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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's a trampoline one

61 replies

HappyKoala56 · 02/06/2023 20:40

We have a considerable sized garden, around 100ft. We created a kind of split around two thirds of the way down - we have a bench under a freestanding Arbor with trellises attached, so the end of our garden is not completely cut off but is a bit of an obscured view from the house. The idea of this being we have a large patio for entertaining, followed by a pretty garden area with the trellis, then behind the trellis is the kids area. Here we have additional seating, a ping pong table and a trampoline against the back fence.

A neighbour that backs on to us has been round to ask us to move the trampoline. I want to start this by saying we are absolutely on board with moving the trampoline away from the boundary and we plan to do this. However, the neighbour also decided to write a letter, and the letter is so far off of the tone she was giving out in person. She asks in the letter that we move the trampoline a considerable distance from the boundary, or get it removed completely as she doesn't want to be able to see the trampoline or my daughter on it at all. Our garden is set higher than theirs, so even though we have a six foot fence, it is not six foot on our side iyswim probably more like 5ft - I don't think moving it up by the 8-10 metres I have available in the kids area will meet her requirements. She specifically states that as we have a large garden we have the space to move it - while technically this is true, I don't want to move the trampoline in front of the trellis as that was the point of putting the split there, I want to view my pretty garden and the kids have their own space. Yes I do have a large garden, but I paid a premium for it so I could use it how suited me, not so my neighbours can tell me how to use it.

The meet in person had me sympathising completely, but the letter and how it is worded has really got my back up. It has given me a deadline to move said trampoline (I would have moved it tomorrow following our talk) and the entire thing comes across as really confrontational and threatening. I could understand if she had spoken to me about it before, but I've literally never met her. In the face to face meeting she also briefly mentioned our ping pong table and fire pit (fire pit has been lit twice in a year, once to BBQ).

My plan is to move the trampoline as far up the kids area as possible but say that's as far as it will go even if she can still see the trampoline or the top of my child's head. It will mean re-working the space though so the ping pong table will need to be much nearer the boundary fence so the noise of that will be worse. I'm pretty sure this isn't going to be good enough for the neighbour. AIBU to tell her tough if she comes knocking again? While I'm absolutely looking to compromise by moving things around in the kids area, am I being a complete cow for saying I want to keep my pretty area of garden trampoline free?

OP posts:
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Jk987 · 02/06/2023 23:17

A very long post about a big, expensive garden and various pieces of equipment! You did sound a bit like you're superior but I might be wrong!

Get one of those trampolines that are in the ground. I'm

UsingChangeofName · 02/06/2023 23:12

I do think there is some irony in you wanting a pretty area of garden trampoline free, but not understanding why your neighbour doesn’t want to be looking at your child on your trampoline.

I do agree with this

However I think the letter would have annoyed me so much, I would have moved back to not wanting to do anything.
She came round, and asked you, and you agreed to have a think and had got to the point of moving things, and then she has completely ruined her case by being rude and demanding, instead of asking if you would consider it.
The idea of giving you dates you need to do it by would tip it for me, to not doing anything. I may be childish, but it makes a HUGE difference to me, how someone asks for something.

crackfoxy · 02/06/2023 22:50

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 02/06/2023 21:24

I think I would just write back.
"As per our chat, we are willing ti move the trampoline 8 meters closer to our house/further away from Yours. However, please note that this is a friendly gesture and we are under no obligation to do this. Therefore, before we do this, we would appreciate you confirming that if we do this, this will resolve the matter.

This

ThisNameIsNotAvailable · 02/06/2023 22:42

pookiedoodlepuppy · 02/06/2023 20:54

So you put the kids area as far away from your entertaining area ,and far from your house, so you can have peace from the kids noise and your neighbour has to endure the noise and carry on from your kids .
You are being really unreasonable .

And this

ThisNameIsNotAvailable · 02/06/2023 22:41

BonesBrennanz · 02/06/2023 20:54

It’s your garden and you can do what you like. However, I do think there is some irony in you wanting a pretty area of garden trampoline free, but not understanding why your neighbour doesn’t want to be looking at your child on your trampoline.

Exactly this.

jeaux90 · 02/06/2023 22:41

Iwantmyoldnameback · 02/06/2023 20:50

We had the garden dug out so the trampoline is level with the ground. It's saves any privacy issues and is much safer.

This.

crazeekat · 02/06/2023 22:39

hold on a min, the daughter is 12 years old, and will be at school all day, it's not like she's on it every hour of the day every day!
op i would move it up but still keep it in the kids area, tell them you will not be listening to any restrictions or time restraints or other demands they are making. i get that it's down at their end so move it up as a compromise but that's it. end of day if they want complete peace and quiet don't live in a street with other houses. and not ur problem if they have a small garden, if u start letting them boss u about now it will be the ping pong table next, then the hot tub, then the halloween decorations. had they been more decent in their letter then if maybe have more sympathy, sorry Confused

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 02/06/2023 22:30

You could always replace the trampoline with a hot tub 🤣🤣🤣

Veryverycalmnow · 02/06/2023 22:26

Your neighbour is being quite intolerant. Weird that the letter didn't match the face to face- is it possible that another annoyed neighbour has written the letter, or is it definitely the same person? It is a matter of being considerate to others whilst still allowing DD to get exercise and practise her hobby/ sport. You sound more considerate than most, in that you are willing to move it, but what a shame the letter was so rude and bossy.
Hope it works out.

WhimHoff · 02/06/2023 22:25

My garden is much bigger than yours and we have the trampoline near the house so I can see when someone injures themselves. I would just move the trampoline.

lookingforsummer · 02/06/2023 22:24

My parents' neighbours have a trampoline backing onto my parents fence. It's a nightmare - the kids are constantly jumping up and down, shouting over the fence at my mum and dad in their house / garden "hello old people" and throwing things into the garden. When my dad knocked on the door to ask the neighbour to ask his kids to stop throwing things in the garden his response was "f* off and if you knock again I'll get a restraining order against you"! My parents won't use their garden now, or have their patio doors open in the summer.

I'm sure your children aren't doing anything like this but this experience has made me feel much more negatively about trampolines and I would not want to buy a house with neighbours who have one.

I have some sympathy with your neighbour based on this experience but I think it seems like a reasonable compromise to try and move the trampoline as far away as you can from their garden in your kids' area in this first instance. As long as your children aren't causing a nuisance in the way I described above I can't see any harm in them jumping up and down on it.

Original poster
HappyKoala56 · 02/06/2023 22:18

Thank you for all the responses, positive and negative. I am going to move the trampoline tomorrow and move it as far away as I can within the kids area. If it's not good enough for her I will suggest the trellis idea - not sure if I'm allowed in theory (ie making fence higher than 6ft) but if she is in agreement hopefully no one else would be bothered. Digging the trampoline in I don't think would work unfortunately as we have several big trees in the area and I don't think we would find an area big enough without roots in (trees were there before myself and the neighbour so I'm not doing anything to risk their damage).

OP posts:
SapphOhNo · 02/06/2023 22:14

Tell her to nob off, leave your trampoline where you want it to be and enjoy your garden as you like.

Original poster
HappyKoala56 · 02/06/2023 22:08

millymollymoomoo · 02/06/2023 22:07

Then move it right next to your house. Problem solved !

Then it's right next to two other neighbours who are either side of us, not problem solved at all 🙄

OP posts:
AlanJohnsonsBeemer · 02/06/2023 22:08

Your garden sounds amazing!
Offer to move the trampoline as far away as you can, but still in the kids area and discuss adding trellis to the fence with her.
Surely she can’t moan about making the fence higher if she is moaning about seeing your DD.

millymollymoomoo · 02/06/2023 22:07

Then move it right next to your house. Problem solved !

Original poster
HappyKoala56 · 02/06/2023 21:57

millymollymoomoo · 02/06/2023 21:51

Oh and just because you can doesn’t mean you should
all this nonsense these days on here about kids have the right to screech and scream in their gardens and neighbours have to put up with it …
no, bust mo. It’s not right, not fair and while kids should be able to play happily outside should also be taught to keep the noise down and be considerate !

I haven't written anywhere on here about the noise. The neighbour also didn't mention any problem with noise from the trampoline.

My DD is 12 and nearly always uses the trampoline on her own (she usually meets friends out and about, they occasionally come over). She uses it for exercise, and to practice skills for trampolining at school. There is no screeching or screaming going on. At all

OP posts:
Thesunwillcomeoutverysoon · 02/06/2023 21:57

It's hardly op's fault or problem her garden is bigger....

Whinge · 02/06/2023 21:54

I really don't think seeing the very top of a trampoline in the distance over the top of a fence is really stopping her.

And what about the child bouncing on top of the trampoline...

You have lots of space to move the trampoline, or dig it out like others have suggested. Why should she have to change her garden when you have so many other options, and are the one who caused the problem in the first place.

pookiedoodlepuppy · 02/06/2023 21:52

OP do you need binoculars to see your kids ?
You know you are being unreasonable .

millymollymoomoo · 02/06/2023 21:51

Oh and just because you can doesn’t mean you should
all this nonsense these days on here about kids have the right to screech and scream in their gardens and neighbours have to put up with it …
no, bust mo. It’s not right, not fair and while kids should be able to play happily outside should also be taught to keep the noise down and be considerate !

CleverLilViper · 02/06/2023 21:51

Tygertiger · 02/06/2023 21:39

This really comes across as “I’m richer and can afford a bigger garden so my neighbour with a smaller budget can just suck it up”.

A trampoline isn’t a human right for your kids. It’s a luxury and it comes with the PITA that it’s an eyesore and noisy. It’s your choice to have it, so yes, I think the moral duty is on you not to inflict it on your neighbours.

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This.

OP, YABVU.

You absolutely have the right to enjoy your garden-but others also have the right to enjoy theirs as well. They also have the right to privacy. Both things you are likely to be breaching with this.

You likely know that the trampoline is going to be a nuisance-which is why you've chosen to put it as far as you can from yourself so you can enjoy your garden as you please. Without any real consideration or thought to how this will impact your neighbours.

Trampolines aren't a necessity for kids, you know. They won't suffer without them.

Morred · 02/06/2023 21:51

Swap the entertaining and kids areas over for a bit and have lots of loud parties - all day Saturday, late summer weekday nights. Invite your noisiest friends and encourage them laugh, hold forth loudly on boring political subjects, etc. Fire pit to the max, something smelly on the BBQ, outdoor music, string loads of fairy lights all over the fence and accidentally leave them all night. Put up noisy wind chimes and a loud water feature. Tell them you’re so glad they suggest swapping the kids/adult zones over and do a mumsnet TM tinkly laugh.

Vallmo47 · 02/06/2023 21:50

You’re not coming across well in your OP or replies OP so maybe you have something in common with your neighbour and don’t communicate well in writing. It’s your garden but be respectful. Also 10-12 metres?? That is not a small garden.

Original poster
HappyKoala56 · 02/06/2023 21:50

Thatboymum · 02/06/2023 21:13

Yep this

Show quote history

She is more than able to create a pretty garden herself. She could put in hedges/plants/climbers. I really don't think seeing the very top of a trampoline in the distance over the top of a fence is really stopping her. I can still see part of the trampoline myself - the view is obscured but not completely cut off

OP posts: