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AIBU?

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Original poster

To lose my cool with useless DP

60 replies

2018mumof2 · 03/06/2023 22:32

evening all, just want some advice on whether I am being unreasonable. I’ve been at work all day from 8 until 6 and I am sick to death of my other half saying that he does stuff when he doesn’t.

we both work full time and have 2 young children under 5, my other half works from home 5 days a week but finishes at 6PM and I work in an office and I start early and finish at 6PM and I have a long commute too.

My AIBU is that I get home and I still have to do bedtime and I won’t end up eating until
late because he leaves the children to be up until I get home. He’ll be cooking dinner whilst I do bed and then there are dirty dishes, he’ll only have done one wash during the day and that’s it.

for example I work alternative weekends and I was working today no housework has been done apart from the washing up and 1-2 loads of washing. I’ve finished work and tidied the kids bedroom, ran their bath, put their clean clothes away and tucked them up which because he let the 3 year old nap did not fall asleep until 9PM.

i’m sick to the back teeth of it and I cannot cope anymore. We’ve had new flooring down in our open plan kitchen and the puppy had an accident on it and he used straight out the bottle disinfectant on the floor, I lost it and told him it would ruin the floor and that this is why we couldn’t have anything nice.

OP posts:
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Valeriekat · 05/06/2023 07:01

Sorry wrong thread!

Valeriekat · 05/06/2023 07:00

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Valeriekat · 05/06/2023 06:55

arethereanyleftatall · 04/06/2023 07:31

I think it sounds like he does the morning routine for the children and takes and picks them up for nursery - and then works full time?
And you do the bedtime routine for the children?
You do most of the housework, he does most of the cooking, dog walking?
That seems fair?

Yes, life is incredibly tough for two parents working full time with 2 under 5s. I'm not sure why you added to your load with a puppy.

Why did you get apuppy?

Purplepaperpeople · 05/06/2023 06:43

You both sound exhausted! That is a really full on routine. I also have two children under 5. If I’m honest barely any housework gets done other than absolute essentials…laundry, dishes, hoovering etc. if people are coming over then I’ll do a mad dash to tidy bits up but life is busy enough before adding extra not totally necessary stress. If he finishes at 5pm collects children from wherever they are, gets them home cooks dinner etc for them it would be a lot to have dinner for you guys ready and for them to be in bed too. I think you sound stressed and overwhelmed. Could either of you drop hours at all as sounds like there is no opportunity at all to even sit down. The contact lense thing wouldn’t bother me. I’d stop putting his clothes away.

AutumnCrow · 04/06/2023 22:21

So many of these of these threads involve an OP whose family was already pretty overwhelmed with children and x2 jobs, and then decide to get a dog.

Testina · 04/06/2023 21:56

And no answer on why you took on the puppy. Your backyard breeder relative should have a more robust way of dealing with failed sales.

Testina · 04/06/2023 21:55

He’s been putting sticky used contact lenses inside his own drawer?
Divorce him!
😭
Mine are dried out by morning!

Cosyblankets · 04/06/2023 21:50

arethereanyleftatall · 04/06/2023 21:47

The other way round, this could be..

'I work full time from home. My spouse leaves for work, and I have to get two under 5s ready for and to nursery (I think - just based on ops leaving time). I then work all day, I do normally manage a laundry load though. I work hard to get my days work done. Especially with a puppy at my feet who needs walking. I get the kids, look after them, and make them dinner. They are excited to see their mum after not seeing her all day, so I let her spend some time with them whilst I make dinner for us both, so that we can sit down together.'

Exactly

arethereanyleftatall · 04/06/2023 21:47

The other way round, this could be..

'I work full time from home. My spouse leaves for work, and I have to get two under 5s ready for and to nursery (I think - just based on ops leaving time). I then work all day, I do normally manage a laundry load though. I work hard to get my days work done. Especially with a puppy at my feet who needs walking. I get the kids, look after them, and make them dinner. They are excited to see their mum after not seeing her all day, so I let her spend some time with them whilst I make dinner for us both, so that we can sit down together.'

ChopperC110P · 04/06/2023 21:15

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 04/06/2023 21:09

Well, exactly.

Any man working full-time and coming home at 7pm would be expected to get stuck in with bedtime without any complaint.

Show quote history

My DH certainly did and this was only during maternity leave. I went back to work FT but I’m usually WFH and he’s almost always been working outside the home but would finish later than I did.

AsphaltGirl · 04/06/2023 21:13

It's no one else's fault that you forgot your laptop.

MathsNervous · 04/06/2023 21:12

Why the puppy? Increased workload for you all.

ChopperC110P · 04/06/2023 21:12

You're sort of seeing him as a SAHP. He works from home, it's still work!
^This, how much can one person get done in 50mins which presumably includes going out and collecting children from the child minder or nursery?

ChopperC110P · 04/06/2023 21:11

2018mumof2 · 04/06/2023 19:55

It hasn’t ruined the floor but there factors that just made me think what the bloody hell are you doing.. like using a dirty mop head to mop the dog pee up and then using a cloth and straight disinfectant to clean it up.

I’d put straight disinfectant on dog wee too if I’m being honest. It is only way to kill the stench. Since it hasn’t ruined the floor, why exactly are you saying he’s done it wrong?

ChopperC110P · 04/06/2023 21:09

2018mumof2 · 04/06/2023 19:24

Another thing that bothered me was we bought some brand new furniture for our bedroom last year before Christmas, think of it as a joint Christmas present to each type of thing.

I only found out the other day that he has been taking his contact lenses out and putting them in the drawer.. they’ve been drying and sticking to the inside of the drawer.

his excuse he takes his contact lenses out when he gets into bed so where else would he put them as he doesn’t have a bin by his bed and he gets rid of them after a couple of days so in his words “don’t be dramatic it’s not like it is months and months worth”

I do similar- contact lenses on a coaster unless I miss low vision without them. It doesn’t hurt the furniture and they’re clean as they’re coming from my eyes. I toss them in the bathroom bin in the morning, or when I remember. So I don’t understand why you’d be upset by this?

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 04/06/2023 21:09

ChopperC110P · 04/06/2023 21:06

I then do all of bedtime for both kids
If you didn’t do this, would you see them at all that day?

Well, exactly.

Any man working full-time and coming home at 7pm would be expected to get stuck in with bedtime without any complaint.

ChopperC110P · 04/06/2023 21:06

I then do all of bedtime for both kids
If you didn’t do this, would you see them at all that day?

Llamadramass · 04/06/2023 21:05

good grief just sack him off your doing it all alone anyway.

ChopperC110P · 04/06/2023 21:05

what bothers me is that I walk in to the kids still being wide awake and running chaos round the house, like why aren’t they settled down.
Because they are excited to see you? I had this, kids would be half asleep like little slots but as soon as Daddy’s car pulled in, they’d be bouncing off the walls.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 04/06/2023 21:03

ThankmelaterOkay · 04/06/2023 21:01

One day women will stop marrying useless men. Mumsnet will be much quieter.

In what way is he useless?

ThankmelaterOkay · 04/06/2023 21:01

One day women will stop marrying useless men. Mumsnet will be much quieter.

ComeOnThenFanny · 04/06/2023 20:59

You're sort of seeing him as a SAHP. He works from home, it's still work!
Mine are adults now, so I don't have the same issues, but I still get DP assuming that I'll be picking up more housework because I work from home, and I find it really disrespectful.

Goldbar · 04/06/2023 20:46

I think you're expecting your husband to achieve a lot in the time between finishing work at 6pm and you getting in just before 7pm. I'm not sure I could finish work, log off and do the nursery run, do the nursery handover and get the kids home and fed, play with the kids for a bit and talk to them about their day, run the bath, do bathtime and get them dried and into pyjamas, get them settled and into bed ready for stories, all in 50 minutes or so... and simultaneously look after the puppy, start dinner and sort the washing. And I would say I'm quite efficient at getting stuff done in our house. It sounds like you bear an unfair load and he needs to step up more generally, but I'm not sure you're being realistic about what he can achieve in this particular timeslot.

Circumferences · 04/06/2023 20:22

Of course children under five are going to be lively around 7pm when their mum gets home!
that's pretty much what children do!

It sounds like you'd rather they were sound asleep in a "children should be seen but not heard" way.

No one does washing twice a day. Firstly it's bad for the environment and it's totally unnecessary.

Sorry but YABU

Tempone · 04/06/2023 20:21

But if you are full time get in past seven and the kids are in bed when would you see them? Surely you want to see them?