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AIBU?

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Screeching Work Colleage

63 replies

TullamoreDew · 03/06/2023 10:43

I work in a lovely office with really nice colleagues, doing an interesting job for a cracking boss. All nice, gentle atmosphere..

But…

There is one woman, a 20 something, young wife and mum to an almost 2 year old who is raising my stress levels to 11.

She is just so loud. Excruciatingly loud. She works 6am to 3pm, the morning is her busiest so she is quiet as she gets through the worst part of the slog, and I understand that she is excellent at her work. But come the afternoon she starts screaming, shouting, singing. Rather like an excited three year old at a party.

She has a quite senior position and a very responsible portfolio, dealing with sensitive and challenging situations. Feedback from her manager is excellent. I don’t think she has any issues, I don’t know how to word this sensitively, but she comes across as a normal intelligent person. Until about 2pm and then she starts making loud screeching noises, usually as a reaction to something on an email or after she has put the phone down.

She screams at people as they walk past her desk, calls them silly nicknames in a loud high pitched little old lady voice. Exactly like an overstimulated child high on blue smarties and cola.

My reaction is visceral. It rockets my stress up to the roof. I find it hard to focus. I’ve tried wearing ear pods but her cackling and screeching cuts right through. I feel panicky and close to tears after it has gone on for while.

I have asked a couple of others how they feel about it and apart from one who feels the same as me, everyone else seems to be able to blank her out. Her line manager sits very close to her and doesn’t seem bothered at all.

I presume it might be a result of parenting a young child, disturbed sleep, early starts, I don’t know but it’s awful. Really awful.

OP posts:
Pottedpalm · 03/06/2023 15:07

Have you tried saying ‘Jeez, Arabella, can you keep it down please? I can’t think if you are making that noise. Thanks!’

Pottedpalm · 03/06/2023 15:05

Screaming in a high pitched little old lady voice… đŸ˜¡

BeverlyHa · 03/06/2023 14:58

attention seeker :)
pat her on the shoulder and reassure her she is doing fine and we are all in the same boat

TullamoreDew · 03/06/2023 14:56

I am actually the more senior, not that it matters. Her line manager and me are same level. They have a very close ( đŸ¤” too close perhaps) relationship. I don’t think they have overstepped any lines but I don’t feel he can view her as objectively as he can the others.

My workload is huge, and many of my tasks are complicated, require utmost focus and concentration. The shrieking disrupts my thought processes and I sometimes have to take longer to complete a piece of work. I have to check and double check everything when the screeching starts. This is what causes me such anxiety and winds me up, especially when I spot any stupid errors. Maybe I am blaming her for causing my own inadequacies.

She is actually a lovely person and when she is calm, very professional, helpful and conscientious.

Thank you for your input. You have given me food for thought.

OP posts:
Nordicrain · 03/06/2023 14:44

Some peopele are jsut very annoying (sounds like she is one), some people are quite sensitive to things (perhaps you are). These two things combined aren't great.

It sounds like her behaviour is normal, albeit irretating. You should consider that in whether you complain about her. What do others think of her behaviour?

I used to work next to someone who spent the first - literal - 5 minutes of every single phone call he had (he had many) telling the person on the other end how busy he was. I would have to listen the same "busy" moan 15+ times a day. It was obviously his coversation starter, but it developed into a HUGE annoyance for me, almost a physical reaction once he started.

TheFireflies · 03/06/2023 14:39

ForeverFailing · 03/06/2023 14:36

No I wouldn’t. I have reasonable adjustments to help me and do have self awareness so I am conscious of keeping a lid on it as best l can. This lady may not know she’s being annoying and yes, she needs to understand how her behaviour can impact others. All I was saying is don’t be so quick to dismiss the fact she may have neurodivergence.

She might. It’s always something to consider. I just get fed up with people immediately jumping to that as soon as they read a thread where someone is being irritating/annoying/unusual. Not meaning to be dismissive but perhaps got too defensive!

ForeverFailing · 03/06/2023 14:36

TheFireflies · 03/06/2023 12:56

So for just the last hour every single day you’d behave like this with no insight into your own behaviour?

in any event, even if she is neurodivergent (and people do like to jump to that on threads here every time someone is behaving unreasonably), it’s not an excuse to disrupt other people and someone needs to speak to her about it.

No I wouldn’t. I have reasonable adjustments to help me and do have self awareness so I am conscious of keeping a lid on it as best l can. This lady may not know she’s being annoying and yes, she needs to understand how her behaviour can impact others. All I was saying is don’t be so quick to dismiss the fact she may have neurodivergence.

Eleganz · 03/06/2023 13:31

Open plan offices are utterly shit, aren't they. They seem to be making them worse and worse at the moment removing any remaining soft furnishing that could act as some kind of sound-proofing.

As she is more senior than you (as I understand it) then you need to talk to your manager and get the issue escalated in my opinion. Make it about noise levels in the office in the afternoon being too high to concentrate and be productive rather than initially finger pointing.

cansu · 03/06/2023 13:30

If no one else sees it as an issue maybe she is not especially loud.

Nanny0gg · 03/06/2023 13:29

cansu · 03/06/2023 13:25

If no one else has noticed could it be that you have an issue? Being close to tears etc does sound like your sensitivity is higher than others. Maybe you need to wear earplugs or move desks etc.

Or maybe she should use her Inside Voice?

This is not normal or professional office behaviour

cansu · 03/06/2023 13:25

If no one else has noticed could it be that you have an issue? Being close to tears etc does sound like your sensitivity is higher than others. Maybe you need to wear earplugs or move desks etc.

tigger1001 · 03/06/2023 13:10

Pringleface · 03/06/2023 11:23

I used to work with someone like this and it was hugely annoying. The singing, attention-seeking clattering of stuff around, the cackling and shrieking if someone she was friendly with stopped to chat. Honestly, I wanted to kill her. I feel your pain.

This sounds just like someone new into our team. It's actually driving me mad! Yet, if she needs to concentrate everyone else has to be very quiet. But she slams doors etc not caring that others are working. And the ott shrieking and singing is making working life unbearable. She has zero self awareness.

Op I have no words of wisdom, just lots of sympathy.

Ihatepickingausername3 · 03/06/2023 13:05

That sounds like a nightmare. I would be the same OP but I’d just have a word and tell her how I felt.

NDXrays · 03/06/2023 13:00

Also just to say, even if she's ND, it doesn't mean everyone else has to suffer because of that. She needs to understand her behaviour is affecting others in the workplace so she has to adapt and tone it down.

It would cause sensory distress to me too OP as I'm extremely sensitive to sudden/loud noise or sound. Worse if it's a regular and persistent occurrence.

PragmaticWench · 03/06/2023 12:59

I'd try speaking with your manager and/or her manager. It's clearly affecting your work and your wellbeing.

I'd also wear noise cancelling earphones.
https://uk.soundcore.com/products/a3028311

Life Q30

Life Q30 produced by soundcore UK upgrad Noise-cancelling with Hi-Res sound and extended 40-Hour Playtime to give you an incredible audio experience.

https://uk.soundcore.com/products/a3028311

Florissant · 03/06/2023 12:58

Darkstar4855 · 03/06/2023 10:47

She may be neurodivergent.

Why not just try having a conversation with her and asking if she can just keep the volume down a little bit as you need to concentrate on your work?

Because neurotypicals are never annoying.

SerafinasGoose · 03/06/2023 12:58

I'm pretty noise averse. Sometimes when I'm deep in concentration, especially when reading, I can tune it out like radio static, but to work with this every day would drive me to distraction.

I'm not sure why the 'neuro-divergent' argument is trotted out so often on threads of this type. A lot of people just can't help emitting noise - a lot of it - and think if there's a silence the world will end unless they interject their voices into the middle of it.

Incidentally, neuro-divergent people who are averse to noise and over-stimulation would likely struggle horribly with this. If the sauce is good for the goose ...

I don't enter my communal office, or get on a train (of late a particularly annoying environment) without noise-cancelling earphones. Buds won't cut it. I'd ask her to keep it down in the workplace next time she starts, and keep earphones as a back-up. If it carries on despite her having been asked politely, then it's time to escalate it.

I wouldn't mind betting you're not the only one intensely irritated by this.

HoldingTheDoor · 03/06/2023 12:57

You have my utmost sympathy. I would go absolutely insane. It'd trigger all of my sensory issues too(I have autism). I do think someone needs to have a gentle word with her.

TheFireflies · 03/06/2023 12:56

ForeverFailing · 03/06/2023 12:54

This sounds exactly like I can be at work. I’m older than this lady. I have ADHD and yes it can look exactly like this in some people.

So for just the last hour every single day you’d behave like this with no insight into your own behaviour?

in any event, even if she is neurodivergent (and people do like to jump to that on threads here every time someone is behaving unreasonably), it’s not an excuse to disrupt other people and someone needs to speak to her about it.

ForeverFailing · 03/06/2023 12:54

TheFireflies · 03/06/2023 11:06

Didn’t take long.

Neuridivergence doesn’t generally mean that someone who is capable of working quietly suddenly loses it and starts behaving like an annoying child. I’m ND and know many other ND people and this isn’t typical at all.

OP I couldn’t tolerate this level of noise so I’d have a word with my manager in your position. Someone needs to have a gentle chat and ask her to keep it down.

This sounds exactly like I can be at work. I’m older than this lady. I have ADHD and yes it can look exactly like this in some people.

CedezLePassage · 03/06/2023 12:50

Close to tears is an extreme reaction. Are you sensitive to noise in other situations?

WandaWonder · 03/06/2023 12:48

Being able to stick a label on it does not make it easier to cope with it, address it like any other issue

MrsJellycat · 03/06/2023 12:45

I used to work with someone who was like this but would tell others to 'ssshhhh' if anyone else made any nojse.

I used to tell her to please keep her voice down, and if she told anyone else to be quiet I'd remind her that she was actually the loudest person in the office.

Stupid, selfish cow

NDXrays · 03/06/2023 12:44

TheFireflies · 03/06/2023 11:06

Didn’t take long.

Neuridivergence doesn’t generally mean that someone who is capable of working quietly suddenly loses it and starts behaving like an annoying child. I’m ND and know many other ND people and this isn’t typical at all.

OP I couldn’t tolerate this level of noise so I’d have a word with my manager in your position. Someone needs to have a gentle chat and ask her to keep it down.

Neuridivergence doesn’t generally mean that someone who is capable of working quietly suddenly loses it and starts behaving like an annoying child.

It actually can mean exactly that for some ND people. (Not saying that this one is).

I’m ND and know many other ND people and this isn’t typical at all

Also ND. If you meet one ND, you've met one ND. What happened to that saying and that there's no 'typical' ND?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/06/2023 12:36

I suspect I’d find it very annoying as well. I’m also quite sound sensitive.

Im not sure what you can do. Can you speak to your LM?