, and I think that's a good idea. Not necessarily Christian counselling, just regular counselling with someone who is experienced in the issues you struggle with.

I was raised Catholic and have a very loose faith these days but 2 direct parallels from my family for you.

DB is a practicing Christian and he got divorced 2 years ago. Both him and his ex-wife were supported in this decision by their Pastor (although they had counselling first through the Church to see if the marriage could be saved). I believe there was also a lot of praying both for guidance before and forgiveness after. Although his wife is now at a different church DB is still in the same one and indeed is engaged again to another member of the congregation.

My Dad is twice divorced. The old priest would not allow him to take communion although the current priest does. He has been granted forgiveness for his divorces so its clearly possible

God is not like an abusive father (or husband). God wants you to have life, and life in all its fullness (John 10:10). I don't think that means staying in a marriage that's not right for you and feeling the way you do - that's not life in all its fullness. I don't think God will punish you for getting a divorce, nor send you to hell (if hell even exists in the first place).

Hi, I’m really sorry about your experiences with church. I’m a practising Christian and have attended many evangelical churches over the years and have definitely seen the kind of teaching your talking about here in too many instances. I completely agree with all the previous posters that getting divorced is not going to send you to hell and God loves you first and foremost, you don’t need to try and do the right thing to please God, he loves you no matter what you do. And he also loves you as an individual more than he loves your marriage. I’d also agree with the posts about christian theology of hell being very split, universalism is a valid belief, as is the idea that hell is separation from God, not this eternal burning image we often have!

I think counselling sounds like a good idea, but don’t go down the biblical counselling route and make sure your counsellor is accredited.

I’d also recommend the christian charity Restored, who work with christian victims of abuse and support them and churches in managing it. They have some really helpful resources about divorce etc.

I don’t know where you are in the country but if you pm me a rough region I could suggest some possible churches that will actually be properly pastoral and inclusive - sounds like that’s something that could be helpful for a bit to explore some of the questions you have. Many Christians (including myself) are universalists - so don’t believe anyone goes to hell. I can explain more about this but it’s difficult to do on a forum like this.

Please don’t stay in a marriage because you fear God’s judgement. You will find that the Christian faith is much broader and more inclusive than your experience thus far.

I'm a Christian. The Bible says God hates divorce but I heard this explained in a really interesting way. It's not that people mustn't ever divorce. It's that divorce is generally painful for all parties and not what anyone hopes for in any marriage until things have gone really wrong. It's very rarely a nice easy option but sometimes it's the best option.

If you believe in hell then I assume you also believe that the only way to avoid it and go to heaven is through Jesus - faith not deeds gets Christians to heaven. All have fallen short of the grace of God - all sins are equal and we all sin all the time. So divorce won't send you to hell any more than angry thoughts, lying or train fare evasion.
If you believe in a loving God then it follows that He wants you to be happy. If you believe Jesus was God as a man, then perhaps you can see how Jesus will understand what is happening in your life and how it would be better for you if you change it.
And find a nicer church!!

Would you want your child to stay in an unhappy marriage? Why do you think your heavenly father wants that for you?

I am a lifelong Christian from a non-conformist Protestant denomination (so not Church of England). It might be helpful to reflect on the fact that Queen Camilla was recently crowned in the coronation - she is a remarried divorcee. I don’t recognise the comments on divorce that were said to you by someone in your church - I can only think you must be going to a very fundamentalist congregation. There are clergy in my denomination who are divorced.

I would find yourself a more mainstream congregation- Church of England, Methodist, United Reformed.

I've only recently started learning a bit about early Church history. There's nothing new under the sun... the modern evangelical movement does remind me quite a lot of Montanism, which was declared a heresy all the way back in the 3rd century!